The Foley-Vitter-Craig Plot To Save GOP

(CBS)  This commentary was written by CBSNews.com's Dick Meyer.

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Democrats act like they're smarter than Republicans. But deep down they're very insecure. Deep down they think Republicans are not only smarter, but they have better secret plans and dirty tricks.

So in some smoke-filled room, or at least a laptop filled room, nervous Democratic opposition researchers are trying to connect the Foley-Vitter-Craig dots. Because only a nit-wit could believe that three very sordid scandals could scourge the GOP in one session of Congress by sheer coincidence. Democrats do not believe in a God that generous.

I am told Democratic counter-operatives are pursuing three conspiracy theories at this point.

The Gay Wedge: The idea here is that Republicans are trying to split the traditionally Democratic gay and "sexually permissive" vote by enlisting sympathy for victims like Mark Foley (priest abuse) and Larry Craig (police state intrusiveness). David Vitter, Louisiana Senator who was on the infamous D.C. Madam's call list (and apparently a few others) is obviously a smokescreen.

A wedge issue splits a constituency traditionally loyal to one party. Republicans know how to use them and Democrats don't. In between Nixon's two wins, Republicans realized they couldn't allow Southern white males to keep voting for conservative, segregationist Democrats. They needed them to vote for conservative, segregationist Republicans.

So Republicans started talking trash about gun control, which the Democrats like but Southern white males hate. That's a wedge issue. Affirmative action was a terrific Republican wedge issue, as were the death penalty and busing. Abortion has worked well for them in recent years, along with immigration and, of course, gay marriage.

The brass ring for wily Republicans would be to split the hardcore leftie voter. Enter Foley and Craig. If Republicans can get just 20 percent of the demographic pod they have secretly code-named "Spawn of Satan" they can win.

There is a long tradition of closeted hyper-conservatives who publicly attack homosexuality. Sen. Joseph McCarthy's chief lieutenant, the creepy Roy Cohn, died of AIDS and was long said to be gay. J. Edgar Hoover was rumored to be gay. Terry Dolan, the director of the arch-right NCPAC, the first PAC to run mega-negative campaign ads, also died of AIDS after being rumored to be gay.

Republicans are counting on this twisted tradition to give their ploy plausibility.

The Straight Wedge: This is a far more psychologically sophisticated plot. It is based on research in brain science that shows all men have a deep-seated fear of getting caught - at something. Polls show that a long, unpopular bloody war, contrary to Republican predictions, has actually eroded support for President Bush and his party among white males. Who'd have thunk? This was a malfunction. A major malfunction.

Calling Democrats a bunch of wusses is the traditional Republican way of appealing to white male voters. It could be ineffective in '08 so the GOP needs a Plan B. "Straight Wedge" is an attempt to subliminally appeal to the male fear of getting caught being naughty. It also (and here's the daring brilliance) taps into an ancient male syndrome known as Hypocritical Blowharditis.

You see, deep inside every masculine id resides a dread that the paternal ego that goes around uttering groundless opinions and making random rules and judging other people will be exposed as pretend or make-believe. Hypocritical Blowharditis in severe forms makes men act out even more as they try to stem the tide of shame.

Republicans orchestrated the Foley, Vitter and Craig affairs as psycho-dramatizations of the nightmare ending - getting caught and exposed. Foley, the protector of children, plays cyber sex games with boys. Vitter, the family moralist, is caught using call girls. Craig, the snarling mean guy, is accused of stalling. Across the country, white males experience relief and schadenfreude. They will unconsciously express their gratitude to Republicans in the voting booth.

Including homosexual scandals is especially ingenious because it allows many white male voters to retain a feeling of moral superiority during their cathartic relief knowing that some other schnook is getting busted wide open.

If Hillary Clinton is the nominee, the Democrats won't have a prayer. The Republicans will subliminally portray her as the Archetypal Woman Who Catches Men.

Democrats are living in fear of the next scandal but expect several.

The Diversion This is the simple plan and Democrats discount it, though they are formulating a counter-attack.

