Expert Blames Parents For Bratty Kids

(CBS)  For the second part of The Early Show series, "The Bratty Bunch," consumer correspondent Susan Koeppen wanted to see how people react to unruly children. She used hidden cameras to record child actors who behaved like brats and annoyed the people around them.

The social experiment began on a New York City bus when a boy kicked the seat of the lady sitting in front of him. The pretend mother ignored his behavior. Immediately, the woman asks him to stop. When he doesn't, she gets up and moves.

"I was thinking I was very glad I wasn't on an airplane and this was only going to be lasting about 20 minutes or so," she told Koeppen.

Another woman looked ready to explode but changed her seat instead of losing her temper. Another passenger scolded the boy.

"How many times do I have to ask you to stop kicking me?" she asked him.

When that didn't work, she simply glared at him.

"I was really disappointed at the parent not helping to discipline the kid," she said.

In her book, "Raising Respectful Children In a Disrespectful World," Jill Rigby says too many parents are tolerating bad behavior and they're creating a generation of "aristobrats."

"We are seeing children today who think they are the king or queen of their home, and their parents are to live in subservience to them," she said.

Koeppen brought a pretend mother and daughter to a New York City park. The mother zoned out while the little girl ran all over the park, screaming.

A woman asks her to stop, but the actress said: "My mommy says it's OK," the girl responded.

"Oh, I am scared to death that my son will end up like one himself," the woman told Koeppen.

Another mother is also annoyed by the girl. She doesn't say anything, but when the girl starts kicking sand, the woman leaves. She says she wanted to set a good example for her son.

"Yeah, I didn't want to get into a confrontation over it with the mother or the child," she said.

Rigby says she did the right thing.

"Put the welfare of the child first," she said. "If I stood up and said, 'Would you do something about your brat?' is the parent going to do anything? No."

But possibly the most annoying scenario is a child acting out in a restaurant. The actress yells loudly about wanting her food and clangs her silverware against her glass.

One couple says something to the family and complains to the waitress. Another woman actually leaves her own meal to confront our little noise maker.

"You'd probably make a very good musician," she tells the girl.

"I told the mother, and the mother didn't look at me, so I thought this is a mother who can't control her children," she told Koeppen.

Rigby said that she thinks most parents allow their children to misbehave simply because they do not know how to discipline them.

"I truly believe that parents don't mean to allow their kids to be disrespectful and disruptive, but they really don't have the skills or know-how themselves," she said.

[skinsnuts1]

Oh, my god. This was the most simplistic piece of journalism I have seen in some time. I hope someone from CBS News actually monitors these boards. How can you do such a piece without at least bringing in the concept that some kids suffer from the vast spectrum of emotional disability.

I have two boys, now 14 and 11. My older one would be considered the "perfect kid." He is unbelievely well behaved in pubilc, respectful, a Catholic school kid, and so on. My younger one has an emotional disability; he has been diagnosed as bipolar, ADHD, and so on. He has been going to shrinks and been on medication since he was three. He went through periods when he would act terribly in public, have fits, use profane language, etc. He is much better know because of behavior modification, therapy, drugs, etc. So are we good parents or bad parents?

My points here folks is please don't be quick to judge kids and parents. I admit, I used to be quite judgementtal when I had the "perfect kid" and before my younger one started experiencing problems. I can't tell you how much it hurt me and my wife when a parent on a very rare occasion would say someting along the lines of, "this is the most disrespectful kid" etc.

As parents, lets learn to look a little deeper. That's more than I can see for the folks at CBS News. Still hard to believe that was piece on network news. Yikes.

[nonamelady222]

what does a child repeatedly kicking another adult's seat after being told to stop and a girl kicking sand and screaming around a park because "her mommy says it's okay" have to do with an emotional disability? pretty sure terms like "emotional disability" are already over diagnosed and overused cop outs being used to earn doctors/pharmacies more money and so parents don't have to be held responsible for their badly behaved spoiled kids anyway.

[susanajackso]

Why don't strangers in public confront unruly children? Because they may well be sued for verbal assault, even if they do not use abusive language toward the children. Message: the goverment makes the best protector, the best parent.

Parents and adults are NOT intimidated by children; they are intimidated by government intervention. One report from a brooding child to the school social worker (yes, children are coached to report, yet don't have the maturity to assess the merit of a report, or guess what the consequences might be), and bye-bye happy household.

Please do not overestimate the ethics of a CPS social worker. CPS is a money business, and the children are cash-cows, but only if they are REMOVED from the home. Ka-ching! A round a kickbacks for all!

I don't fear children; I feel SORRY for them. Sorry that they are used to raise funds for schools (and CPS), sorry they are used as family cops, sorry that they are given more choices than they can reasonably handle.

[susanajackso]

perm3800 wrote:

"Mrs. Jackson, I take it that yours are among the brats of which we complain."

Nope. I am often complimented as to how well-behaved and mature my children are.

perm3800 wrote:
"If your child can hold the threat of public humiliation over your head, you don't understand the difference between teaching self-discipline and blowing up when you can't take it anymore."

