Un-tying The Knot

Taking A Closer Look At The State Of Our Unions And What Happens When Marriages Fall Apart

(CBS)  These days, the average American man marries at age 27 and his bride is 26. The experts say those extra years improve their odds of making it to the finish line.

Karey Fung is 35, husband-to-be Jim Kumpel is 39.

"When older, you know what you want," says Jim. "When you find someone who fills [a] gap in life, you go forwards."

Other things in their favor: they're highly educated and their parents have never divorced. And statistics show that if they're well-off, it can only help.

But watch out for public displays of affection …

"Well," warned divorce attorney Felder, "the more they kiss, the more they hug, the more the husband's sweet darling …"

"Oh, no, is that a telltale sign?" asked Wallace.

"Yeah, holding hands … Divorce lawyers, I think most of them, will say that there's another candidate for a future customer."

Something else about divorce, American-style - these days, about two-thirds of all breakups are initiated by women. No surprise to Gilda Carle, an advice columnist for Match.com.

"Why are they now feeling more comfortable or more free to exit now than maybe 30 years ago?" Wallace asked Carle.

"Two words: working woman," Carle answered. "What does that bring? That brings independence. That brings the ability to buy your own food, your own shelter and to live the way you want. And in addition to all of that, there's another thing. We live in such a disposable society. We think that, well, we can get rid of our husbands as easily as we can get rid of our books we don't like or CDs we're tired of. And they don't think about the consequences of what will happen when the bed needs warming very often."

Which brings still another big change in Splitsville, USA: Untying the knot can get very expensive, and very ugly.

"It's one thing to get a really good gun, it's another to get lots of ammo with it," said attorney Eykel. "And when you're really, really mad, and you have the money to do something about it, that's what wars are made of."

... And good war stories.

"My favorite is Valentine's Day," said Eykel. "Having the process server specifically told, 'I want to make sure you get to her on Valentine's Day.' And then if you really want to rub salt in it, they have them film it. Believe it or not, they've done that! To where 'I want to be able to watch it, I want to see it. I want sound.' I don't know that you can go any farther than that. But that's the worst example I've seen."

But take heart - there may be a silver lining.

"Because generally," said Felder, "the people who are getting divorced are hopeful - there's other kinds of emotions injected there - but they're hopeful. They believe there's a better place somewhere. Otherwise, they stay in this miserable marriage."

And a little free advice for you to ponder …

"The word of wisdom I would give," said Eykel, "from a 35-year experienced divorce lawyer is, take your vows seriously and don't stop trying."

"Treat your spouse as if this is your first date," recommends Phillips.

And from Raoul Felder, "I would say follow your heart, but I'd get a good pre-nuptial agreement."

[hypnotoad72]

Why bring up *** and lesbians? Marriage is a religious institution and nobody should feel militant enough to break into their world and change their rules (many of which I agree with).

As for "civil unions", there''s no problem. But certain militant organizations helped people like Bill Clinton and Paul Wellstone sign the DOMA.

Besides, before I cleaned up my life, I tried doing the gay lifestyle. Nobody wanted relationships; just "wham bam, thank you mister". So don''t tell me "Don''t knock it until you tried it". Indeed, sometimes it really is okay not to try it in order to not like it. Murder, rape, other apparently harmless activities come to mind... (/sarcasm)

[radiob-2009]

Marriage is hard work, and even then it does not succeed people grow apart and discover that after years of marriage that they should never have been together to begin with.

[millandering]

I%u2019m a big fan of %u201CSunday Morning%u201D and, since the advent of the DVR, never miss your program. %u201CUn-tying the Knot,%u201D a story about ending one%u2019s civil marriage, was interesting, well produced and, at times, humorous; yet, there was an omission that brings me to actually write my comments to CBS.

Maybe divorce is simply too easy.

My spouse and I have a marriage that would be extremely difficult to end, though after seven years, we love being married and love each other dearly. We are one of those couples statistically more likely to %u201Cmake it,%u201D as both our parents stayed together, we were older when we got together, we are both well educated, and, while not well off, do live comfortably. If the unthinkable were to happen I%u2019m not sure how we could achieve a divorce.

We had a civil union in South Burlington, Vermont on July 1, 2000, and %u201Cupgraded%u201D to marriage in Windsor, Canada on our anniversary three years later. Due to the laws we married under, one of us would have to move to Vermont for a year, and one to Canada, before we could legally end our legal relationship.