Republicans are vulnerable for one reason and one reason only: Iraq. Voters need to be distracted from Iraq. A series of Republican scandals will lay the groundwork for mega-scandals in '08. In December, they will orchestrate one more Foley-Vitter-Craig level mess while simultaneously pulling U.S. troops out of Iraq.

After the nominee is chosen, Project Diversion/Dirty Tricks Division will initiate a series of Democratic scandals. By the fall, Iraq will be a third tier issue. More scandals will eclipse ancient memories of a distant war. And the Republicans will win.

Obviously these theories remain just that, theories. It just isn't plausible that three such extreme cases of public-private hypocrisy in the Republican party could be a coincidence. Right?

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E-mail questions, comments, complaints, arguments and ideas to
Against the Grain. We will publish some of the interesting (and civil) ones, sometimes in edited form.

[brianbwb-2009]

Obviously these theories remain just that, theories. It just isn%u2019t plausible that three such extreme cases of public-private hypocrisy in the Republican party could be a coincidence. Right?

Right, the more plausible conclusion is that it is so prevalent, like the Rodney King video, it was bound to be exposed sooner or later.

[kansas1946]

The Gay Wedge: The idea here is that Republicans are trying to split the traditionally Democratic gay and %u201Csexually permissive%u201D vote by enlisting sympathy for victims like Mark Foley (priest abuse) and Larry Craig (police state intrusiveness). David Vitter, Louisiana Senator who was on the infamous D.C. Madam%u2019s call list (and apparently a few others) is obviously a smokescreen.
**********************
LOL. That is a good one. I have not heard one liberal, or Democrat for that matter, express any sympathy whatsoever for any of the above. In fact, the opposite is true. They hate these guys, not for being gay, but for attacking *** with legislation, and no amount of poltulating and playing the victim can change their voting, or speech records. They condemmed gay families to hell, while at same time satisfying themselves.
They could have worked to change their party, or they could have switched parties. But to protect their power, the became the lowest of humans, a hypocrite.

[taotxzen]

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW, TAKES TWO MINUTES:

http://www.truemajority.org/oreos/

[aldee41]

Hey, hey, hey! The Republicans are just regular guys, right? Just like you and me and everybody else. After all, it was a PUBLIC restroom Craig was soliciting in. Foley just loves young men, wouldn''t do a thing to hurt one.

The next President will be a Democrat.
Chose wisely. Chose Richardson.

[gkc99]

Right. It''s not a coincidence. There is a force in this universe that brings justice at long last. The justice that will be seen when Georgie Bushit and Darth Chickenshit are seen flat on their faces deep in a pile of cowshit, and their scum-sucking neocon puppet-masters are nursing their sore a$$es.

[gkc99]

Right. It''s not a coincidence. There is a force in this universe that brings justice. The justice that will be seen when Georgie Bushit and Darth Chickenshit are seen flat on their faces deep in a pile of cowshit, and their scum-sucking neocon puppet-masters are nursing their sore a$$es.

[jackhighland]

"It just isn%u2019t plausible that three such extreme cases of public-private hypocrisy in the Republican party could be a coincidence. Right?"

--*** Meyer, CBS News

The "author" of this vitriolic propaganda apparently believes that the Democratic Party is correct in its policy of espousing a total lack of moral leadership.

If you stand for nothing, you can''t fail.

If you believe in nothing, no one can call you a hypocrite.

If you don''t try to lead, you just need opinion polls to find out what you should think.

People make mistakes; IF THEY TRY to follow some principal that is difficult to achieve.

The "author" apparently believes that principals are beyond his reach. He may be right. But the rest of us should strive to be better than our instincts.

The bottom line? Mr. Meyer, don''t be your first name.

[brianbwb-2009]

The premise here is sort of like saying the Nazis would try to get the Jewish vote by setting up Hitler''s cabinet members as Jewish victims of intolerance.

[socrates392]

Still no posts allowed, eh? Are you scared people are going to criticize how bizarre this article is or what? It is pretty bizarre you know.

[cruiser111-2009]

WHAT?