Married Couples Part Beds To Keep Peace

Snoring Can Tear Couples Apart Because It Prevents A Good Night's Rest

(CBS)  Studies confirm that Americans are not getting enough sleep — and that can increase stress and make you less productive at work. The problem can often be that people share a bed with a significant other who snores.

The answer for many couples may be separate bedrooms. Instead of being the sign of a failed marriage, it may be the salvation.

Everything about Betty and Bob Brennan's two decades of marriage seemed perfect until the lights went out. She's an insomniac while he is a light sleeper who snores.

"I was at the point where it was like 'Get out or, you know, I've got to get out,' " Betty Brennan said. "And sometimes I'd grab my pillow and I'd slam the door on the way out and it was awful."

She's tried other things in the past such as holding his nose, but that didn't work. Bob says there is no way he will get surgery. He says a friend of his underwent the painful medical procedure, which helped the snoring, but the marriage still fell apart.
Ironically, what they're doing is what a lot of TV couples did in the 1950s. In "I Love Lucy," "Leave It to Beaver" and "The Dick Van Dyke Show," couples slept in separate beds in order to satisfy network censors. But maybe they were 50 years ahead of their time.

Betty found herself angry while Bob was tired and irritable — not what you want to be when you're the chief of police in Atherton, Calif. To keep the peace in his home, the chief and his wife decided to part beds after 20 years.

"When we first got married, I couldn't sleep unless he was in the bed," Betty said. "And he used to always at least have a hand on my hip or somewhere on my hip or somewhere on my back."

Now they are more comfortable and both are sleeping better than ever. At the police station, many noticed that Bob is more relaxed. Now police lt. Glenn Nielsen says separate bedrooms could help his marriage as well.

"We have a spare bedroom that would work just perfect for this," he said.

According to the National Sleep Foundation, 53 percent of adults say they have relationship problems because of their or their partner's sleep disorder.

And the housing industry seems ready to capitalize on this trend. One survey predicts by the year 2015, more than 60 percent of custom homes will have dual master bedrooms like one home under construction in St. Louis. The builder says they can be used for visiting in-laws, returning children and friends, and — in growing numbers — snoring spouses.

"Not that they're not happily married," said Dennis Hayden who is building these homes. "It's that I helps them actually survive their marriage. It gives the spouses somewhere to escape to if they're snoring."

But many who seek separate bedrooms still face the stigma.

"If the individuals and a couple are not in the same bed, people are immediately suspicious that the relationship has gone awry, that there's a problem," said John Elia, a health education Professor, San Francisco State University.

But the Brennans do spend some bed-time together. She stays under the covers to get warm and he stays on top to keep cool. But when the lights go out, it's time for Bob to go. For the Brennans, there is no greater love than a good night's sleep — alone.

[granmanancy]

After years of my husband's snoring I finally convinced him to see his doctor, and he was tested and found out he has "sleep apnea". I suggest having this done especially if some one has intermitant snores like the one fellow one the program. Now my husband wears a type of breathing machine to help. The test was amazing, as it showed how many times he woke up and how many times he actually stopped breating during the course of the night. Now we can sleep together, and he is in a better mood, and does not fall asleep during the day.

[michellem99-2009]

I am a single person and I do have a live in friend. We sleep apart. We are in our 50s.
He snore,run fans,has a nite light on,has it cool.
I just shut the door to my room,watch TV,be on computer,turn out the light,crawl in to bed,room is dark and quiet,plus I need it warm. I feel the cold more now I am older. Plus our sleep habits are different. My Mum always slept apart for personal reasons. So what. Never thought about it.
We are both disabled persons so our sleeping needs are diferent. What it comes down to is you love your spouse and where you bed down in your home should not matter .

[harp1963]

My wife and I have been married 19 years. Her body is naturally hot (the kids and I call her "thermal butt"). I'm cold. In the winter she closes the vents in our bedroom and I freeze. I open them and she is hot. We sleep in seperate bedrooms part of the year. What's the big deal?

[sevenveils]

What is your point hypnotoad72?

[hypnotoad72]

How about posting stories as to how many bother to get married... or how often they divorce? Or who are so slimy they want to commit infidelity while married?

I'm sure there are better reasons to exercise. One day they'll become obvious to me too. Just so long as it isn't means to get into the military more quickly. (that's sarcasm...)

[ssporleder]

mquinlisk

When traveling - get the white squisy earplugs. Most rooms have noisy air conditioners that you can put on plain air and that is how I have survived on vacations - even one with the jerk.

[ssporleder]

I lived with one man who snored so badly that he eventually did sleep in another room, downstairs and not under my room. If both doors were not closed, I could still hear him!
Then another man snored as bad. He was a jerk about it so I used my phone to call his phone and left a "message" with his snoring on it.
He was still a jerk, but he got to hear it. His own Mother was annoyed by it and how he would not even try to correct it.
I asked if I snored, yes I do, but it appears that it was something that was not so obscene and they could sleep through it or go back to sleep easily enough.
It was probably the death of both relationships and it needs to be addressed in the medical community more so that people are not distanced.

[mquinlisk]

When I was pregnant and as my children were newborns, I became a light sleeper as I often had to visit the washroom or tend to the children. It became increasingly difficult to quickly return to a restful sleep with my husband's snoring. We have been sleeping apart for 3+ years now. I just hate it. He refuses to see a doctor about it. Now as the kids get older, I want to begin planning some family vacations but I don't know how I will rest if I have to share the same bed with him. I become irritable and angry as he sleeps and wakes rested. I love to travel but this presents a new twist for us.

[neenga]

My brother had the "snoring surgery" and it did not help his snoring. During this procedure, your uvula is removed. The uvula is essential in swallowing, so his chances of choking are many times higher now. The surgery was a big mistake.

[only4u-2009]

Sometimes my husband and I sleep separate, but it's not because of snoring. The smell of the Bengay keeps me from sleeping. So we kiss each other good night and I kindly ask him to leave LOL.