Basically, if you%u2019re gay or lesbian, and you don%u2019t live in the state or country in which you became married, you%u2019re married for life.

And they said we%u2019d be the downfall of marriage; I%u2019d say putting a stop to divorce is one heck of an achievement! How about a story about that?

[millandering]

I%u2019m a big fan of %u201CSunday Morning%u201D and, since the advent of the DVR, never miss your program. %u201CUn-tying the Knot,%u201D a story about ending one%u2019s civil marriage, was interesting, well produced and, at times, humorous; yet, there was an omission that brings me to actually write my comments to CBS.

Maybe divorce is simply too easy.

My spouse and I have a marriage that would be extremely difficult to end, though after seven years, we love being married and love each other dearly. We are one of those couples statistically more likely to %u201Cmake it,%u201D as both our parents stayed together, we were older when we got together, we are both well educated, and, while not well off, do live comfortably. If the unthinkable were to happen I%u2019m not sure how we could achieve a divorce.

We had a civil union in South Burlington, Vermont on July 1, 2000, and %u201Cupgraded%u201D to marriage in Windsor, Canada on our anniversary three years later. Due to the laws we married under, one of us would have to move to Vermont for a year, and one to Canada, before we could legally end our legal relationship.

Basically, if you%u2019re gay or lesbian, and you don%u2019t live in the state in which you became married, you%u2019re married for life.

And they said we%u2019d be the downfall of marriage; I%u2019d say putting a stop to divorce is one heck of an achievement!

[millandering]

I%u2019m a big fan of %u201CSunday Morning%u201D and, since the advent of the DVR, never miss your program. %u201CUn-tying the Knot,%u201D a story about ending one%u2019s civil marriage, was interesting, well produced and, at times, humorous; yet, there was an omission that brings me to actually write my comments to CBS.

Maybe divorce is simply too easy.

My spouse and I have a marriage that would be extremely difficult to end, though after seven years, we love being married and love each other dearly. We are one of those couples statistically more likely to %u201Cmake it,%u201D as both our parents stayed together, we were older when we got together, we are both well educated, and, while not well off, do live comfortably. If the unthinkable were to happen I%u2019m not sure how we could achieve a divorce.

We had a civil union in South Burlington, Vermont on July 1, 2000, and %u201Cupgraded%u201D to marriage in Windsor, Canada on our anniversary three years later. Due to the laws we married under, one of us would have to move to Vermont for a year, and one to Canada, before we could legally end our legal relationship.

Basically, if you%u2019re gay or lesbian, and you don%u2019t live in the state or country in which you became married, you%u2019re married for life.

And they said we%u2019d be the downfall of marriage; I%u2019d say putting a stop to divorce is one heck of an achievement! How about a story about that?

[neo267-2009]

But of the 1/2 that stay together, how many are actually decent relationships?

The problem with marriage today is selfish, narcissistic people who have no sense of commitment and only see relationships as manipulation.

[zootallures2]

It''s never ending immature high school dating... it''s just never ending high school period...LOL!

[blackwater9]

What happens to marriage? Many factors control a individuals motives, I believe in this era, look for the warning signs, if a man or woman is 40, and never maintained any term relationship, start looking deep into their past, maybe there''s a good reason for their status. If they can''t hold employment and are still dependant on their aging parents, if they give you excuses for not meeting their friends, open your eyes and save yourself alot of legal headaches. know what you''re doing before you make the same mistakes as I.

[hoosiergram]

I watched Sunday Morning for the first time today and enjoyed the show. Regarding "Untying the Knot," I''d love to see a segment on marriages that SURVIVE, even grow and flourish, under very trying conditions. For example, committed couples coping with a child with cancer or other serious disease, couples where one has a debilitating condition affecting both of their lives as well as their children''s, couples who have lost a child. There are many wonderful examples of such couples out there. Thanks.

[olebd]

Posted by MyOpinion1 at 03:49 PM : Feb 10, 2008

Will you have a long talk with my wife? LOL

I keep telling her, sometimes you have to push yourself....find energy to spend time together whether it''s in the bed or just talking. You''ve got to put at least as much energy into your marriage as you do in your kids in order for it to work. My talks don''t do any good. She''s in bed by 9 every evening (we only have one kid)And guess who does 95 percent of the cooking and cleaning? I wouldn''t think of leaving though because of how it would affect our child. If I knew then what I know now...

