Shy Beyond Words
A Look At One Family's Efforts To Help Their Daughter Beat Social Anxiety
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Play CBS Video Video Battling Selective Mutism Rene Syler tells the story of a little girl who has a social anxiety disorder known as selective mutism. Emily speaks at home but doesn't utter a word in most other social situations.
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Emily Chapline (CBS/EARLY SHOW)
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"She always had separation anxiety … but she always functioned and she always talked," her mother, Jana Chapline, tells The Early Show co-anchor Rene Syler.
At school, Emily, a fourth-grader, loves learning and playing with her classmates, but there's one thing that sets her apart from the other kids — Emily doesn't speak at school.
"It's amazing to me that she is able to — to function as well as she is and thrive like she does, and not be able to speak," says Emily's father, Kent Chapline.
And it's not just at school. Emily doesn't speak to anyone other than her family and a few close friends because she suffers from a social anxiety disorder called "selective mutism."
To keep Emily in a regular class, her parents have worked with her school to devise a system to help their daughter cope.
She does taped book reports. She uses a special notebook her mom made with questions for her teacher. And the only other way Emily communicates in class is through her best friend, Asha, who she's known since kindergarten.
"If Emily needs to let me know something, then she just quietly moves over there and whispers it in her ear," says Emily's teacher, Hope Hedrick "And then the other student will come let me know that Emily needs."
Emily was just weeks into pre-school, only 4-years-old, when she stopped talking.
"She would just lay on the floor and scream and cry and, and wasn't able to talk," Jana Chapline says.
And yet, at home, Emily was chatting all the time.
A child psychologist told Emily's parents that their sweet-tempered child had become a willful, stubborn brat. The Chaplines weren't so sure.
"We didn't understand what, what we were up against, what we were dealing with, what she was dealing with," Kent Chapline says.
The Chaplines pulled Emily out of school and opted to teach her at home. But even as Emily remained silent in crowds, she craved the camaraderie of other children. So Jana searched for a new school — and finally found one.
"There were two teachers and they were just very loving and warm and accepting with her. And she immediately thrived in that environment," Jana Chapline says. "She still was not able to speak, but she was comfortable."
With this success, the Chaplines enrolled Emily in kindergarten. A psychologist there first suggested that Emily might suffer from selective mutism.
"It's a physical reaction to the anxiety and stress and this is what happens with their voices," Jana Chapline says. "It's like stage fright in a way … and the whole world's a stage."
"This would be at the extreme end of the spectrum of timidity or shyness, and the difference there would be that this interrupts functioning in every day," says Dr. Mimi Wright, who has been working with Emily.
Wright explains that Emily's fear of speaking in public — like in a school setting — is overwhelming.
"We've worked on self-esteem issues," Wright says. "And we've helped Emily to recognize her strengths."
According to Wright, Emily is not alone. Seven in 1,000 children suffer from this debilitating disorder — more than autism.
After four years of regular therapy and a lot of hard work, Emily is doing well.
"Her confidence is through the roof now," Jana Chapline says. "There was a time when she had absolutely no self-confidence, no self-esteem and the improvements have been so great in so many areas."
To see Emily today, she looks and plays like all the other kids, but she still struggles.
"She really is a happy child," Kent Chapline says. "But ultimately, I just want her to be happy throughout her life."
"My hope for her is that she finds something that is fulfilling for her to do long term that she finds joy in also, that allows the whole world to see Emily for who she is," Jana Chapline says. "She's — she's an amazing kid."
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While there have been many difficult days searching for answers, we would not trade our experiences for anything. Both our children have anxiety yet we never would have recognized it in our son were it not for our experiences with Emily. We've learned to value the many strengths in both our children, to treasure the smallest triumphs and recognize the importance of trusting our instincts when it comes their needs. As a fairly out-going person , learning to "feel" the world through Emily's eyes has given me a perspective on life I would not have otherwise.
For all of you still looking for answers, there is hope. There's no such thing as a quick fix for SM, and treatment options vary. Today there is much more awareness among professionals and schools. That%u2019s a huge step towards recovery for SM kids everywhere.
Thanks for all the wonderful comments! Jana C.
www.aboutourkids.org is one source for such information.
Clearly, you have no understanding of Selective Mutism. It is not %u201Ccompensating behavior.%u201D It%u2019s part of the lengthy process of making the child increasingly more comfortable with communication and with her environment. By introducing new forms of communication, the goal is to eventually move to direct communication. Hopefully, your profession does not involve interaction with children. If it does, I certainly hope you will take the time to educate yourself about SM. Ignorance of SM as a real disorder and not just shyness or defiance is one of the major hurdles parents face. If not for my wife tenaciously digging for more information, who knows how much longer it would have taken to get a diagnosis. Thank you to CBS for airing this piece and giving SM the exposure it needs. As I watched it, everything I saw reminded me of our son. The look of terror on her face during the school program is exactly what we saw in our son during similar situations. Clearly, this is not stubbornness or defiance as some medical professionals think. I can%u2019t imagine a child intentionally wanting to be as unhappy as our son has been at times. He has come a long way in the past three years though and we are very proud of him.
wakes in the middle of the nite yelling mom
and I have to say is mommey is here go back to
sleep. She has slept with me for 11 years until
I put her on a anti depression medication. She
was a premiee born at 24 weeks weight 2 1/2 pound and at 6 months weight only 4 1/2lbs. The
doctors blame it on her early birth, stating she never received the bonding in the wound. Thanks
for the publishcation on cbs.
- by November 16, 2006 1:52 PM EST
- Thank you for bringing this disorder to public attention. My daughter suffers from Selective Mutism and it is a battle with those who dismiss her. She is a bright and passionate child and it shocks many who know her to see her "shut down" in public. Vice versa, it shocks those to see her do a report on a video camera and actually hear her voice and see her vibrant personality.
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