Father's Abandonment Molded Obama

Washington Post: Candidate Last Saw His Father In 1971, And Spent Years Trying To Understand Him

(Washingtonpost.com)  This story was written by Kevin Merida as part of a Washington Post series of profiles of the leading presidential candidates.

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Sometimes the trigger will be a newspaper story he is reading about Africa. Or he may spot a group of boys on a street corner on the South Side of Chicago and think that one or more of them "could be me, they may not have a father at home." At other moments, he will be playing with his daughters -- Malia, 9, and Sasha, 6 -- and begin to wrestle with what kind of father he has become, what a career in politics has meant to their lives and how to guard against his father's mistakes.

Thoughts of his father "bubble up," as Barack Obama puts it in an interview, "at different moments, at any course of the day or week."

"I think about him often," he says.

He last saw his father in 1971, when he was 10 years old. Remarried and living in his native Kenya, Barack Obama Sr. sent word that he wanted to visit his son in Hawaii over Christmas.

To the son, he had become a ghost, an opaque figure hailed as brilliant, charismatic, dignified, with a deep baritone voice that reminded everyone of James Earl Jones. All the boy knew was that his father had gone off to study at Harvard and never come back. Now, the old man would put flesh on the ghost.

On the day his father arrived, young Barack, known as Barry then, left school early and headed toward his grandparents' apartment, his legs leaden, his chest pounding. He nervously rang the doorbell. His grandmother opened the door, and there in the hallway was a dark, slender man wearing horn-rimmed glasses and sporting a blue blazer and scarlet ascot.

"He crouched down and put his arms around me, and I let my arms hang at my sides," the son recalled in "Dreams From My Father," a soul - baring memoir rare for a politician, written long before Obama contemplated a run for the White House.

"Well, Barry," his father said. "It is a good thing to see you after so long. Very good."

For a month, the father hung around, speaking to his son's fifth-grade class, taking the boy to a Dave Brubeck concert, but never quite reestablishing himself. The trip's pivotal moment came one night as Barry prepared to watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," the annual Dr. Seuss special. The father said the boy had watched enough television and insisted that he go to his room to study. Barry's mother and grandparents intervened in what became a heated family argument. But they proved no match for the strong-willed father, who in an instant had reclaimed the paternal role he had long ago abdicated.

Barry went to his room, slammed the door and "began to count the days until my father would leave and things would return to normal."

* * *

That visit set in motion a journey to make sense of his father, so that he could make sense of himself. It was the last time he would ever see his father, whose squandered promise and abandonment of his son have molded the man who is now running for president.

When he talks today about his father's desertion, Obama frequently summons a quotation that he believes explains how it directed him. "Every man is either trying to make up for his father's mistakes or live up to his expectations," he says. Until recently, he thought it came from Lyndon B. Johnson, who had his own unresolved issues with his father.

At one point in the campaign, Obama asked an aide to call Robert A. Caro, the preeminent Johnson biographer, to check. Caro said no, the quote was not from Johnson. The biographer was reminded, though, of something Johnson's brother had told him. The most important thing to Johnson, the brother had told Caro, was "not to be like Daddy," whom LBJ had once idolized but who later lost the family ranch and became a laughingstock.

Not to be like Daddy.

"I think he sees this as a challenge every day, that I want to do better than my father," says former federal judge Abner Mikva, a longtime Obama mentor.

When you grow up without a father, Michelle Obama says of her husband, you think about what you may have missed. "At some level, you wonder," she says. "You wonder all the time: Who would I be if I had my father in my life? Would I be a better person?"

Uncertainty crowds your mind about your own abilities. As Obama wrote in "The Audacity of Hope," his 2006 bestseller, "of all the areas of my life, it is in my capacities as a husband and father that I entertain the most doubt."

It is the reason why Dan Shomon, for many years Obama's top political aide in Illinois, urged him not to run for the U.S. Senate in 2004. "I think you're going to feel guilt about your kids," he told his boss, to no avail.

