Al Qaeda In Iraq's Campaign Meeting

Humor: Abu Hamza al-Muhajir Rallies The Troops Before Election Day

(CBS)  Political humor by CBSNews.com's Mike Wuebben.

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Thank you, righteous soldiers, for coming. I hate to start off our last meeting on a downer, but I was watching Fox News the other day and I saw Dick Cheney talking about our efforts to use violence to sway the U.S. election. If I find out that anyone tipped him off to our plans, heads are going to roll. Literally.

Moving on, I'm sure you've seen John Kerry is once again trying to blow this thing for us. Frankly, we never should've endorsed him in 2004 — he was Zarqawi's guy. I would have gone with the screamer, but as they say, "hindsight's 50/50." What's that? Yes, I know it's supposed to be "20/20." I was being ironic. Just because we're in a religious-ideological struggle to take over the world doesn't mean we can't have a sense of humor.

We need to churn out some Kerry damage control, pronto. Our exit polls tell us it's not as bad as it looks. I'm thinking a couple IEDs should do the trick. If it comes back for another news cycle, we can consider lobbing some shells into the Green Zone or a mosque bombing.

My operatives on the ground tell me we, I mean the Democrats (let's not forget, they're infidels, too), will take the House. But you can count on Karl Rove to play his trump card late, so let's be vigilant. We're getting safer, but we're not yet safe.

In the Senate we have problems. Zogby and common sense tell me Harold Ford is in trouble in Tennessee. The good news is Arizona may be coming into play. Who do we have working on sabotaging the Kyl campaign? Nobody? Are you kidding me!? Come on guys, we need to step it up. How do you expect to foment an entire civil war if you can't even manipulate a few congressional races? Hey, you in the front row with the beard. Not you, the guy next to you. You're now the point person for the Arizona Senate race. If you do this right, I'll bump you to No. 1 on the martyr list, so don't screw it up.

If the GOP starts to gain ground in the House, then we go to our final option. I hold in my hand a copy of a salacious and, might I add, very poetic e-mail exchange between our supreme leader and Miss Jenna Bush. What's that? No, it's not real. Do you really think Osama has an AOL account?

Funny story, Zawahiri was telling me he was cracking up watching Osama dot all the 'i's with little hearts. I was sworn to secrecy, so that little anecdote doesn't leave this room. I'd like to keep my internal organs on the inside of my body, thank you very much.

To wrap things up, I know everyone is tired — but you can rest Wednesday morning after, Allah willing, we send victory fruit baskets to Nancy Pelosi and Teddy Kennedy. If we can pull this off, we may just be able to bring the well-oiled machine of governance in Washington to a grinding halt. Remember, we need to attack them over there so we don't have to fight them here in our adopted home. And by the way, there are coffee and pastries in the back. Please, just one per warrior.

[ikez78]

Because the military's site for translating and releasing Saddam Hussein's has surfaced in the news. It's incumbent upon those in the media to also shed some light on what else the documents from Iraq have revealed.

This is from Ed Morrissey's summary of the top docs:
* 2001 IIS memo directing its agents to test mass grave sites in southern Iraq for radiation, and to use "trusted news agencies" to leak rumors about the lack of credibility of Coalition reporting on the subject. They specify CNN.
* The Blessed July operation, in which Saddam's sons planned a series of assassinations in London, Iran, and southern Iraq

* Saddam's early contacts with Osama bin Laden and al-Qaeda from 1994-7

* UNMOVIC knew of a renewed effort to make ricin from castor beans in 2002, but never reported it

* The continued development of delivery mechanisms for biological and chemical weapons by the notorious "Dr. Germ" in 2002

and these are from Joseph Shada


Iraqi Document: Saddam Regime Spying on the IAEA (Congressman Hoekstra is Right)

2001 Iraqi Document: Saddam Approved the Re-Use of Nuclear Equipments

March 2001 Document: Saddam Regime Plans to Strike American Presence and Interests

Iraqi Documents: Projects to Rebuild Saddam Nuclear Facilities

And from Regimeofterror.com
Former Baathists found working with al Qaeda/Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in Iraq

[juliehg-2009]

Not funny and politically incorrect!

[dinocon]

I still remember Kerry and his act after the vietnam war and all the lies about our forces over there. That little act cost a lot of lives for that cut and run Democrat operation. Just let the people we were fighting for to die by the Communist North after we pulled out.
America needs to remember and not let the Johnsons of today take us down that road again.

[djconklin]

paterbaldwin wrote: "Notice no one is laughing."

I was! It'sgreat. Especially the bit about keeping the internal organs internal!

Rafterman wrote: "The notion that the terrorists will use a US timetable to strike harder is ridiculous. They attack now at full strength with all their resources available and they will attack at full strength once we leave."

That sounds good but your support is weak. The Taliban had no idea when the Russians would leave.

The wise move (and that's not to say that these guys are wise) would be to lie low once an exit date is given. Much like the N. Vietnamese waited till after we left before attacking the South.

[rafterman1]

And of course while the terrorists in Iraq are waiting for our deadline to leave to come and go, they will just simply lay low, right? How many US soldiers a day are dying there? Three?

The notion that the terrorists will use a US timetable to strike harder is ridiculous. They attack now at full strength with all their resources available and they will attack at full strength once we leave. They fought the Soviets for years with the same intensity. The Iraqi government and military will never become strong enough to hold them off - meaning we stay and die there for God knows how long.

Meanwhile, we have little leeway in any sort of ground response to Iran or North Korea - that is, unless we start a draft and become a miltaristic state, fielding a million man army. It's no coincidence that Iran and NK have become bolder about their nukes since we got stuck in Iraq. And we are really in deep *** if China decides to attack Taiwan. Even Afghanistan is at risk as long as we stay tied up in Iraq. Having the Soviets tied up in Afghanistan was the best thing that could have happened for the US and now we are making the same dumb-a$$ mistake.

[ressigmann]

Democrats may not want terrorists to win persee, however their general notion that the U.S. is fundamentally at fault and that the terrorists need big sloppy kisses to make up and forgive us amounts to the same thing. Their constant calls to set a deadline are playing into the terrorists hands since it tells the terrorists "if we can just last this long we win". The fact that various Democrats have been quoted by the terrorists tends to lend credence to the debate. And lest we forget despite Saddam's use of chemical weapons on a civilian populace most Democrats now say they made a mistake voting to remove him.

[pakaal]

Funny. But I have to say Jon Stewart's version was funnier, although shorter.

[txgs33]

Aaaahhhh ha ha ha ha ha! Well hell, I thought it was funny at least! Hope this saves a job!

[rafterman1]

You guys miss the point. They are mocking the idea that somehow the Dems want the terrorists to win as any number of Repubs right up to Bush have said.

Of course, that notion is ridiculous. There isn't a person of either party in either house of Congress who "wants the terrorists to win" simply because they don't agree with Bush policy. That's partisan bullcrap and for someone, especially the President of the United States, to question the loyalty of some Americans simply because they dissent is ignorant. It's been said many times and, once again has to be repeated: Dissent IS NOT disloyalty.

[kesac4650]

What we seem to have here is some Liberal wet dream about what the suppose some Conservative would like to here.
To be funny, you need timeing and the element of surprise. This is just tiresome.
CBS is sliding. They can't seem to report, and so have nothing much to base their opinions on.
They sure aren't what they used to be.

[peterbaldwin-2009]

Notice no one is laughing.

You guys are an embarassment. Go get a job at Fox.