freeSpeech: Lori Leibovich

Mother Speaks About Pressures To Breastfeed

(CBS)  When I was pregnant, I had every intention of breastfeeding; I had looked forward to the bond it would create between me and my child. But once my son was born, I found that breastfeeding caused me excruciating pain. Nothing helped.

So, in order to give my son the benefits of breast milk, I used a breast pump for seven months. Five times a day, 30 minutes each time. Why did I stick with pumping for so long? In a word: guilt.

Every time I thought about quitting, I heard the mantra that had been drilled into my head by books, doctors, nurses, friends and even strangers: breast is best. Even the government is into the guilt game.

I'm not arguing against breastfeeding — there is incontrovertible evidence that it is the best food for babies. The problem I have is that I felt bullied and guilted—into doing it. And no new mom needs that.

It's infuriating that the same government that's telling us that we're risking our children's lives by not breastfeeding also doesn’t provide mandatory paid maternity leave.

All mothers want to do right by their babies, so for those of us who don’t or can’t breastfeed, lay off. Formula isn't perfect, but it's also not poison.

---

Lori Leibovich edited the anthology Maybe Baby: 28 Writers Tell the Truth about Skepticism, Infertility, Baby Lust, Childlessness, Ambivalence, and How They Made the Biggest Decision of Their Lives (Lori Leibovich, HarperCollins, 2006).

Her writing has appeared in many publications, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, Elle, Harper's Bazaar, and in the anthologies Mothers Who Think and The Real Las Vegas. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and son.

[aimeelovan]

I agree with Ms. leibovich. I wanted to breastfeed tremendously when i was pregnant with my now 10 mth. old daughter. But i had a c-section and got a severe blood infection during the operation. I was ill for two weeks after delivering so couldn't breastfeed b/c i was in so much pain let alone all the strong antibiotics that were going through my system. on top of all that, i went back to work part-time after 3 weeks b/c i didn't have paid maternity leave. i could've opted for short term disability but that was only $350 per week. On average, my salary comes out to be $1,350 per week. I could not afford that much of a pay decrease. therefore, in order to get $1,350 per week i had to return to work part time as soon as my vacation days were used up! In conclusion, i felt so guilty and still do to this day b/c i wasn't able to breastfeed, if the gov. offered mandatory paid maternity leave i would've made a stronger effort to pump while i was ill following the c-section.

[jkdewey]

Thank you SO MUCH for doing this segment! I too feel the same way - bullied and guilted into breastfeeding. For my first two children, I spent HUNDREDS of dollars on lactation consultant visits, new breast pumps, expensive foreign medications, etc. I just had my third child six weeks ago and for the third time lost my milk very early. I have beat myself up the last two times and this time, decided not to. My child is perfectly healthy - even on formula. Adopted infants have to be given formula and they turn out wonderful! Not being able to breastfeed (or having challenges doing so) is not a new thing. In Bible days, they had wet nurses for women with children experiencing problems. Breastfeeding may be natural, but it comes with a great deal of pain and problems as well that many women experience. Thank you - from all of us who wanted to breastfeed and CAN NOT! I only wish this voice was heard more often.

[lwag2]

Amen! I had planned to breastfeed also. When my son was born, the lactation specialist at the hospital told me his stomach would be the size of a marble and I would have exactly what he needed until my milk came in, and afterward. In actuality his stomach was the size of a tennis ball. He stopped wetting his diapers for over 14 hours after we brought him home from the hospital. I thought he was dehydrated, and we got him in to see the doctor immediately. She said he was just hungry and I could start supplementing his feedings with formula. I was so relieved! I had been up for 30 minutes every 1 1/2 hours since he had been born trying to feed him! Instead I was slowly starving him. The pressure to breastfeed is immense. But what is ultimately best for the baby is food and sleep. That's also a good prescription for a sane mother.

[jklevans]

I agree completely. When my son was born 17 years ago, he was unable to suck due to cerebral palsy. People made it out to be a horrible thing. He would be sicker and bonding wouldn't be as great.

The truth is he hardly ever had a cold or virus when he was an infant or toddler and he was in day care. Also I would like to see how many moms have the close relationship with their child that I have with mine. Karen

[jagar5]

I am a mother and I believe breastfeeding is very important but I also found it difficult. When my daughter was only three weeks old I was told I didn't have enough milk to supply her for the entire day so I breastfeed only twice a day. I loved the connection and bond we shared from breastfeeding and was devastated when I had trouble. Part of my guilt could have been a result of pressure from doctors, books and government warnings. But is it really such a surprise? This is the same government that is trying to convince us that abortion causes breast cancer. A fact that is not supported by any medical institution. The government pushes it's political agenda by any means necessary. Using guilt tactics against women seems to be affective.

[moxxiemama]

I completely agree. After I delievered my second child, I had sepsis, but was unaware until I ended up hospitalized again. I breastfed my first child with no problem and intended to do so with the second. When my milk would not come in because of my infection, I was guilted by so many people-and found that I was having to EXPLAIN my health situation to others who had no business with that information. It really made me furious. Can't people just shut up about things that are none of their business?

