Poll: 20% In U.S. Care For Aging Parents

4 In 10 Say The Experience Has Caused Disputes Among Family Members

(CBS)  One in five Americans has had the responsibility of caring for an aging parent - by taking them into their homes or paying for their care - but many more are concerned about having to do so. Providing this care can be stressful: four in ten of those who have had the experience of caring for aging parents say issues involving that care have often led to disputes among family members.

One in five Americans, 21 percent, say they are either caring for an aging parent or have had to do so in the past – 16 percent are doing so now and 5 percent once did. This responsibility varies by gender, and women are twice as likely as men to be caring for an aging parent right now.

CARING FOR AN AGING PARENT?

Yes, now
16%
Have in the past
5%
No
79%

Americans 45-64 years old – most of whom are part of the "baby boom" generation - are the most likely age group to be providing care right now.

43 percent of those who are now or who have given care report that the situation caused disputes among family members. Women who've cared for aging parents are more likely than men to say it caused disputes.

HAS CARING FOR AGING PARENT CAUSED DISPUTES AMONG FAMILY MEMBERS?
(Among those caring for now or have in past)

Yes
43%
No
57%



But whether caring for parents now or not, most Americans - 64 percent - are concerned about having to do so, including four in ten who are very concerned.

CONCERNED ABOUT HAVING TO CARE FOR AGING PARENT?

Very concerned
43%
Somewhat concerned
21%
Not too/not very concerned
26%

Men and women are about equally concerned. 72 percent of younger Americans under 30 are concerned, as are those 30-44 (73 percent are) and most of those 45-64 (63 percent).

This poll was conducted among a random sample of 1,142 adults nationwide, interviewed by telephone February 8-11, 2007. The error due to sampling for results based on the entire sample could be plus or minus three percentage points. The error for subgroups is higher.

[too-painfull]

the government exploits me denying me healthcare or a future or even a day off. there will be no retirement, i will not last that long. my mom is blind with dementia and arthritis and heart failure and incontinence and more diseases than i can count sometimes and she cannot even remember to leave her oxygen on if i could go out and work all day, or she could fall down. they discriminate against her diseases so she gets no help recovering from anything, that is all up to me. the medical providor has so called social workers that are nothing but ignorant pencil pushers who's job it is to get people that are expensive to the insurance thrown into nursing homes. monied crybabies with so called real jobs and benefits tell me they are tired and they don't know how they are going to fund college for their kids or their next cruise to the carribean, they are called siblings. i thank god every day i have that i am not running mom to another abusive ER on my broken feet where they invariably do a lousy job or a day when she is semi alert and has not soiled herself, but those days are few. why is it that i can save the government all this money for all these years and they cannot even treat me like a human being? retirement? i'll be lucky to be able to afford a box to live in or be buried in. what the united states is inflicting on the former middle class is plain and simple-genocide. let's not whitewash it and call it anything else but what it is please.

[rstroud325]

I read these stories and after a 1 1/2 yrs looking for someone in my shoes. It is hard. Mom at the age of 67 had 2 strokes. All happended so suddenly, 1 day she is out mowing her grass, planting flowers and running errands and the next,she has lost all means of body function. Mom worked in a supermarket with no retirement. She left at the age of 62. She had little saved so that she could live on SS and the little savings. She paid in to SS 30 yrs. When tragidy struck my husband and I was debt free. Working hard but were there. Now after a year 1/2 of caring for mom she is worse with dementia etc.. and we have had to turn to nursing home care. Belive me it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. I have searched and searched for help and got no where. No we have had to apply for medicare for her. Well that is a joke. I have hade no help, no social worker, no one to guide us in any direction. It is all about the all mighty dollar. Tragidy struck October, 2005 and now February, 2007 My husband and I are paying for mom's nursing home care $3500.00 a month. We have maxed out our credit cards. Why ? Where is the help when it is needed. Where do people like us turn too. You are all so right it is just not fair. I have needed an understanding voice. I know that GOD is watching over us and even though know one else sees what we have done he does and he is here by oursides when no one else seems to be. GOD BLESS ALL, [e-mail]

