Road Rules: Vatican City

Vatican Issues "Ten Commandments" For Drivers; Warns Against Sins Of The Highway

(AP)  Got road rage? The Vatican on Tuesday issued "Ten Commandments" for drivers, telling motorists to be charitable to others on the highway, to refrain from drinking and driving, and to pray you make it before you even buckle up.

An unusual document from the Vatican's office for migrants and itinerant people also warned that automobiles can be "an occasion of sin" — particularly when used to make a dangerous overtaking maneuver or when used by prostitutes and their clients.

It warned about the effects of road rage, saying driving can bring out "primitive" behavior in motorists, including "impoliteness, rude gestures, cursing, blasphemy, loss of sense of responsibility or deliberate infringement of the highway code."

Cardinal Renato Martino, who heads the office, told a news conference that the Vatican felt it necessary to address the pastoral needs of motorists because driving had become such a big part of contemporary life. He cited World Health Organization statistics that said an estimated 1.2 million people are killed in road crashes each year and as many as 50 million are injured.

"That's a sad reality, and at the same time, a great challenge for society and the church," he said.

He noted that the Bible was full of people on the move, including Mary and Joseph, the parents of Jesus — and that his office is tasked with dealing with all "itinerant" people on the roads — from refugees to prostitutes, truck drivers and the homeless.

The document, "Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road," extols the benefits of driving — family outings, getting the sick to the hospital, allowing people to get to work and see other cultures.

But it laments a host of ills associated with automobiles: Drivers use their cars to show off; driving "provides an easy opportunity to dominate others" by speeding; and drivers can kill themselves and others if they don't get their cars regular tune-ups, if they drink, use drugs or fall asleep at the wheel.

It also pointed the finger at traffic problems particular to Italy, including the "minicars" that teens can drive without full drivers' licenses and "the reckless use of motorbikes and motorcycles."

It called for drivers to obey speed limits and to exercise a host of Christian virtues: charity to fellow drivers, prudence on the roads, hope of arriving safely and justice in the event of crashes.

And it suggested prayer might come in handy — performing the sign of the cross before starting off and saying the Rosary along the way. The Rosary was particularly well-suited to recitation by all in the car since its "rhythm and gentle repetition does not distract the driver's attention."

Martino's initiative was sure to make headlines in Italy, where car culture is deeply entrenched — this is the home of Ferrari and Fiat — and where weekend highway deaths make the evening news on a regular basis.

[randalds]

I don't care if I'm broke or starvin'
As long as I've got a fish named Darwin
Glued to the trunk lid of my car
God, I'm feeling so evolved
Drivin' with my problems solved
Proclaiming what I think of what we are

Riding home one foggy night
With my honey cuddled tight
I missed a curve and off the road we veered
My windshield got smashed-up good
And my darling graced the hood
Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared

{As Refrain}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus,
No longer chides me with His holy grin
Doctors in the X-ray room
Found Him in my darling's womb
Someday, He'll be born again!

I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
He's the dude with the rusty nails
Walks on water, don't need no sails
Riding on the dashboard of me car

I don't care if the night is scary
As long as I got the virgin Mary
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car
She don't slip and she don't slide
'Cause her as*s is magnetized
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car

[randalds]

I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the twelve apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car

When pedestrians try to cross
I let them know who's boss
I never blow my horn or give them warning
I ride all over town
Trying to run them down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morning

{As refrain}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just right
And I use it as a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

God made Christ a holy Jew
God made Him a Christian too
Paradoxes populate my car
Joseph beams with a feigned elan
From the shaggy dash of my furlined van
Famous cuckold in the master plan

Naughty Mary, smug and smiling
Jesus dainty and beguiling
Knee-deep in the piling of my van
His message clear by night or day
My phosphorescent plastic gay
Simpering from the dashboard of my van

{As refrain}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white
Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar

When I'm goin' fornicatin'
I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago motor home
The women know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago motor home
Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago motor home
Leering from the dashboard of my van

[randalds]

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
I could go a hundred miles an hour
Long as I got the almighty power
Glued up there with my pair of fuzzy dice

{Refrain - repeat between verses}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations
We will travel every nation
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far

I don't care if it rains or snowses
Long as I got my plastic Moses
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations
We will travel every nation
Me and plastic Moses will go far

I don't care if it rains or freezes
As long as I've got my plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's pink and pleasant
Take Him with you when you're travelling far

I don't care if it's dark or scary
Long as I have magnetic Mary
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
I feel I'm protected amply
I've got the whole *** holy family
Riding on the dashboard of my car

You can buy a sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell

I don't care what they say, I'm gonna
Keep on prayin' to that pink Madonna
Melted to the dashboard of my car
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell

[cbs_oliver]

I have now read some of the original document, which, by the way, is difficult to find on the web even at Catholic sites (although news reports of the document's existence are numerous and mostly vacuous); but you can find it if you search using the official title. Most of the document has nothing to do with driving, but deals instead with prostitutes, abandoned children and the homeless. There is quite a discussion of the underlying thought on all these issues.

The shorthand which seems to have captured the attention of media types begins as follows:

"In any case, with the request for motorists to exercise virtue, we have drawn up a special %u201Cdecalogue%u201D for them, in analogy with the Lord%u2019s Ten Commandments. These are stated here below, as indications, considering that they may also be formulated differently.

I.
You shall not kill.

....."

BC Kelly has already posted the rest.

The document overall is quite good.

Although the Vatican regularly turns a blind eye to great cruelty and corrupt behavior by the priviledged there is no doubt that many in the Catholic church are never-the-less still inspired to do great good. This seems to be an example.

[sandy19731]

Since we can make up new commandments, anybody have some for the vatican?

[sandy19731]

Making a monument to put in our city park right away.....

[susanhelit]

Are we sure an Onion parody article didn't slip in here? This sounds so much like a parody!

[bareemperor]

The Vatican knows sin.

[texas468]

Jolsonbear, are you the Legalization of Gay marriage poster child now???

[tuckerndfw]

I'm not sure which is more ridiculous, the pope giving advice on how to drive (and sexual behavior) or the morons who actually listen to him.

The pope must think he's the director of the AAA. (American Auto Assn.)

Oh, that's right, he claims God gives him the inside scoop on everything (except perverts in his own organization).

Never mind.