Shy Beyond Words

A Look At One Family's Efforts To Help Their Daughter Beat Social Anxiety

(CBS)  To see Emily Chapline at home with her family, you'd think she'd be a social butterfly.

"She always had separation anxiety … but she always functioned and she always talked," her mother, Jana Chapline, tells The Early Show co-anchor Rene Syler.

At school, Emily, a fourth-grader, loves learning and playing with her classmates, but there's one thing that sets her apart from the other kids — Emily doesn't speak at school.

"It's amazing to me that she is able to — to function as well as she is and thrive like she does, and not be able to speak," says Emily's father, Kent Chapline.

And it's not just at school. Emily doesn't speak to anyone other than her family and a few close friends because she suffers from a social anxiety disorder called "selective mutism."

To keep Emily in a regular class, her parents have worked with her school to devise a system to help their daughter cope.

She does taped book reports. She uses a special notebook her mom made with questions for her teacher. And the only other way Emily communicates in class is through her best friend, Asha, who she's known since kindergarten.

"If Emily needs to let me know something, then she just quietly moves over there and whispers it in her ear," says Emily's teacher, Hope Hedrick "And then the other student will come let me know that Emily needs."

Emily was just weeks into pre-school, only 4-years-old, when she stopped talking.

"She would just lay on the floor and scream and cry and, and wasn't able to talk," Jana Chapline says.

And yet, at home, Emily was chatting all the time.

A child psychologist told Emily's parents that their sweet-tempered child had become a willful, stubborn brat. The Chaplines weren't so sure.

"We didn't understand what, what we were up against, what we were dealing with, what she was dealing with," Kent Chapline says.

The Chaplines pulled Emily out of school and opted to teach her at home. But even as Emily remained silent in crowds, she craved the camaraderie of other children. So Jana searched for a new school — and finally found one.

"There were two teachers and they were just very loving and warm and accepting with her. And she immediately thrived in that environment," Jana Chapline says. "She still was not able to speak, but she was comfortable."

With this success, the Chaplines enrolled Emily in kindergarten. A psychologist there first suggested that Emily might suffer from selective mutism.

"It's a physical reaction to the anxiety and stress and this is what happens with their voices," Jana Chapline says. "It's like stage fright in a way … and the whole world's a stage."

"This would be at the extreme end of the spectrum of timidity or shyness, and the difference there would be that this interrupts functioning in every day," says Dr. Mimi Wright, who has been working with Emily.

Wright explains that Emily's fear of speaking in public — like in a school setting — is overwhelming.

"We've worked on self-esteem issues," Wright says. "And we've helped Emily to recognize her strengths."

According to Wright, Emily is not alone. Seven in 1,000 children suffer from this debilitating disorder — more than autism.

After four years of regular therapy and a lot of hard work, Emily is doing well.

"Her confidence is through the roof now," Jana Chapline says. "There was a time when she had absolutely no self-confidence, no self-esteem and the improvements have been so great in so many areas."

To see Emily today, she looks and plays like all the other kids, but she still struggles.

"She really is a happy child," Kent Chapline says. "But ultimately, I just want her to be happy throughout her life."

"My hope for her is that she finds something that is fulfilling for her to do long term that she finds joy in also, that allows the whole world to see Emily for who she is," Jana Chapline says. "She's — she's an amazing kid."

[kjchap]

My family is the one featured in this segment. We are eternally grateful to everyone involved in getting this story on the air. When Emily was diagnosed, there was little information available about SM. One of the biggest challenges was finding others who truly understood the impact Emily's struggles had on every day life- there are meltdowns, panic attacks, depression and other co-existing conditions to deal with on a daily basis. The info and support we found through SMG (see links) has been invaluable. For anyone who needs help finding treatment or to connect with other parents, the forums are a great resource.
While there have been many difficult days searching for answers, we would not trade our experiences for anything. Both our children have anxiety yet we never would have recognized it in our son were it not for our experiences with Emily. We've learned to value the many strengths in both our children, to treasure the smallest triumphs and recognize the importance of trusting our instincts when it comes their needs. As a fairly out-going person , learning to "feel" the world through Emily's eyes has given me a perspective on life I would not have otherwise.
For all of you still looking for answers, there is hope. There's no such thing as a quick fix for SM, and treatment options vary. Today there is much more awareness among professionals and schools. That%u2019s a huge step towards recovery for SM kids everywhere.
Thanks for all the wonderful comments! Jana C.