[onerockinmom-2009]

Ms. Leibovich's opinions echoed my own thoughts. I too have felt guilty for not breastfeeding my child and I am an adoptive mother.

Although breastfeeding an adopted child is possible, it is not entirely practical and supplementation is normally required.

However, the government has made it very clear that, in their opinion, I am harming my baby because my body is not physically able provide my child with breastmilk. What I would like to know though, is have they considered educating the public about the effects on infants and children if the mother is putting potentially harmful and sometimes poisonous substances into their own bodies? In those cases, breast is NOT always best.

[katebeem]

Right on, Lori Leibovich. I've been waiting for 10 years for someone to say what you said in public. I'm so tired of women beating up each other for the choices we make. We should be sticking together instead of tearing each other apart.
When my first child was born I tried to breastfeed. It was painful, I was stressed and the lactation consultant at our hospital was too busy. When I called to tell her I was switching to formula, she told me I was quitting because of the pain. *** right I was. But I also quit because I wanted to hold my baby and not wince at the thought that he'd be latching on. I thought that breastfeeding is a part of mothering, but it's a small part. Yet I feel guilty that I didn't stick with it, even now.
I think there are enough parenting mistakes going on out there that society should leave formula-feeding moms alone.
Lori Leibovich, you rock!

[helenw4-2009]

Lori was perfectly reasonable and articulate until she made the utterly ridiculous statement about the government harping on moms to breastfeed for the health of their babies but not "providing mandatory paid maternity leave." Hey! Look again Lori! The government didn't "mandate" you breastfeed! And how would you feel about its "guilt trip" if it DID mandate it? Please, make up your mind or just be honest. You want the government to act when it suits you but lay off when it doesn't.

[clark056]

Would you please do a story on the fact that breast feeding prevents breast cancer.

Docotor's families know this to be true.

[swalk52]

Thank you so much for speaking up for moms who are unsuccessful at breastfeeding. I had a 10 lb. 4 oz. baby early this year who I could not satisfy with the amount of milk I produced. In addition to that, he was a poor nurser according to my lactation consultant. No matter how much we tried, supply never equaled demand. He would nurse for an hour and still cry out in hunger.

I ended up, like you, having to pump exclusively in order to monitor his milk intake while also reluctantly supplementing with formula. I cried every time I considered quitting because I just felt so guilty about it. I am amazed that you were able to stick with it for seven months; I had had enough by 3 months.

I had also been given the impression that babies who are breastfed are always healthier than formula-fed babies. This is simply not true.

I also agree that mandatory paid maternity leave is something that should be provided. Luckly, I had enough sick time saved up to stay home with my baby for 8 weeks. Had I not had enough time saved up, I would have been forced to go on short-term disability.

Thanks again for speaking out on this issue. Maybe discussions like this will bring about positive changes.

[jklevans]

To the lady who breastfed. I congratulate you. But there are circumstances that doesn't make it available to breastfeed every child. Your response is what makes it hard for women like me who had no choice.

[doogie14410]

It saddens me that Ms. Leibovich felt "guilted" into breastfeeding and had such a negative experience. Breastfeeding never has to hurt and it is very unfortunate she did not find the help or support of a lactation specialist to make breastfeeding comfortable and enjoyable. It is also unfortunate that she had to pump 30 minutes, 5 times a day. A good quality double electric pump will allow mothers to pump in only 10-15 minutes. I work with breastfeeding mothers everyday, and 99% of the time, we are able to fix things so breastfeeding doesn't hurt. It is true that formula isn't "poison", but more and more research is showing feeding formula may increase your child's risk of many diseases, including diabetes, especially if there is a family history. Women should receive support for whatever decision they make in terms of how to feed their baby, but public statements like Ms. Leibovich's do not give an accurate message to the public regarding breastfeeding.

[mamamilkbar]

I didn't like this. Why would you promote formula the same time you're trying to promote healthy breastfeeding?? There are many many people who can help. Lactation Consultants, La Leche League. But people almost never try and get help let alone even try and breastfeed. Or they will come to one struggle and just stop. I think it would be a good idea to have the government pay for maternity leave but honestly we all know thats not going to happen. I just had my 2nd baby in june and am just now going to go back to work. I haven't been getting paid but that is something I had to risk in order for my daughter to recieve the best thing for her. and to the previous comment. adopted children DONT HAVE to be given formula you can lactate and give them the wonderful gift of mama milk. There are also plenty ways to up your supply rather than over the counter stuff. Also, I have never heard of having to pay a lactation consultant to recieve help. and I am in the process of being one. I only hope someday all mothers will breastfeed. or even TRY and breastfeed instead of just not doing it or giving up over 1 little hurdle...

[perialis-2009]

I just started weaning my 4 month old son today from breastfeeding. The main reason I'm stopping breastfeeding is that I have returned to work and there is nowhere for me to express my milk during the day. I'm forced to use a bathroom stall and am embarassed to do so, and conscious of the unhygenic surroundings. As guilty as society makes you feel is you don't breastfeed, you are made to feel equally guilty for expressing during work hours. Mandatory nursing areas in the workplace would definitely encourage women to continue feeding after maternity leave.

