Post-Emotional America

Dick Meyer Considers What HBO's “Tell Me You Love Me” Says About Modern Coolness

(CBS)  This commentary was written by CBSNews.com's Dick Meyer.

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The most important time in the biorhythm of the American psyche is 9:00 p.m. on Sundays.

It used to be 8:00 p.m. on Thursdays. That was the sweet spot of national television watching. In 1984, “The Cosby Show” initiated “must-see TV.” From that point on, the epitome of televised entertainment happened on Thursdays: “Hill Street Blues,” “Family Ties,” “Seinfeld,” “L.A. Law,” “ER,” “Friends,” “Survivor” and “C.S.I.”

“The Sopranos” changed all that. Thursday may still be where the ratings are, but Sunday is where the zeitgeist airs.

“The Sopranos” was replaced by a show called “Tell Me You Love Me.” The show had a moment of celebrity because it is chockful of realistic, unpretty sex. That turned out to be an unimportant and uninteresting part of the show.

As entertainment, “Tell Me” is repetitive and dreary. As art it is well-crafted and authentic. As a cultural artifact, it is invaluable. “Tell Me” tells us everything we need to know about what is wrong with hook-up culture, modern coolness and laissez faire private morality.

There were a million reasons to get hooked on “The Sopranos.” I thought it resonated so deeply and was so perfect for the times for two reasons. It illustrated the cacophony of American moral life. Tony had a moral code, something like the Mafia’s omerta, he was a good family man (by contemporary Mob standards) and believed in the American way. Obviously, he was a violent psychopathic thug. But his life and his show illustrated the principle that George Costanza of “Seinfeld” called “Worlds Collide.”

“The Sopranos” also illustrated the incoherence of the way we see psychological life. It did this so powerfully by giving violent mobsters everyday emotional “issues.” Tony sees a shrink and takes Prozac. His son gets depressed. His uncle gets Alzheimer’s. Paulie Walnuts struggles when he finds out he’s illegitimate, Vito is gay (then dead) and Bobby Bacala plays with trains. Take two Xanax and whack Sal "Big Pussy" Bonpensiero.

“Tell Me” is also about the incoherence of 21st century American emotional life. But unlike “The Sopranos,” it is essentially post-emotional.

The characters don’t really have big feelings; they don’t scream, hit or crack up, though they cry a little bit. They also don’t know what they feel. And finally, they cannot express anything. They are post-language and, I might add, in a very realistic way. The inarticulate, monosyllabic dialogue is diabolically true to life.

The show turns on three couples and their marriage counselor, Dr. May Foster played by Jane Alexander. Dr. Foster is the only character who can speak in complete sentences. She is also wooden, shallow and cartoonish. She is the most unrealistic character.

Jamie and Hugo are twenty-something hotties who called off their engagement at the last minute. Hugo comes and goes in the series but Jamie is a major character. She has been and remains promiscuous, a “hook up” girl, a provider of benefits to friends. She likes guys that tell her that they love her and she likes what they do when she tells them she loves them. But she is calloused, impulsive, unknowing, manipulative and cavalier with the hearts of others. She generally uses her body instead of her words. The limits of her powers of articulation come when she declares to a boy, “I’m toxic.” She happens to be right.

Jamie is a character parents of daughters will want to focus on as an example of a bad outcome in a sweet package.

Palek and Caroline are thirty-somethings in counseling because Caroline can’t get pregnant. When she does get pregnant, Palek walks out, just like his daddy did when his mommy was pregnant with him. Caroline is hyper-articulate when stating her emotional needs to other people. She appears to be nice during sex and mean at all other times.

Palek is amoral. He is far colder than Tony Soprano. There is never any question that it is wrong to abandon a wife with child. This does not occur to him. Neither Dr. Foster, Caroline or Palek’s buddy ever speak in moral terms. I imagine the show’s creators think the word moral is something only dead, white males used.

