How To Talk To Your Kid's Teacher

(CBS)  When the phone rings and your child's teacher is calling, it can be tough for parents, especially if the teacher tells you that your child is misbehaving.

But there is a smart way to respond and get to the root of the problem. Kate Lawler, executive editor of "Parents" magazine shared some advise with The Early Show co-anchor Julie Chen.

What's the right way to respond when you get that phone call?

"Your first reaction is to get defensive, but you have to remember that the teacher is calling because she is concerned, not because she wants to criticize your child. So take a deep breath. Stay calm. Listen to what she has to say and take notes," Lawler recommends.

"One of the most common reasons a teacher would call a parent is to say that your child is acting out in class. As a parent, how do you take that criticism? What do you do?" Chen asks.

"Find out what she's doing. She might be getting up from her chair, yelling, making funny noises. Any way to get attention in class. This can be for a couple of reasons. One is maybe she has anxiety about something in school she's not that good at. For instance, gym class. If she's acting out right before gym class, she may feel she's not good at sports. Or a high energy kid that's not old enough to able to control herself during quiet time," Lawler says.

How should a parent deal with that?

"If it's a performance anxiety thing, offer to work with her," Lawler recommends. "If it's to kick a soccer ball better in the back yard. That can relieve anxiety. If she is high-spirited, talk to the teacher about how to help your child calm down. Maybe she can wipe the board off before circle time or do some other activity that lets her release pent-up energy."

Lawler says the dialogue should be a back-and-forth between the parent and the teacher to come up with ideas together.

Asked if a parent should be concerned about ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), Lawler says "Everyone worries about ADD. It's talked about so much. If this is a new problem, it's probably not ADD. It's only a concern with ADD if it's been a chronic, year-in, year-out complaint from teachers."

"What if the teacher says your child seems to be having trouble with their schoolwork. How do you respond as a parent to that?" Chen asks.

"Think about what's going on at home," Lawler says. "Oftentimes kids are affected by a family problem. Perhaps there is a divorce, maybe the death of a grandparent. Maybe your child isn't getting enough sleep or maybe she missed learning something in school because she was sick and can't get caught up."

How do you fix it?

"Ask the teacher for suggestions," Lawler recommends. "Do extra work with your child at home. And then see whether the teacher is willing to give your child some extra help during lunchtime."

Lawler says you should definitely tell your child that the teacher called and bring him or her into the conversation.

"What if the teacher calls and says your child seems to be very anxious in the classroom. Very stressed out," Chen asks.

"For little kids, this can manifest itself as crying regularly. Older kids may have stomach aches. Both of these are signs that something is wrong. The teacher may not know what it is so you have to do investigating at home. Your child may be intimidated by a teacher or may be teased or bullied by another child," Lawler says.

How should you react if the teacher says your kid is a bully?

"This is a hard thing to hear for all parents. But you need to take this very seriously. You need to talk to your child about what caused her to act so badly. Certainly make her apologize to the other student who she was picking on. And you should also talk about peer pressure because often, you know, kids bully each other because somebody else dares them to go push a kid on the playground. So you need to speak with her about the dangers of peer pressure," Lawler says.