Obama hasn't found a way to reconcile his desire to be the father he never had with the long absences required of a presidential candidate. He attends parent-teacher conferences and dance recitals, and he structures his campaign day to always include a call to his daughters. But as his wife notes, "they are sometimes not ready to receive you when you call, and he has to suck that up."

"It's a struggle not just for him but for me," she says, adding that they have concluded that there is great value to their daughters in having a father with the ambition to be president. "One thing I learned from Barack is there is not one right way to parent."

Men often long for their fathers' approval, to shine in their fathers' light. Obama is asked how he feels about his father today, the dominant emotion. Regret? Unhappiness? Anger?

"I didn't know him well enough to be angry at him as a father," Obama says. "Mostly I feel a certain sadness for him, and the way that his life ended up unfulfilled, despite his enormous talents."

* * *

Barack Hussein Obama Sr. grew up herding goats in the remote village of Alego, Kenya. He belonged to the Luo tribe, one of the nation's largest. Bright and enterprising, he became in 1959 part of the first large wave of African students to study abroad. With a scholarship to the University of Hawaii, the 23-year-old quickly fell into a small group of graduate students who met on Friday evenings to eat pizza, drink beer, and talk world politics and economics.

"He was an intellectual in every sense of the word," recalls Rep. Neil Abercrombie (D-Hawaii), who was part of the inner circle. "He was the sun, and the other planets revolved around him."

It wasn't long before Obama brought another planet into their orbit, an 18-year-old white freshman from Wichita, Stanley Ann Dunham (so named because her father had wanted a boy). In late 1960, despite concerns from both families, Obama and Dunham were married. On Aug. 4, 1961, Barack Hussein Obama Jr. was born.

The fact that there was a marriage at all -- such interracial unions were banned in 22 states -- reflected, as Abercrombie saw it, his friend's incredible confidence and daring, traits the younger Obama would later display as a politician. But the marriage did not last long. When Obama won a scholarship to study at Harvard in 1963, and didn't have the money to take his young family with him, some were not surprised that he didn't return. Abercrombie sums up the reason in a single word: ambition.

"His ambition was to be a force in Kenya, to fulfill the drive that he had to make a difference in Kenyan life and perhaps even in African life. And don't forget, this is young love -- or maybe passion is closer to it. And passions can burn out."

It was Ann Dunham who filed for divorce in January 1964, citing "grievous mental suffering," according to court documents. Whatever anger she felt, she did not share it with her son. She made a point of telling Barry that his smarts, character and charm came from his father. Years later when he became upset about his father's behavior, she counseled against judging him too harshly.

[hwy71so]

pakaal, you can''t force faith in God on anyone. That can only come from THEIR heart. As for the pharisee comment, maybe you should read Matthew 28:18-20 or Mark 16:15-16. A christian has an obligation to proclaim his/her faith. Furthermore, James in his letter cites that faith without works is dead. Yet, you allude that we should just sit silent while the world falls into unGodly decay?

[bob040-2009]

Important facts.
He has never voted to raise taxes.
He has never voted for an unbalanced budget.
He has never voted for a federal restriction on gun ownership.
He has never voted to raise congressional pay.
He has never taken a government-paid junket.
He has never voted to increase the power of the executive branch.
He does not participate in the lucrative congressional pension program.
He returns a portion of his annual congressional office budget to the U.S. treasury every year.
He voted against the Patriot Act.
He voted against the Iraq war.
VOTE RON PAUL!!!!

CHECK THIS OUT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yuzMYIXhTE

if you want to find out some of the things that Huckabee has done, I suggest you check out www.arktimes.com. It is a free, independent minded newspaper that doesn''''t just puppet what Huckabee wanted. The Arkansas Blog tracked some interesting things that the Huckster did in his stint here in Arkansas that don''''t exactly bear "good fruit".

[bareemperor]

You NeoCon religo-rubes hush your mouths.

Huck was talking about that check Diebold just cashed...

That was the Bu$h ''higher power''

Well, it belittles all legislation. Thats the only trouble with legislating morality. It makes people think all your other laws aren''''t serious.

Posted by pitbullpoint at 04:44 AM : Dec 17, 2007

that and the fact that morals change over time so another reason "Moral laws" are wrong.