[va2007]

I'm a 44-year old woman who has suffered with a milder form of 'selective mutism' for as long as I can remember. My speech shuts down when I'm in a group of people I don't know too well. I communicate fine one-on-one. But even with family and friends, I lose my voice when I'm in a group of more than two people. I am intelligent and have a lot of interesting and witty thoughts to share, so having to deal with this problem all my life has been frustrating and extremely demoralizing at times. Now that I have found a term for the condition, I will seek out a therapist for help. Thank you for the article!

[amedr]

I still have my report card from One A it lacks a grade for Reading. Back in 1945 when I went on to One B (Back then and until 1957 you progressed in school in two semester yearly intervels in my City)that teacher decided I was not able to read and, therefore, I was left back. But I was able to read to my Mother who had helped me with all my homework. It did take a few years before I was able to volunteer to read a passage rather than dread being called on to read or even give an answer to a question that the teacher asked. I did learn to speak at an early age and as Emily does I did to my immediate family and neighborhood friends. I guess it took me until I was in my early 20's before I was able to really risk taking chances in Collage Classes and as an employee. I believe I finally came into my own when I found the right profession and an employer who trusted my judgement. I will say that my mother had alway considered me her "Quiet Child" until I found my "voice" at that company. From then on, Mom, said sometimes she wished her "quiet child" would return. She contended I now talked too much. I guess I still have some anxiety about speaking out, at times, but since I turned 50 I've felt my opinion is as good and sometimes even better that others, so I have not held back any longer. Oh another item I have two first cousins (on my Father's side) also female who have had this "selective mutism" to some degree.

[cavazos4]

Thank you for making America aware of this disorder. My 10 year old son has recently been diagnosed with SM, even though we, as parents hope that it is something he can outgrow, I now know that he can get help to cope with his anxiety. I just don't want to have regrets later in life that I didn't help him. We also slowly have been aware of something wrong with him since he started school in kindergarten and thought it may be a social thing but encountered a wonderful counselor at school that recognized his great ability to non-verbally communicate with others, wether it be children or adults. He still has alot to work on but we can see an improvement year by year. There is hope and help out there. Thanks to the Chapline family for coming forward and letting everyone see "our" story. God Bless!

[drstevekurtz]

As a psychologist specializing in selective mutism, I applaud your station's efforts to bring accurate information to the viewing public. Our Center, the NYU Child Study Center, and others are working hard to develop evidence-based assessments and treatments to help these youngsters and their families. In the meantime, parents should be good consumers and make sure their providers are specifically trained in contemporary behavior therapies to treat this problem, whether they have medicine as an adjunctive therapy or not.
www.aboutourkids.org is one source for such information.

[evalina1]

My daughter stopped talking at the end of kindergarten year. At first I thought it was just a game that she was playing until she stopped speaking to me. She started whispering in my ear a month later. I had no idea what was going on. I spoke to my pediatrician about it. He laughing told me not to worry she won't stop talking forever. I took my daughter to a child psychologist after two months I realized that she had no clue of what was going on. I went to the library to look up information on what this could be when the term "selective mutism came up. I contacted an organization which dealt with children with special needs. I found that this was for children with physical and mental disabilities . They put me on the tract of speech therapy. I contacted the speech dept. at Brooklyn College only to be told that they could not help me. I then looked into LIU downtown campus. They have a wonderful speech and language clinic. I also looked into a behavior & cognative therapist who working along with the speech therapy did the trick. I absolutley would never do medication. My daughter did not speak in school for the entire 1st grade and for 2/3 of the 2nd grade. When June came and it was time for authors day and my daughter read the book that she wrote I sat back and cried from sheer happiness. It takes time and dedication we were in therapy 3 days a week. We brought in friends and family into the sessions. It all paid off. She in now in 5th grade and talking!

