New York, Aug. 22, 2007
The Divorce Course
"Reconcilable Differences," Part 2: How Couples Can Learn To End The Marriage But Keep The Family Intact
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Play CBS Video Video Fight-Free Divorce Ending your marriage in front of a judge can be emotionally and financially draining. Divorce expert Jill Brooke tells Hannah Storm about a smarter way to split up.
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Video Preventing A Divorce Tracy Smith reports on how couples may be able to prevent a divorce by taking a look at something called Marriage Prep 101. Smith explains to Hannah Storm.
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Video Making Shared Custody Work In a series called "What About The Kids?" Tracy Smith looks at no-fault divorce laws. She visits with a divorced couple who have shared custody of their three kids. Is it too much for the kids?
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(CBS)
So what's so surprising about the idea of, well, post-marital counseling -– a class for couples who are breaking up that can teach them how to get through the emotionally difficult and draining process of ending a marriage -- without harming their children.
For eight years, Dr. Mark Banschick of Katonah, N.Y., has taught divorcing couples how to behave when in the middle of a divorce and keep it on track.
"We talk about the hazards of divorce and how to protect yourself. It's very similar to defensive driving," Banshick told Early Show special contributor Jill Brooke in part two of the series, "Reconcilable Differences."
Because pain can make people self-centered, they become less able to function, he notes.
"If a person gets divorced, they're supposed to feel like they're failures. So when you're supposed to feel like you're a failure, you've got to blame someone. And so you're going to blame the other person," said Banschick.
Common mistakes are leaning too hard on youngsters for emotional support or using the children as sounding boards when blaming the spouse for problems.
Banschick says he often relies on role-playing to show parents how harmful their actions, even unintentionally, can be for kids. "Adults need to go to adults for help, not to their children. Clergy. Therapists. You go to your best friend. But don't go to your children," he says.
After one role-playing session, a mother was asked if the course, and the new way of thinking, was effecting her divorce.
"A common situation, and one I experienced, would be when I was starting to say something about the children's father that was not kind," said participant Sue Price. "It was negative. And just realizing that I needed to keep that to myself, and not say it in front of the kids, because it puts stress on them (was beneficial)."
"It enables you to see what the behavior is if you don't do the right thing, how it's going to affect your kid. ... It's a more dramatic picture," said another mother, Susan Tracy.
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Parental Alienation and the court system are still world''s apart. I know I''ve spent 175k in been to court 265 times..in CT. I only hope the information becomes part of Family Law training
my friend bought on amazon. They were wonderful!!!!
One is on divorce in general, positive and nuturing and the second is for families having a lot of problems with divorce like fighting. There are parent guides in the back of each!!
Doesn''t make any sense. He has to send a payment to you every month until you get married.
Always put the kids first & you can''t go wrong.
If you don''t & you choose to play the kids against your ex & bad mouth the ex in front of the kids then once they become adults they''ll let you have it. Kids don''t forget stuff like that. It''s burned on to their brain.
Maybe couples shouldn''t rush to have kids right after marriage. Give it time. See how it goes. Better yet, long before you get married, ask yourself the question: do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this person? Or am I just lonely, desperate, all-my-friends-are-getting-married, I''m running-out-of-time-to- have-kids, etc. Divorce lawyers are rich enough.
Good luck.
Christina Rowe
Author of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce- what every women needs to know
http://www.secretsofdivorce.com
Christina Rowe
Author of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce- what every women needs to know
http://www.secretsofdivorce.com
But he does and has admitted to being hurt and angry about how my HUSBAND reacts and treats his halfsister. He wants to know why she is sooo great that his dad will stick around and why he was not good enough to get his dad to stay. It hurts him esp since his mom has since died.
People should read the old classic "The Rocking Horse Winner" it is a story about a little boy, who could ''feel'' all the things that were not said and what he knew because of what was not said--were killing him.
Tension is palpable, anger and resentment, even hidden is palpable, when people speak of hiding it or just not revealing it, it is more for decorum and the sake of appearances and the ex spouse than it is for the kids. The kids almost always know or sense the discordance of even a divorce and it WILL affect them later. They will deal with it (what choice will they have) but they will be affected by it and it will govern later relationships of their own.
- by keithle1 August 22, 2007 9:38 AM EDT
- Don''t say anything bad about your ex in front of the kids. Even if it''s true. Put the kids first.
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