Online Safety After The Foley Scandal

Larry Magid On Keeping Kids Safe From Internet Predators

(CBS)  What children need to look out for is not a certain stereotype of a dangerous person but certain types of behavior. The former congressman’s alleged “overly friendly” emails are a perfect example. If an adult is communicating with a child in ways that seem inappropriate or odd, than there is a good reason for flags to go up. Apparently, at least some of the pages had this reaction to Foley’s communications and did the right thing by alerting others about behavior that made them feel uncomfortable.

Another common element in this case is the apparent unwillingness of Congressional leaders to confront Foley, urge him to seek treatment or inform law enforcement authorities if they had reason to believe that his activities were potentially illegal. That is often the case in both families and organizations. It’s not uncommon for family members to go into denial when there is evidence of abuse within the family. Even victims are often reluctant to come forward or confront their abuser not just for fear of reprisal but for fear of harming the abuser who they often love, despite their abusive actions.

Cordelia Anderson, a Minneapolis-based sexual prevention expert won’t comment on the specifics of the Foley case but does point out that it’s not uncommon for bystanders to remain silent in cases where they have reason to believe that sexual misconduct may have taken place. “One of the important messages missed over and over again is the power of bystanders of all ages,” she said. “If someone feels that someone’s behavior is not OK, they may not know what to do or say. They may minimize it because it’s easy to say something when it’s a horrible person but it’s hard when it’s someone we know and trust, but that’s very often the case.” Anderson, who has worked with a number of youth-serving organizations that have grappled with adult volunteers or staff accused of molesting children, says, “It’s not uncommon for people in these organizations to have trouble believing that one-of-their-own could be guilty of abusing a child.”

As terrible as this situation is, it does present a teachable moment for parents. This may be a good time to talk with your children about how to deal with dangerous and potentially predatory behavior. Ask them how they might handle a situation like this. The conversation might be uncomfortable but it could help better equip your child for something they could encounter down the road.

These conversations are especially important now that most children are spending an increasing amount of time online using email, instant messaging and social networking services. Children should be reminded not to engage in online discussions of a sexual nature with anyone, especially adults or people they don’t know. Kids and parents should know the warning signs of a potential predator including excessive praise, questions about what they’re wearing or what they’re doing or questions designed to determine whether their parents are nearby including “where’s the computer in the house?”

If you know of an incident where a child is being contacted by a sexual predator, contact your local police and report it to the National Center for Missing Children’s Cybertipline at www.cybertipline.com or by calling 1-800-843-5678. The Cybertipline can also be used to report pornographic images of children, online enticement of children for sex acts, molestation of children outside the family, sex tourism of children, child victims of prostitution, and unsolicited obscene material sent to a child.

I have more resources on my internet safety sites: SafeKids.com, SafeTeens.com and BlogSafety.com. There is also excellent advice at GetNetWise.org, NetSmartz.org and the Center for Safe and Responsible Internet use.