[smcaregiver]

I have been watching your show on the reverse rolls of Children taking care of their Parents. I appreciate that the people you have shown on your show are doing all they can for their Parents, but they can afford to. You have not however aired a segment which demonstrates how difficult it is for a child who%u2019s Parents do not own property, have not been able to save for their senior years, and have no other income than their monthly S.S.I. income. These Children, unfortunately although they have worked hard, have also been unable to save enough to help with their Parent%u2019s expenses. It becomes very difficult to know the only way your Parent can survive is to have then admitted to a Nursing Home only after they have been declared and certified unable to care for themselves. It is even more difficult when the Parent wants to remain in their apartment, (their home), and will not agree to go to even assisted living. The system that is in place does not have enough people who comprehend how to help with this problem thus leaving the Parent in a very precarious position of living in danger of hurting themselves. Knowing your love one is in danger, living under less than healthful conditions and struggling to find a way to make life better for them is very stressful and sad. I am just writing to see if your show might give more information to the other segment of your viewers who need assistance in finding help in how to solve their problems with this issue.

[darcey60]

I am taking care of a 76 year old mother who suffered a stroke 4 years ago. It is absolutely outrageous how there are NO government services for her in New Jersey. So every month, she dips HEAVILY into savings. Within a year's time, she'll probably run out of all her money, and the Government will have to put her up in a very expensive nursing home.
There is a program in some parts of New Jersey, but not in Bergen County, called the Congregate Housing Program. It allows Seniors to cost share for home health aides, This postpones the need for them to get on Medicaid, and gets them the needed aides for their daily living. Under this program, seniors pay for help based on their income. I have been begging State legislatures in my area to expand this program, so that my mother does not have to go on Medicaid, and in a nursing home, but to no avail. It costs the State about $1,000 per year per person. Somehow NJ legislatures rather pay the cost of a nursing home -- $8,000 per month per patient!

[pkburris]

I also feel a responsibility to care for my parent at the end of her life as she cared for me at the beginning of mine. I chose a nursing home and used her life savings to pay for it. I think people who parents die with money still in the bank should consider themselves lucky. I have seen people who say they want to care for their parents at home, but it is usually a case of wanting to save money. My mother is well cared for in the nursing because I make sure she is. If I was old enough to be retired I might could have taken care of her myself. Since I am still putting kids through school, I needed the resources a nursing home could provide. Her money paid for her care and I am saving now for mine.

[imshl12]

In hindsight, supporting my inlaws in every way for 20 years before their incapacitation, allowed them to bank all of their own money. Now, if they must go into a nursing home, it is really OUR money that is being spent since they would not have any savings had we not supported them.

We have no children but are faced with HUGE school taxes (disguised as property tax) based on what kind of home we have. I fear that we will be forced to lose our home because we cannot pay the school taxes. That is the thanks we get for saving our country $500 a day MINIMUM by caring for a 90 year old with Alzheimer's and a now 93 year old who is incapacitated. With the exception of my husband, their family has done nothing to help us.

Finally, why is it the job of parents to pay the college tuition for their adult children? I am referring to the article of which this link was attached. It should be illegal to base loan eligibility on the income of relatives other than one's spouse.

[dragonmouse-2009]

I love my parents dearly and they are growing older rapidly. I have about 20-30 years left to be in the "working world". There's no way I can afford to quit my job to stay home and take care of them should they start needing round the clock care.

Everybody's going to grow older. The middle class is the biggest group. The so-called "poverty stricken" are going to have things handed to them. The "rich" have no worries but not everybody is going to have millions tucked away for retirement. I admire those people who CAN take care of their aging parents but who's going to take care of my children when I quit my job and have no money coming in to take care of ANYBODY.

It's really irritating to be spending so much money all these years for Medicare and it's just not enough. The elderly should not have to worry about this.