[kathyfm2]

Thank you for airing the segment on selective mutism. My daughter Julia suffered from this. We knew as early as 2 years old that something was not right. She talked at home but never to others. We thought it was just extreme shyness, but eventually we realized it was more. When she was about 4 she started seeing a psychologist who spent 6 months of play therapy slowing gaining Julia's confidence. Julia finally started speaking to her. But for the next four years, she spoke to only a few close friends and her family. In fact, I took her out of public kindergarten because the teacher became frustrated with her not speaking and yelled at her. Julia cried and begged me not to leave her at school. So we home schooled that year. Then for first grade I worked at a school so I could be near her. She would read to me at home and I would tape record it so that the teacher knew she could read. In second grade she was started on Prozac and within two weeks, she was speaking and even introduced her class at a choral concert! She is still kind of shy, especially around adults she doesn't know, but has come very far. She has also had to deal with a lot of other issues: diabetes from age 2, Tourette syndrome diagnosed at 5, low thyroid from age 5, and celiac disease diagnosed at age 9. She is now a senior in high school and doing well. To all you parents with young children, don't give up. And be strong when others call your child spoiled, etc. We also went through that.

[cmiller45]

Thank you so much for the airing this story. My daughter showed signs of SM at the age of 3 as soon as she entered preschool. They say that it is triggered by a social situation like school. She started out as not talking to anyone in school, ie, other classmates as well as adults. She is now 6 and in the first grade. She will talk to children of just about any age but will not speak to adults...only a few close relatives. She is not stubborn, she is bright, and enjoys school very much. It was a struggle but her school is now willing to "adapt" to her and she has wonderful teachers to say the least. I wish it would disappear as fast as it came, but I can see it will take time as she just "freezes" when an adult tries to talk or keep a conversation with her. I like to hear the positive stories others have written in....Many say she will outgrow this anxiety as she gets older...I have seen progress so far, I hope I will be able to share my daughter's positive progress with others some day to let them know that things will be alright. Until that day comes, I will not give up trying to make her feel as comfortable as can be in a social situation.

[mngl2]

Petesis:

Clearly, you have no understanding of Selective Mutism. It is not %u201Ccompensating behavior.%u201D It%u2019s part of the lengthy process of making the child increasingly more comfortable with communication and with her environment. By introducing new forms of communication, the goal is to eventually move to direct communication. Hopefully, your profession does not involve interaction with children. If it does, I certainly hope you will take the time to educate yourself about SM. Ignorance of SM as a real disorder and not just shyness or defiance is one of the major hurdles parents face. If not for my wife tenaciously digging for more information, who knows how much longer it would have taken to get a diagnosis. Thank you to CBS for airing this piece and giving SM the exposure it needs. As I watched it, everything I saw reminded me of our son. The look of terror on her face during the school program is exactly what we saw in our son during similar situations. Clearly, this is not stubbornness or defiance as some medical professionals think. I can%u2019t imagine a child intentionally wanting to be as unhappy as our son has been at times. He has come a long way in the past three years though and we are very proud of him.

[brendalucas]

I have a 12 year old daughter that still
wakes in the middle of the nite yelling mom
and I have to say is mommey is here go back to
sleep. She has slept with me for 11 years until
I put her on a anti depression medication. She
was a premiee born at 24 weeks weight 2 1/2 pound and at 6 months weight only 4 1/2lbs. The
doctors blame it on her early birth, stating she never received the bonding in the wound. Thanks
for the publishcation on cbs.