Thank you for your opinion.

perm3800 wrote:
"I agree that it isn't the school's job to raise your child. It is the school's job to teach language, math, science, civics, phys ed and other academics. Teaching social grace and moral values are the job of the parent."

We agree!!

perm3800 wrote:
"It is because parents ceded authority to the schools over those issues that they are covered in school today. If parents took back the control and raised appropriately socialized and valued children, the schools could get back to the core curriculum."

It's the other way around.

[perm3800]

Marc - all those 'weather' items you mention have OFF switches. Turn the TV off. Limit video games. Bring a selection of appropriate clothing home and return those items the child truly hates. Family time pretty much drug- and pedophile-proofs a child: children who learn from the cradle what is valuable (themselves and their parents' respect) will not willingly pollute it.

Pedophiles don't 'snatch' children off the street, they 'seduce' lonely, unrespected children. The 'cure' for social ills among children is a strong family with parents who respect each other and their children, who value self-discipline and are living examples of it.

Good parents set limits. Good parents have high expectations of compliance (children live DOWN to your expectations.) Good parents are engaged in their children from the first moment. Good parents recognize that their child is learning every second from before it breathes its first gasp. Good parents let no opportunity for encouragement pass unused and no uncorrected error go unremarked. Good parents are partners with their children in a lifelong adventure of learning.

[perm3800]

Mrs. Jackson, I take it that yours are among the brats of which we complain. If your child can hold the threat of public humiliation over your head, you don't understand the difference between teaching self-discipline and blowing up when you can't take it anymore.

I agree that it isn't the school's job to raise your child. It is the school's job to teach language, math, science, civics, phys ed and other academics. Teaching social grace and moral values are the job of the parent. If you haven't the time to do, you shouldn't breed.

It is because parents ceded authority to the schools over those issues that they are covered in school today. If parents took back the control and raised appropriately socialized and valued children, the schools could get back to the core curriculum.

America: stop scheduling your children's time to the minute and start scheduling family dinner, game night, family chores on Saturday afternoons, family community work at an area park or shelter or humane society or elder-care facility. Don't time your kids, spend time with your kids.

[perm3800]

I have no problem correcting other people's children when they won't do it themselves. I get so tired of seeing preschoolers playing jungle gym in shopping carts or wandering about unattended.

The worst for me are the stroller kids: preschoolers old enough to walk but being pushed (and there is an obesity epidemic among children? I wonder why!) Most have these petulant, 'I am Queen/ King' looks on their faces.

Second worst are all the squalling babies whose mothers blithely walk on chatting with friends while the child's cries peel the dry wall sealant. There is a little brain in that tot that can be addressed. It isn't just a breathing toy to play with when you are in the mood and ignore when you are not.

[ukpeaches1]

susanajackso, schools aren't broadcasting anti-family messages. They're having to serve as both educators and parents, because parents refuse to discipline their kids. I enjoyed this article and I'm pleased to see someone finally saying that parents need to take responsibility for their own kids, instead of blaming everybody else. What a concept!!

[raleighld]

It is my experience, as a parent of 2, that people have become selfish, and lazy. Parenting is a 24/7 job, not when you want, or when it's convenient. Many parents today don't want to make the time investment, thus, inconsistency has created children who push and push because in the end, mom and dad will give in instead of fight them. I have no problems glaring at a misbehaving child, or parent, in public. They're in public. I don't go shopping to experience a free-for-all daycare setting, sans supervision. I don't go out to dinner to hear and see children acting as if still on the playground. The parent has left home and unleashed their child on the public. Screaming, running, handling things they shouldn't. RESPECT and BOUNDARIES. No means No. The first time, and the tenth time. And NEVER reward bad behavior. What is it about pitching a fit at the store only to get candy at the checkout??? If they aren't taught these things at home, and taught to respect their parents at that, then whom will teach them. Teachers in school do have to spend time teaching basic social and behavior skills, in an attempt to have respect and cohesiveness amongst the students. This article is dead on - "Aristobrats." What fun they will be in society in the future as they continue to be "taught" at home that the world revolves around them, only to find that once outside of their playpen confines, away from their lazy parents, that it doesn't.

[sharncedar]

i noticed in France people were very nice to children, and the children behaved better - it seems the whole community takes an interest in all children, it seems healthier. Kids belong to all of us, think of it this way, these are the kids that will pay your social security so be nice to them, eh. let them act up a little, what does it really hurt, a little noise, a little chaos, that's kids for you, love them

[friendsmom63]

i just spoke to a friend whose husband likes to tell a story from his childhood.
he was at wal-mart with his mother, and as often happens, ended up continuously running into another mom and son in various aisles. the boy was rowdy, grabbing things from shelves, demanding toys, ice cream, etc. and his mother only kept saying in the same tone, "knock it off, rodney."
eventually they met again in the checkout, and as rodney continued to be a pain and his mother repeated her "parenting" line, my friends' husband turned around in his cart seat and said loudly, "god dammit, rodney! knock it off!"
and rodney did!