Book Excerpt: "Grace Will Lead Me Home"

Robin Givens' Memoir Recounts Her Stormy Marriage to Mike Tyson

(CBS) 
“Hello? Hello? Robin, are you there?” The voice jolted me from
my memory. I’d nearly forgotten that I had pressed the “send” button
on my phone. I hesitated to answer . . . but only for a brief
moment.

“Mom, it’s me.” But of course she knew that already. The pounding
of my heart made it hard to hear my own thoughts . . . but there
was only one thought that was truly important. I took a breath, a deep
cleansing breath, and let it out.

“Please forgive me.” I’d already said I was sorry at least a thousand
times over the years, and heaven knows I was sorry I’d brought
him into her life. But there was something different about today. I
had let go of the past and I had forgiven. I had forgiven Michael, and
nothing is more empowering than the act of forgiving. True forgiveness
is simply, purely redemptive. Forgiving had reminded me that
my life was a gift from a far greater power than The Baddest Man on
the Planet. Michael truly did not hold any power over my life, and
he could not take away my living—unless I allowed him to do that.
The things I intended to do, the living I was intended to do, all I was
intended to be could never truly be taken away. That’s true for all of
us. I had forgiven Michael and I needed my mother to forgive me.
She had been a fierce protector of the gate, and it was as if I had
opened it and all hell broke loose.

“Please forgive me,” I said again, and added, “I wish I had listened.”
As I pressed the “end” button and slid the phone back in my
pocket, I realized that she had already forgiven me, and she had just
been waiting for me to reach the place where I could forgive myself.
A long chapter of our lives had come to an end. There was nothing
left to be fixed, to be changed. I could live in the promise of today
and in the hope of tomorrow.

I am going to do something that would’ve been impossible not so
long ago. I am going to reflect on my life honestly, clearly, without
blinking or looking away. No matter how sordid the details or how
painful the remembering, it’s important for me to honor and even celebrate
the path that led me here. I’m doing it for myself, to document
my journey. I’m doing it for my children because, of all that I have
and all that I wish for them, our greatest gift to our children is our
walk with God. And I’m sharing it with you because when we look
back at the chapters of our lives, there’s at least one that was so horrible
that we were afraid it would be the last chapter. I call this chapter
“Michael”—maybe you’ve named yours after a husband or wife,
a parent, an addiction or some other disease. Maybe you’re going
through that chapter right now.

Despite the superficial differences, all these chapters share a
rock-bottom sense of despair and hopelessness. In my Michael chapter,
I feared for my family and for my life. There were so many days
I was sure I couldn’t go on, and almost as many days when I didn’t
want to. But things change when we change—and not a moment before.
We forgive, we are forgiven, we grow, and we go on.
Sometimes change is hard to see. I suppose it’s like Buddy in his
bed, on the morning of New Year’s Day. One day the bed swallows
him up and then, before you know it, you wonder how the bed can
hold him. That’s how life is. One day it may seem it is too much to
handle; that all of our efforts to change have gone in vain—then oh
so suddenly we find ourselves transformed and we are bursting at the
seams, with joy.


Copyright © 2007 Robin Givens

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in
any manner whatsoever without the written permission of the Publisher.
Printed in the United States of America. For information address
Hyperion, 77 West 66th Street, New York, NY 10023-6298

ISBN 1-4013-5246-4

First Edition