Cashing In On Disney's Vault
Mike Wuebben's Tips For Squeezing Every Last Dime Out Of Walt's Empire
Feb. 8, 2007 | by Michael Wuebben
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Walt Disney's Story
Starting with a simple cartoon mouse, Walt Disney changed America. But not many people know Disney's true story. Hannah Storm speaks with Neal Gabler, author of "Walt Disney." | Share/Embed
Walt Disney's Story (5:25)
'Mary Poppins' Cast Performs (3:59)
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(CBS) Disney Films is giving new life — and a new direction — to a classic from the vault. The straight-to-DVD feature "Cinderella III: A Twist In Time," is in stores now. The tag line promises this devious plot twist: "What if the slipper didn't fit?"
Since the good people at Disney have again shown themselves open to repurposing their timeless classics, I would like to offer a few suggestions of my own:
"Where'd all that hair come from?"
"It's like his nose is going right through your eyeball!"
"Uncle Remus ain't singin' Dixie no mo'!"
"A black comedy about a chance encounter in the alley behind a Vietnamese restaurant."
"The jury must decide just what a woman can sleep through."
"Grumpy's dead. A confession is made. Will Snow White hang the wrong little man?"
"Simba fights poachers, child soldiers and an evil dictator to save his habitat."
The repurposing strategy doesn't have to stop at animation. Disney-owned Touchstone Pictures has dozens of hits ripe for a redux.
"Ike and Tina are back. This time Tina's calling the shots, and throwing the punches."
"The cougars of Knapely, England, embark on a global sexcapade for a good cause: Alzheimer's research."
"The true story of Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. What happens if your career peaks and no one notices?"
"When the animals whisper back, you'll scream yourself hoarse."
Thinking outside the box could provide the Walt Disney Company a much needed cash stream to stave off the natural corporate urge to create a wildly lucrative yet morally bankrupt Pixar Porn division.
Mike Wuebben has written several non-published works, including angry e-mails to former girlfriends and at least three book reports on the Judy Blume classic, "Tales of a Fourth-Grade Nothing." Prior to that, he couldn't read or write.
If you really want to talk, send Mike an e-mail. If it's urgent, buy an industrial-size spotlight with a W stencil and shine it into the night sky. Mike looks up regularly to check his messages.
©MMVII, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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