Emerging From A Nightmare

CBS News' Kimberly Dozier Reflects 6 Months After Surviving A Deadly Attack In Iraq

(CBS)  By CBS News Correspondent Kimberly Dozier

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Six months and counting, from Memorial Day 2006 — a day that is for most people, a distant memory of a horrible headline: A CBS camera crew killed, together with yet another American soldier, and his Iraqi translator, by yet another car bomb in Baghdad. Six more soldiers were badly injured, along with one CBS correspondent — who happened to be a woman.

These months later, I know the pain must be as sharp and devastating as it was that day for the families of cameraman Paul Douglas, soundman James Brolan, 4th Infantry Division Capt. James Funkhouser and his Iraqi translator — all lost in an instant, killed by an act of evil.

In the mornings when I wake and fight to work off the stiffness in my legs to stand, I remember it all too clearly. And then, thank God that I am here to remember it, and wish again my friends were here too.

Since then, with every report of a car bomb, or a roadside bomb, I hear the anchor say the line so often repeated, it has almost lost meaning: "X number killed, and Y (always higher than X) injured."

A short headline, and on to the next story. But I now know from painful, personal experience that instant of injury will lead to a months-long, nightmarish journey. That is, if the victims are lucky — if they have the care of the U.S. military.

The U.S. military treated me as one of its own, saving my life a few times over, with the best people, the best training and the best equipment. I was blessed time and again on my particular journey, with daily encounters with extraordinary people who helped put my body, and in some instances, my spirit, back together again.

But the U.S.-led coalition cannot scoop up every bomb victim, and whisk them across the globe like they did me.

I watch the near-daily video of Iraqi bombing victims, and study them as their crying family members drag them from the scene, or cradle them on a hospital floor, begging for a doctor. I see where the shrapnel ripped into their bodies, and think to myself: "Dear God. Those wounds are like mine. In an Iraqi hospital…they won't survive the night."

But the wounded can't all go to American hospitals — that system is running at full capacity, and many of the doctors, nurses and corpsmen I met are battling exhaustion, burnout, and just plain heartache to keep going. Not to mention, for those in Iraq, battling the threat of mortar and rocketfire or roadside attacks.

Those men and women worked the same kind of miracles on me that they do daily for thousands of injured servicemen: they repaired two shrapnel-shattered legs; moved skin around my body like a jigsaw puzzle, to cover burns the bomb left behind; and taught me to walk again, all the while, propping up my spirits in between.

I've spent the last few months doing physiotherapy while spending time with family in New Zealand, a country where Iraq is seldom mentioned. A blessing at a time I wasn't ready to dwell on it.

My shrapnel-shattered legs have made great progress, the doctors say. They use words like "phenomenal."

But here I am, still kicking myself — I'd mentally planned to be further along than this.

I spend 6-8 hours a week in the gym or at home with weights and a yoga mat, mostly doing things like trying to get my knees to bend. But my intention was to spend 10-15 hours a week working out.

My body did not agree. Three hours in the gym would finish me for the day… And the next day, I'd crawl out of bed with legs swollen from the effort.

In among all of that, I've been trying to track down the soldiers who were there that day more than six months ago, and touch base with just some of the hundreds of people who literally got me back onto my feet.

And I've been remembering my friends I lost that day. Cameraman Paul (if I dared call him "my cameraman" he'd always say, "I'm not your cameraman, I'm 'a' cameraman," so I'm still careful with that…) Anyway, Paul liked to work Christmas, then take his family on a wonderful holiday afterward — so he and I spent quite a few Christmases working together in Baghdad, and Bethlehem. He always brought silly gifts for all of us — usually brightly colored socks — and he'd cook us Christmas dinner.

When James was in town (soundman James, not "my soundman"), he'd sit at the kitchen table acting as sous chef to Paul's head chef-status, chopping a mountain of potatoes and carrots or whatever our Iraqi staff managed to find in local markets.

Over the resulting home-cooked meal, all of us pausing around a table to toast Chef Paul, James used to intone, mock-solemnly, that Paul's cooking was "the only reason he came to Baghdad." We'd all agree. The cook would beam his famous smile…and dish out seconds.

I miss them, and I wish their families some comfort, somehow.

As I look back to remember them, I'm also trying to forward to 2007. The thing I intend to salvage out of this nightmare: The story of those who helped me, through their work, or their letters, or just their prayers, to pull through. Many of them continue to fight on, for every injured body and soul that crosses their path.

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A Web site, www.paulandjames.co.uk, has been created in tribute to Paul Douglas and James Brolan. In addition, those wishing to make contributions to their families may send them to the following address. Please make checks payable to "Trust for the Family of Paul Douglas" and “Trust for the Family of James Brolan."

