Spears Says She Was "So Lost"

(CBS)  Britney Spears has posted on her Web site an open letter that she says she hopes will change the way some people see her.

Spears, 25, writes that she is numb to stories about her that appear in the tabloids and chalks it all up to the human desire to learn about the "bad" even if it isn't the truth. Rehab, she said, was a "humbling place" and she had "truly hit rock bottom." But it wasn't alcoholism or depression that sent her over the edge, she wrote.

"I was like a bad kid running around with ADD. I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce (from Kevin Federline)," she said. "I was so overwhelmed I think that I was in a little shock too. I didn't know who to go to. I realized how much energy and love I had put into my past relationship when it was gone because I genuinely did not know what to do with myself, and it made me so sad. I confess, I was so lost."

Spears fired her manager Larry Rudolph in April and made a video tape sarcastically thanking her management for sending her to the Promises rehab center in Malibu. But Spears writes that the letter is not to "place blame on anyone," but to let the world know that she feels she was used.

---

Photos: Britney Spears

---

"Being in that vulnerable state and taken to dinners and parties with friends and finding out later you paid for everything was a huge learning lesson for me," she wrote. "I think the whole problem was letting too many people into my life. You never know another persons intentions or what another person wants. I feel I was too open and looking for answers when I had it all to begin with. I have had to cut so many people out of my life. It is so sad, because if anyone is a family person...it is me."

---

Timeline: Britney's Meltdown

---

Spears has also had some public falling outs with her parents, Jamie and Lynn Spears, because she reportedly blames them for her time in rehab as well. But Spears wrote about feeling "at peace" with her family as a child and hopes her two young sons, Jayden James and Sean Preston, will have that feeling as well.

"I am having to face a lot of things right now since I have children of my own," she wrote. "A lot of insecurities from when I was little are coming up again. It is like we are never good enough."

In the end, despite the paparazzi and the incessant news coverage of her love life and career, Spears wrote that she is "truly blessed to have this life."

"I just hope this letter made some of you think a little bit more of me and where I am coming from," she wrote. "I just want the same things in life that you want...and that is to be happy."

[ralan40]

and at 14 minutes and 30 seconds of her 15 minutes, she gets to restart the clock by jumping out and saying "hi, remember me?"

She shaved her head to avoid a (hair folicle) drug test. So were her parents making her do the drugs? Acceptance of personal responsibility is the key towards turning your life around, and blaming other people for your problems doesn't quite cut it.
If she wants to be happy, she should take her money and kids and dissappear from public life if that is what she thinks is the source of her problems.

[kevzgrl]

I love it - she blames Mom and Dad and her manager for her going to rehab. Hey, sweetie, you are the one who CHOSE to drink and drug. Mom and Dad and the manager didn't FORCE you to bend your elbow up with that bottle or glass in your hand. Mom and Dad and manager didn't FORCE you to bend your head down and stick that little straw in your nose and inhale. YOU CHOSE to do it. I am so tired of people blaming their problems on everyone but their own stupid CHOICES!! Britney - be a woman and admit you were the one at fault, not everyone else.

[jantesh]

I think Brittany should make a porn movie together with Paris Hilton. It will sell well. It's about the only thing the two would be good at and good for.

[justfacts2]

Oh and another thing catherineto1, nowhere in my comment did I suggest that Britney get a life. I think you need to go back reread my first comment.

[justfacts2]

Catherineto1 I was not passing judgement like you seem to think. Past behaviour predicts future behaviour and she does not have a good track record. If you think my comments were harsh I meant for them to be and I didn't say anything but the truth. I know the truth hurts sometimes, but hey if I am one of the only ones on here that has the guts to be honest so be it. And I also suggest you take some anger management classes because you really do need it.

[jetlizhan]

i'm glad she's getting her senses back, well, as much as she's ever had. i can't imagine how crazy it must be to live in a fishbowl. i wouldn't trade my life for that for any amount of money.

[jetlizhan]

i'm glad she's getting her senses back, well, as much as she's ever had. i can't imagine how crazy it must be to live in a fishbowl. i wouldn't trade my life for that for any amount of money.

[truthbtold07]

O c'mon on now, this is a public comment zone. so get off your high horse and judge yourself. you aren't any better than us commenting on this site.

[catherinetodd]

People can be so mean, cutting and cruel with their "comments" about things they know nothing about, and someone they don't even know.

Why attack Britney Spears who is doing the best she can do? She has accomplished so much in so few years.

You say: "Get a Life?" How about if you both big-time mean commentators "get a life for yourself" instead of wasting our time with your harsh judgmental words, and causing more pain for someone who at least is out there doing something.

What have you both got to show for "yourselves," other than vicious remarks about other people's lives?

I hope you both burn in hell where you belong, instead of spreading your bits of "hell" on everyone else. Take this to heart! For what you wish on others, you will get more of the same.

[pghlady3]

Get a life for gods sake!
rehab was humbling? on the phone 24/7, sneaking out to go shopping, yeah i'm sure rehab was humbling.....