New York, Aug. 18, 2007
Preventing A Date With Disaster
Two Relationship Experts Give Some Basic Tips For Meeting — And Dating — New People
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The Early Show Happily Ever After! Do you know a couple who has a great relationship? We want to hear about them!
Where's the best place to meet people?
No where – or at least not at meet markets, bars or parties. According to Matt, a recent study reports that more than 50% of all couples met each other while running an errand. "These people were not dressed to impress, nor did they plan on finding 'the one' that day. It just happened," he said. "This is why contrived environments like bars, lounges or singles events can ultimately be big disappointments."
Dennie concurs. "I've been saying for years that volunteering is one of the best places to find good people with big hearts, and as a matter of fact, I spoke with tons of couples recently for a story about that," she said.
Some other suggestions from Matt:
Someone has caught your eye — what's the best way to approach him or her?
The first thing you should do is make sure you haven't misunderstood a potential signal, said Dennie. "If someone catches your eye and smiles, look down and then look back up to see if they repeat this behavior," she suggested. "If so, you have been given the signal to come over and say hello — flirting is over 85 percent body language."
According to Matt, "Men in general like it when a woman approaches them with a question regarding the immediate environment. For example: 'Where is the running trail in this park?' 'Can you tell me where the snow shovels might be?' 'My brother looks like the same size as you, could you try on this sweater so I could see how it looks on him?' Men respond well to taking charge and answering questions. Women love to be complimented especially regarding what they are wearing; for instance, 'That's a great jacket, what color is that?' 'I love those boots, they are so sexy!'"
Matt also urges shy folks to keep a positive attitude. "The best thing you can do if you are shy is realize that the person that you are approaching is LUCKY that you even noticed them and took the time to approach them. You are paying them such a compliment by giving them the opportunity to meet such a special person as yourself," he said.
Let's say you want to go the techno route — using Web sites, e-mail or a text message to connect with someone?
Dennie suggested being lighthearted in your approach. "The favorite opening line for most texters is the wink wink sign, ;) or ;-) — it's quick, easy and lets someone know you're interested. If they wink or write back? Keep it simple: Tell them how much you liked their profile and say something specific ('Hey, I'm a Yankees fan, too — maybe we should watch a game together sometime!'"). Dennie also recommends some "great new technology: matchmoi.com has a new service for their members that allows them to type in a zip code from their phone and get matches of people who are in that area and looking to date!"
And once you've made the date, are some basic tips:
Dos and Don'ts From Dennie:
Do's:
1. Speak clearly, but softly — it makes the other person want to lean in to hear you and that closeness can be very subtly sexy.
2. Be complimentary: it shows interest without your having to jump into the sack with someone!
3. Accept compliments: the inability to accept a compliment is an extreme turn-off: If he says you're pretty, and you say you're not, he may believe you!
4. Be positive: Your date is not your shrink — tell her all the good stuff about your life so that she'll be excited to be in it.
Don'ts:
According to my readers, their biggest dating turnoffs: Being late, being cell-bound, and get this: being rude to wait staff!
And, some guaranteed conversation killers:
1. "Ex-rated talk": blaming and bashing your ex lets your potential new mate know you are not over the old one.
2. Interrogation tactics: do ask questions, but don't be a drill sergeant — rapid-fire questions make a person feel like they are trapped.
3. Bound-to-be-broken-up-with-babble: biological clocks, wedding fantasies, "I'm sick of being single" moaning … Enough said!
Advice from Matt:
1) Always be confident: Confidence is sexy. It is the single most alluring trait a single person can have.
2) Keep your independence: When your boyfriend or girlfriend knows that you would be "just fine" without them, they will always be interested in trying to get closer (it's human nature). Being independent will also give you and your significant other space and necessary breaks from each other.
3) Keep the mystery: Never be too available or too open. It is always good to let the other person wonder a little!
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