CBS News
Attention: Andy Clarke, Deputy Bureau Chief CBS News London
1st Floor, Building 10
Chiswick Park
566 Chiswick High Road
LONDON W4 5XS

[jenkoosh]

"A man giving his life defending his nation against the amerikan invaders" -- I would laugh at your naivete if this situation weren't so tragic. My friend, you are very deluded if you believe these Iraqi terrorists are anything more than brainwashed young boys who have been misled by power-hungry warlords. If you believe these sectarian leaders are such a righteous bunch, I challenge you to take your family, go to Iraq and live under them, and among their violent foot soldiers. I'm betting you wouldn't admire them so greatly if they blew up your wife, child or mother. And they wouldn't hesitate to do it, even if you were on their side.

Not that I support the war, mind you. I think it was an idiotic decision. I think we should bring our troops home. But Saddam Hussein was keeping a tight lid on a container full of vipers, not innocent little lambs. I just feel sorry for the majority of Iraq, the millions of people who have to suffer under these petty tyrants who justify themselves in the name of religion. In a way, they're of the same ilk as George Bush. I think the whole lot of them should be hanged, Bush included.

[MustacheMan]

Hello Ms Dozier. I'm so glad to hear that your recovery is progressing. I'm sorry for the loss of your colleagues.

I'm anxious to see you again on the airwaves. My prayers are with you. Merry Christmas.

[maxgottesman]

It's a shame what happened to Ms. Dozier and her crew. The whole war effort in Iraq is also a shame...or should I say, shameful. How Bush sleeps at night is beyond me. I look forward to this great country of ours once again becoming a great democracy, rather than the dictatorship we have now. Yes, we all get to vote. But an ignorant voter is the most dangerous sort. Ignorance breeds dictators.
Be well, Ms. Dozier. Hope to see you back on the airwaves soon....

[robert_b_p]

I think its a shame for anyone who does not believe in the war to voice negative remarks against those who do the day to day mission of carring out the orders of the commander and chief. if you have a problem, voice it at Busch but not at people who serve there country or report the facts of things happening to the american people like news field Reporters.

from a Desert Storm Veteran.

[youwish9]

And it's people like YOU kernlkadaffy, who are always the first to cry for help from the US. Perhaps one day we will elect a president who will tell you all to shove it.

[j_flood]

Why do so many think that a story on this site is cause for criticism? Too many choose to rant and carry on like this is a political story. Cop on to yourselves and focus on the article. The woman is merely recounting her experience and the sadness for the deaths of her colleagues. I wish her and the affected families the best. Thank you for sharing your thoughts Kimberly.

[videogrape]

I'm a videographer/editor in Baltimore, Md. and writing this at 3am, I just couldn't sleep. Your missive is so moving. So please forgive the syntax.

I remember first hearing of this last Memorial Day and my heart prayed that everyone would be alright. Then as updates came in over our net feeds, the reality sunk in.

What a wonderful tribute you have shared. The men you worked with were lucky to have someone like you to crew with. Your memories of those that took care of you are inspiring.

I can't compare the streets of an urban city like Baltimore with those of Iraq, but I'm also a Vietnam Veteran, and I sure remember the Hell of those days. I wish all reporters had your compassion and understanding. My son is currently a medic with the 28th CSH (the hospital where HBO shot the documentary Baghdad ER) in Iraq, and will be comming home on leave on the first of the year. You can imagine our eagerness for his return, even though its temporary.

I am saving this blog to show him when he gets here. I know he'll appreciate it, and will take it back with him to Iraq, to show his mates.

Please get well soon, so we can see you back on the air! Even if you are with a different network than my affiliate :)

[kellyslove]

I feel for all in this world who have suffered in times of war or peace. There is a saying when mother-inlaws can get along with thier daughter-inlaws there can be hope for peace. I am thankful for a country that can talk about any thing and still be alive to read it the next day. Words can't express or show the proper greif for the loss of such life loving souls. May the new year bring you some renewed spirit and know there are people who pray and work for peace. We can not awnser all the questions but thank God we can ask them. Love and best dreams to all. A military wife and proud of it.

[garyws1]

this might sound strange...and i'm not trying to be...but i remember watching her news reports from Iraq and feeling that she was going to come to harm at some point...i'm glad that she is getting better...

[clintbradford--2008]

Neither CBS nor Dozier are "trolling" for money for the crew's families. If you actually go to the cited site, you will discover that the "donations" page suggests the victims' favorite charities for your contributions.