[rowdytexan2]

Posted by libsrsissy at 02:19 PM : Feb 10, 2008

I don''t have any. What do you tell yours?

[psk123-2009]

Not all women make out in a divorce. Not only did I spend most of the marriage supporting my ex., but he got the house, the cars, the boats and everything else. Except of course the bills and the kids. I got those. He wanted alimoney and child support (although I had full time custody) if you can stand that.

All said and done, stuff is just stuff and bills can be paid off... eventually any way. While it would have been nice to have had an equitable split of the marrital assests, I would have been very happy to just get what I came into the marriage with. Needless to say, I got squat there too.

It has been a few years and the bills are paid, the kids are nearly grown and very happy. So am I.

[rowdytexan2]

I would think the days of the ''traditional'' marriage is over. Maybe the best thing to do is keep government and God out of marriage. It is a committment between two people that has nothing to do with law or religion.

[sandy19731]

I think asking couples counselors about success in marriage would make more sense than asking divorce attorneys.

[mrbrill]

Unlike the person who didn''t like this report because it didn''t talk about people who stay together without marriage, I think the point of this article was to talk specifically about the institution of marriage. And while there are those who want to make marriage more of a religious institution, since there are legal implications as well regarding marriage, then we''d need a complete overall of the laws and if we make it a religious institution only, then religions would be able to define their own rules about marriage, such as allowing polygamy. Are you really ok with this concept? (I can then imagine the government doing nothing and allowing this to happen would turn into an event worse than the housing crisis where the government did nothing until the problem was too big.) Also, what is the purpose of making marriage only a religious institution. It sounded like those people are saying that marriage would be able to be considered "sacred" again and divorce rates would go down. Since most people in US are religious any, I can imagine that the divorce rates would be practically the same. As the article pointed out, one reason divorce rates were lower a long time ago was that women were pressured into staying in unhappy marriages by family, religion, or financially. Are we saying we''re better off by making those women stay in unhappy marriages so we can keep the divorce rate low?

[rowdytexan2]

Having been the dumpee twice, all I have to say is that it didn''t work for me. All I got was two beautiful children and my grandchildren. I guess I did something seriously wrong, cuz I got no money out of it, even tho one was a millionnaire. Screw money, it doesn''t make you happy! The second time around, I got the best husband a woman could ask for when he was sober, but alas...I was just too embarrased by the garbage full of beer cans every week. ROFL

The very BEST relationship I had was 14 years with a man when we had separate homes, yet we couldn''t have been more married than if we''d have signed the papers. Agent orange eventually got him, bless him!

Those with marriages with longivity are very lucky folks. I salute you. In my case, freedom has been a wonderful thing.

[blackwater9]

After 3 months of marriage, i found out that she had made a successful attempt at covering her sorted past of several serious abuses. with both of my young children of a previous marriage in my custody, she had to go. but of course she still seeks a middle 5 figure sttlement. where is the justice, what happen to adults taking care of their own affairs, she brought nothing to the union, but surely wants to take, can you say gold digger..

[vet4peace]

Now that I am getting divorced(dumped) by my wife and having 40% of my net income extorted by her,I tell myself love comes and goes but a prenup never changes. Had I known when I got married that the woman I had dreamed to be my partner for life only wanted a sperm donor and a big bank account I would have surely made a prenup agreement. We do live in a disposible society where men and women can dump their spouse for some extra cash from the child support and alimony. There should be a mandatory prenup agreement for all high income earners prior to marriage so if one waives that mandate at least he or she had fair warning that half their income would be to pay for an ex-spouse to live off your hard work.

[veeble]

An item on divorce including the usual ,actually mandatory professional nattering about the independance of women without once mentioning "divorce settlement "or "alimony". You might want to run a clip the words of the female
prosecutor spoke to the jury in the case in harris county texas in the case of the woman who ran over her husband.The prosecutor said."If you find your husband with a younger woman you take his house,his kids ,his money and his car by divorcing him.....you make him wish he were dead but you dont murder him"

[j-whitman]

Un-tying The Knot -- Is FREEDOM & LIBERATION