But also if the "Christians" want to legislate morality, isn''t killing others immoral? So, why support the death penalty?

[pakaal]

Hwy71So wrote: "there are those of us, who say, "God said it, that settles it." It doesn''''t matter whether we believe in Him or not. He still exists, and we''''ll still be held accountable to Him."

Oh, there will be an accounting, don''t you worry about that. For those who try to force their beliefs on others - for whatever reason - I recommend re-reading Matthew 6:5. The Lord is specific about those who try to appear pious and go around preaching in public places just to bee seen: hippocrites.

[pakaal]

Surely a compassionate God would not be mean enough to force a "President Huck" on us! Maybe Huckabee''s rise is the fault of the angry, jealous God instead?

[mcharlton]

He''s pulling the political "faith" card. To use your religion as the focal point of your campaign in a country with thousands of religions doesn''t work. People want to see a leader who can put his religion aside and unite with what we have in common. We want a president not a Baptist preacher. The Middle East is close minded enough without a close-minded hypocritical religious zealot like Huckabee. He needs to respect other religions without twisted attacks designed to smear other candidate''s religions.

[hwy71so]

tru_america, if you really believe that, you''re wrong. This country could use a LOT more faith.

[antoniof123]

Mike you hear god talking they have medicine for that now a days. Please go get some you need it.

[hwy71so]

You guys just can''t handle anything that tells you you ARE wrong and there''s a higher power than you.

I sure pity you.

The denominationals have a saying, "God said it, I believe it, that settles it". Well, there are those of us, who say, "God said it, that settles it." It doesn''t matter whether we believe in Him or not. He still exists, and we''ll still be held accountable to Him.

I sure feel sorry for you folks who believe otherwise. I hope you''ll come to realization before its too late.

[liberalme]

Religion does not belong in politics!!!

I want my president to be A God fearing person--BUT I want him/her to be president, not preacher--keep his religion out of it!

Of all these Bible thumping preachers--they truly are spreading the word of GOD--for the ALMIGHT DOLLAR!

Thats a sin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[alanrobisch]

I wonder what I should wear to President Hillary''''s Inauguration !


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Posted by FlangeSqueal at 08:32 AM : Dec 16, 2007

i see you spamming. is this how you make your point by shoving your views down someone''s throat.

[alanrobisch]

I am a preacher who believes Huck is a huckster. If he was called to preach, why did he forsake the call? Huck is an apostate with the Bible and the Constitution. Ron Paul understands the sacredness of his oath of office. Vote Ron Paul for President.


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Posted by dutchman57 at 03:20 PM : Dec 16, 2007

preacher of what the gospel according to ron paul

[alanrobisch]

Actions are more important then your words, start living with love and respect to your neighbor rather then trying to convert them and criticize their lives. Perhaps then they will be impressed and join on their own.


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Posted by OdensSpear at 06:00 PM : Dec 16, 2007
+ report abuse

i agree completely

[alanrobisch]

The problem I have with Christians is that they''''re always white, two-faced, rich, no good, god damned sons''''a byytches who lie thru their ******* teeth. No big deal..


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Posted by pitbullpoint at 06:42 PM : Dec 16, 2007
+ report abuse

you are truly amazing. do you have a clue about what christianity is, i doubt it.

[bennyblack1]

Stubborn and stiff-necked people. You deserve to lose everything our forefathers fought to get you. You don''t even appreciate it.

[bennyblack1]

In the light of all this, the very idea of saying that, "You can''t legislate morality," is an oxymoron.

Law comes from morality. Morality comes from God. Did you notice that you have to teach a child to be good and decent?

Did you notice that you DON''T have to teach him how to be bad? It is his nature to be bad. That''s why you have to teach him to be good. Goodness comes from morality, which became law, which came from the Bible, which came from God.

[bennyblack1]

President George Washington was a Christian who had a vision about the United States being a great country while he was a general.

[bennyblack1]

Lincoln was a Christian, who abolished slavery. MLK Jr was a Christian who established Civil Rights law.