These two couples are cool. They are all four gorgeous, hip and in control at all times. They are emotional flatliners. Their facial expressions don’t change. They can’t be shocked. They are cool like ice. I imagine that being cool like this helps to survive hook-up culture.

Dave and Katie are forty-somethings and they are not cool. But they are nice. Dave sells steel and helps at home. Katie is a mom and a graphic designer. They are in counseling because they don’t have sex anymore. Katie has no idea why this is.

Poor Katie has no idea, period. She is a mumbler and a blurter. Her eyes tell us she has feelings but she doesn’t know what to call them. She can answer yes or no questions, but she has no ability to construct a declarative sentence. Dave is a bit better, but then again, his eyes don’t convey feelings.

So Dave and Katie are left groping for reasons to stay together. Again, morality plays no part. They like being parents so they want to be with their kids. But they never speak of staying together for the kids’ sake. They never think they have an obligation to their children or to each other to work out their problems. It is all about wants, not shoulds.

There is a difference between feelings and emotions. All these characters have feelings. Their lives are driven by feelings, little, inarticulate, fleeting, unexamined feelings.

Emotions, I suggest, are more than that. They are bigger. They connect to the intellect and through that connection become more important and enduring than mere feelings.

Emotions also connect with morality, with obligations, commitments and commands. They gain gravitas and their owners take some responsibility for them. They are mature, adult feelings.

America at 9 p.m. on Sunday nights is post-emotional. And that’s cool.

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E-mail questions, comments, complaints, arguments and ideas to Against the Grain. We will publish some of the interesting (and civil) ones, sometimes in edited form.

[bennyblack1]

www.bennyblack1.com

[bennyblack1]

MBC;
I think you need to look at reality, and then look at TV. Then look at what''s going on around you and look at the news. Read the Bible, look at world events, and then watch "The Bourne Identity," and "The Matrix." What you will find out is that the truth is buried in them, hidden by what we call "fiction," which is reality that cannot be spoken through any other medium. TV and movies are no longer just fiction. They are fiction with the cold hard truth sewn in them. I don''t think it is a farce that fictional programs are developing screen plays that dramatize actual events that happen the most. The characters may be fictional, and the events may be displaced in time and space, but the cold hard facts are that these events are happening and have happened. That is the mistake that we are making. We refuse to see the truth. We''d much rather cushion it in a fantasy story than present it outright. Why do you think there are so many people who don''t watch the news? It''s more convenient to think of the truth as a part of a fantasy that will never happen, while it is happening all around us. Take another Xanax, and it all disappears.

[tomgrey2]

It is in large part thanks to TV and consumerization of emotions that there is so little real emotion in the young. "Feelings are not emotions" is an important thought -- emotions require commitment. And it is commitment, which reduces freedom (to violated commitment), that is avoided in the hook-up culture.

Welcome to Oprah, ''moral superiority of victims'', Dem Party "me, in the name of others" hypocrisy ... in culture.

''Violent mobsters'' are just like us -- meaning we''re no better than violent mobsters.

We need more 24 type programs, with good, but imperfect Americans, against bad guys.

[standlee5]

It''s a show. I wouldn''t read a lot into it. It''s a big country with many stories. Just another way to use *** to sell a TV show. So it''s ugly *** it''s still ***. I think the fact that cold case and CSI are completely obsessed with child sexual abuse is much more telling.

[myidoncbs]

mbcsmith says, "Now I know why Myers is so fvcked up. He thinks TV is reality."

This statement reveals much more about mbcsmith than it does about D1ck Meyer. mbcsmith doesn''t like what Meyer said, but he can''t be bothered to explain way, if he even knows. All he can do is attack Meyer. That is truly sad, pathetic even, given that Meyer is not about to read or respond to your attack.

Get a clue, mbcsmith! Meyer does NOT think TV is reality. He uses the TV show to make a point about reality. There''s a big difference, one that any child should be able to grasp. Too bad you are not so able.