[newsjeff-2009]

I don't know personally myself why everyone is quick to badmouth people for having their mom or dad or grandparents,etc., in a nursing home,assisted living,or retirement center. Nursing Homes at least don't try to refuse care for their residents if they are unable to pay like hospitals do. Medicaid certified nursing homes are the only place that many poor,elderly, or disabled people have to live, at least when they are living there they are provide with food,shelter, and medical care even if they are unable to pay. Seems to me like certain groups out there like to pick apart the nursing homes the way Wal-Mart gets picked apart. If some company or business creates and provides jobs and service or product millions of people need, and the head people or leaders of the businesses or company providing a product or service makes big money and becomes rich or richer, extreme liberalists try to pick it apart. I am a registered Democrat, but not a anti-business democrat. I will not endorse or support an anti-business democrat either. Business growth and Business prosperity must always happen in order to allow growth in America. If someone wants to stop this growth, go back to the old days when a good wife and mother stayed home and took care of kids and other sick members of the family, our political leaders won't allow this however, due to a lose of income tax revenue.

[ddaryl1]

I will gladly take care of my parents when the time comes, but it will bankrupt me. I now work as much overtime as I can and barely can keep my household afloat. When I take care of my aging parent my expenses will go up considerably, and my ability to work overtime will go down dramatically.

Anyone have an answer ?

The fact is this country has waged a war on its middle and lower classes, and we are nothing more then puppets on their strings. The wealthy corporations, stock market, and maintaing wealth of the upperclasses, and catering to special interest groups has made America the ugly mess it is today.

The fact remains it has been generations of lower and middle class workers who have made this country as wealthy as it is, and that wealth that makes it to the top needs to trickle back down to us... the people who created it for those corportations etc....

Socuial Security, health care, and care of the elderly should all be guarenteed and paid for by the generations !!! of labor our ancestors created.

America is hosing its citizens and the GOP is pooping all over us !

[huskerarmy]

If the GOPers had their way, we would all work as hard as we can and serve our purpose until we are no longer able and then just die and get out of the way.

[dpp8933]

I AGREE WITH cajunlizz ITS NOT FAIR, WE WORK OUR A** OFF AND FOR WHAT???? THE GOVERNMENT WONT HELP US OUT BUT THEY WILL LET OTHER COUNTRIES "BORROW" BILLIONS OF DOLLARS, NOT THOUSANDS PEOPLE, BUT BILLIONS. AND THOSE COUNTRIES NEVER PAY IT BACK. WE ARE THE CITIZENS, WE PAY THE TAXES AND FOR WHAT? SO THEY CAN SAY NO WHEN WE NEED HELP WITH MEDICARE, MADICAID, OR NEED FOOD STAMPS? THATS JUST NOT RIGHT.

[cajunlizz]

I cared for both my Parents with Alzhimers . WAS SOLE caregiver for my Mother for 6 years . My life was on hold while I tried to GIVE back a little of what all my mother GAVEto me as a child . I caleld and asked Medicaid , Medicare , and agencies for help . NOBODY could help me , nor offer any type of assistance . THEY PAY OUT THE REAR when elderly people are admitted into Nursing Homes , ONLY to have and see your parents neglected by them . WHY CAN'T caregivers that WANT TO KEEP Parents at home and care for them AS LONG AS POSSIBLE be paid a small monthly check? Heck the US Gov. SPENDS BILLIONS of US TAX PAYERS DOLLARS on a useless war , BUT the UNITED STATES PEOPLE CAN NOT GET HELP AT ALL .... THIS IS JUST NOT RIGHT .

[suiteo1]

What comforts me is knowing that I "gave back" for all the years, expense, hardships, sacrafice and love that was given to me being raised as a child by them, NOT by "waiting upon promises"!

[jmccarthy67]

What comforts me in taking care of my elderly parents with hypertension, glaucoma, diabetes, arthritis, high colesterol is my belief in the promises made by Jehovah God in the Bible. Matthew 8:17b "He himself took our sicknesses and our diseases." And Isaih 33:24 "And no resident will say: 'I am sick'."
Those of us who believe in God's word patiently do what we have to do while waiting upon these promises.