Obsessive Love Ruins A Marriage

Dr. Phil Discusses One Of His Most Perplexing Cases

(CBS)  Jeffrey and Jennifer are so dysfunctional that even Dr. Phil McGraw is stumped as to how he can help them.

Jeffrey is obsessed with Jennifer, his wife. He can't bear to be apart from her and has sabotaged her so he could have her to himself. He desperately keeps track of her every move, every phone call, every e-mail.

Even after he went for psychological treatment, "Jeffrey is still having trouble not knowing what I'm doing and it's freaking him out," Jennifer explained to McGraw during a segment for his syndicated show. "He's checked my e-mail. He's been checking the messages on the phone to see who called. That right there showed me he wasn't giving it his best effort. I am definitely going through with a separation and divorce. He's really irrational. I don't want to have to have him arrested, but if I have to, I will."

How extreme was Jeffrey's behavior? "This is a guy that had a GPS (tracking system) in her car," explained McGraw. "He's bugged her house with cameras that she didn't know about. He would wait until she went to bed, turn the thermostat up to 95 so she'd kick the covers off and he could take pictures of her body. Following her everywhere. Locking her in the basement. Completely out of control. This isn't love. It's dominance."

In two segments for his show (airing today and tomorrow), McGraw caught up with the estranged couple. He confronted Jeffrey about his behavior: "Since you've been in the program, you've called her until 3:00 in the morning. You've called her a liar and a cheat. You called her mother and said your daughter is a ----, you've called her numerous times. As a result, I'm wondering if she feels like you really are trying to let go and respect her
as a human being."

Replied Jeffrey, "I'm not perfect."

The obsessive lover first came to McGraw's attention when he made contact with McGraw's show. Jennifer "was at the point where she said, 'That's it, I'm done.' So he writes me and says, 'Help me with my wife,' so she says, 'Well, that's a pretty bold move for him to write Dr. Phil and be willing to go on there and answer hard questions.' But he got here and found out, you know, 'I cannot control this guy, can't manipulate him.'"

Control and manipulation are Jeffrey's favorite tools for ruling Jennifer's life.

"The number one key to control and abuse is isolation," McGraw explained to The Early Show co-anchor Hannah Storm. "If you're getting cut off from all the resources in your life. If they cut you off from church, friends, mom. This guy was manipulating her by getting her fired. He wanted her at home, not at work, 'flirting.' So he would set her alarm for different times so she would wake up and be late for work and get fired. He would even sabotage the car."

Jeffrey was "financially isolating her, emotionally, socially isolating her."


If this behavior is at all familiar, McGraw feels it's important to consider breaking away. "If somebody is cutting you off from all your opportunities for support and rationality and dominating what you do, you may be in an abusive situation and you need to reach out for help in some way," he advised.

For more about the extreme relationship between Jeffrey and Jennifer, go to the Dr. Phil website, www.drphil.com, and look for the heading "Obsessive Love."

[ssporleder]

This man is a scary stalker and when will we read her obituary?

[ssporleder]

This man is a scary stalker and when will we read her obituary?

[spirit411]

I would love to collar you LARD008, sounds like you need it! I know a few who would love to do this much and more to you for your fould mouth.
LARD, good name for you pig!

[malone2746]

lard0008...it's people like you who have made this world into what it is. You are a disgrace to ALL human beings. I thank God everyday I am married to a man who loves me and honors me, not just as his wife but as a person who he respects as an individual. I pray that you are not a married man with daughters. I can only imagine how the women in your life must feel being with a piece of trash like you.

[Leighjohn]

I am really saddened by the behavior of this gentleman, but it is not isolated nor is it unique. This sort of behavior as far as I can understand comes from the deepest parts of our physique which has to do with acceptance and love. The problem is that we corrupt this wonderful emotion with dominance. It is why this nation has to deal with aberrations such as the kkk, Imus, covert racism, immigration etc. It is all about being able to co-opt others lives with impunity.
Until this nation can stop being dismissive of the lives of others and especially those that are not of our own, then this sort of behavior will always be part of the human arsenal of survival.
Life cannot be about our personal narcissisms, hidden weaknesses, failures and dominance over others. We need to be accepting of others and ourselves with our foibles, so that we can begin to understand life and what it takes to live in a decent world. We need to acknowledge failings and strengths, so that true coexistence can be achieved. This is the heart of any relationship and especially marriage. Any thing else is a waist of time and effort. The resources used to promulgate such an evil will always finite. The dominant person will then seek refuge in the demise of his victim. This is why this gentleman%u2019s wife can and should walk away quickly. She now has her own weapon of dominance which is impunity. The apt phrase will be, %u201Cwhatever%u201D

[spirit411]

As a survivor of this type of relationship, all I can say is what kind of parents are making these people?
I want to see the parents of these men and find out what the hell did they do!
Not to mention is do these guys have sisters and is it ok for others to treat their sisters like this?
I knew my ex's mother and she was a wacko and yet his father who got out early was a wonderful and gentle man, HIs brother also was a great deal of support through it all.
There is nothing worse then a wounded animal and that is exactly what this guys is a wounded animal run, hide and stay hid, not fair but fair has nothing to do with it, survival for you and the kids is what the game is and not much more at this point!
GOOD LUCK
GODSPEED!