[quatrops]

DOB x/x/34. Across the Monongahela from the coke (the other kind) plants in Clairton. I could never figure out why we hung the clothes outside to dry, because they were covered with soot by the time they were done!

Another thing I couldn''t figure out (later, but still!) is why my folks were Republicans, since it was FDR''s New Deal that allowed my Dad to find work and kept (some) food on our table. How proud I was, sporting my "Win With Wilkie" button in 1st grade!

You''re correct, Alan. There WAS a 15 minute time slot for news in the late 40s, sometimes extended, but never shorter (I guess our need to be "entertained" wasn''t so great then . . . we were too busy working, or studying). During WWII most of our news was radio, and I recall MUCH less emphasis on #s of KIA''s, POW''s, etc., perhaps because the DAILY #s matched the YEARLY ones in Iraq.

Enough nostalgia! At the risk of being called (with accuracy on occasion) a grouchy old man, I still maintain Meyer''s essay, at its core, is about the deterioration of the American psyche. We had much more to be proud of in the ''40s than is evident today.

[eggy1620]

What does it say about America that Jerry Springer was seriously considering running for the US Senate a few years ago? Posted by Quatrops
Jerry Springer was actually the mayor of Cinicinnati for a term before he became a white trash tv host.

[alanrobisch]

A couple other observations: (1) When TV was first available to me (''''48-''''49), "news" had a scheduled start time, but no "time slot" (the program lasted as long as there was meaningful news for that day to report). (2) What does it say about America that Jerry Springer was seriously considering running for the US Senate a few years ago?

Posted by Quatrops at 09:45 AM : Nov 15, 2007

Sounds like your older than me my memories of television only go back to early 50''s and I was born in 48. I remember 15 minute evening news

[quatrops]

Why does mbcsmith @ 10:37 make me think of Archie Bunker? Gosh, maybe TV . IS . reality!

[mbcsmith]

His commentary is essentially about the sad state of the American psyche, and Meyers uses TV writers and the characters they create as a vehicle for taking a look.


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Posted by Quatrops at 10:37 AM : Nov 15, 2007

Now I know why Myers is so fvcked up. He thinks TV is reality.

[quatrops]

Re mbcsmith @ 9:08, I think the answer to your question (if it WAS a question) would be Meyer''s mid-essay statement, "Tell Me . . . is about the incoherence of 21st century American emotional life."

His commentary is essentially about the sad state of the American psyche, and Meyers uses TV writers and the characters they create as a vehicle for taking a look.

[quatrops]

I try, but I find it difficult to find something humorous in the sad state of contemporary TV and what it says about our society at large. It is appalling that day after day, decade after decade, we continue to miss the myriad opportunities to inform, entertain, educate, and nourish ourselves.

Creeper00 @ 8:39 was right on target. I would add to his/her commentary about the 9 PM Sunday time slot, that for those of us who have found that life can still have meaning without cable, PBS (in our area) offers Masterpiece Theater.

Re cable: For those that live in a broadcast area where a good signal is available, investment in a good antenna ($100) and disciplined use of a DVD recorder ($200-300) will provide more than enough PBS offerings.

A couple other observations: (1) When TV was first available to me (''48-''49), "news" had a scheduled start time, but no "time slot" (the program lasted as long as there was meaningful news for that day to report). (2) What does it say about America that Jerry Springer was seriously considering running for the US Senate a few years ago?

[mbcsmith]

Why isn''t this in the "Entertainment" section?

[creeper00]

I think I''m glad we don''t get HBO. No need, actually. I can see the live version of this show every day, put on by my children and their friends. I don''t find it entertaining.

Mr. Meyer, you got the time slot right but you missed the channel. In that same time slot on Sundays is the really important program...The Discovery Channel''s rerun of the series "Planet Earth". Do yourself a favor. Quit navel-gazing and take a look at the big blue marble we live on. THAT is where it''s at.

[feelfree1]

re: "but Sunday is where the zeitgeist airs"

I find that hard to believe, but you can watch it here:

www.zeitgeistmovie.com