[onerockinmom-2009]

mamamilkbar, in preparing for our child, I researched adoptive breastfeeding. It's been suggested by many resources to begin taking a drug that has been deemed illegal in the U.S. in order to get my body to lactate. I say, no thanks to that! I weighed the risks and I'd rather feed my baby formula than pump him with a harmful drug.

[shabasset]

THANK YOU! I never breast fed, even with all of the pressure to. It wasn't that I couldn't, I just didn't want too. And my kids turned out just fine. My son had his first ear infection around the age of 8, and my daughter was about 5-6. When I took my son to a child screening test when he was 4, they looked in his ears and were amazed about the condition of his ear drums. they said it was the best they had seen in a long time....that I must have breastfed. They didn't believe me when I told them not once did I breast feed or pump. And they still proceded to tell me the benifits of breastfeeding over bottlefeeding, even though it was obviously too late to be telling me that now!

I'm not doubting the benifits of breastfeeding, it just wasn't something I was comfortable doing...and my kids survived just fine.

[jayeel34]

If she feels pressured to breastfeed by the government,then she really does have issues. The government also says its unhealthy to be obese. Should all fat people get upset? They recommend your kids get vaccines, should they quit that as well? Try taking ad companies.

[celestea05]

Why do you feel as though you are being guilted into breastfeeding? Just because the gov't is telling you how good it is doesnt mean you absolutly HAVE to do it. And just because your child may have only had one cold in his life doesnt mean that breasfeeding wouldnt have been beneficial in other ways. The gov't says that smoking is bad for you.... do people that smoke feel guilty about it just because the govt says its bad? And does everyone that smokes end up with lung cancer?? No, just as every chid that isnt breastfed gonna be terribly sick. If you are feeling that guilty and pressured then you need to stop being so sensitive to what others say! God made us to breastfeed and we should make every attempt possible. So it hurts.... stop thinking of yourself and think of the benefits for your child instead

[fabmom-2009]

Good for you Ms. Leibovich! I, too, wanted to breastfeed my now 10 month old son and certainly tried my best. Because of feeding difficulties I made the agonizing decision to switch to formula - agonizing because of the guilt trip you meantioned. A guilt trip that, along with my breastfeeding difficulties, threatened to send me into postpartum depression. I had to choose between my sanity and my son's milk. I chose my sanity. 8 1/2 months after switching my son is a healthy and inquizative baby with a happy momma. Both more important than what is currently "politically correct".

[apcorporate]

THANK YOU for speaking out on this matter! I agree with Lori, the pressure to breastfeed is extreme, almost to the point of bullying. Many new moms who are unable to breastfeed or don't want to breastfeed are critized unfairly. My body was not able to produce enough milk to feed either one of my babies. I had no choice but to supplement with formula and bottles or they would have starved. But surprisingly, I was critized by many people who said that I didn't try hard enough or long enough to breastfeed. My kids are now ages 9 & 12 and very healthy. They haven't suffered any ill effects from drinking formula as babies. New moms, you do have a choice and it is OK to bottlefeed with formula should you decide that it is the best choice for you and your baby!

[mkosh]

I have to agree with Lori. I had mastitis (and was treated for it) three times in the first three months after my c-section. I was re-admitted to the hospital for one of the infections. It required me to be on antibiotics 30 of the 90 days that I pumped. I wish it had worked better but it didn't. I had a colicky baby who would cry and i would try to hold him as I pumped four times a day. I really feel like we bonded so much more after I finished pumping though it saddened me that I was no longer providing him with breastmilk. Thanks for speaking out for the rest of us!

[lindacoast]

I, too, felt pressured that breast was the best and tried hard as I could to stick with that program.
Due to weak lactating problems out of my control, I could not produce enough milk. I too tried the breastpump which was painful and ineffective. The doctors and media and all the nurses just kept saying, "keep trying". Almost a week past when I finally saw a picture of my shriveling infant son. I immediately sent my husband for some formula and my baby started to thrive.
I started reading articles about how to compensate when feeding by formula. A mother can still hold her baby closse to her breast and her heartbeat so baby feels that bond while formula/bottle feeding. There's plenty of nutrition to provide the baby and the most important thing is that the baby grow with nutrition annd love no matter what the source of the mutrition. My son is now 7 years old and very healthy. His immiune system is just as strong if not stronger than some of my breastfed neighbor's kids.
I agree that unquestionably breastmilk is the best.
But if problems arrive that make this undo-able, mothers should not be made to feel guilty for going formula.
The emotional toll these guilt treatments take on the moms is harmful. Depressed moms can give off negative energy that their infants can sense and react too. Having a baby should be a blessing and the focus should always be on keeping the mom and baby as happy and secure as can be.
Thanks for letting me share my commentss.
Linda Meadows
Roswell, GA

[holtfam]

Please do not feel quilty! I had the same delima 25 years ago--I breast fed my first child, but experienced severe pain while nursing my second child. I stopped only after 2 weeks, but was much more relaxed feeding that baby with his bottle. Both children are grown, successful, happy adults. Both accelerated in school (both in talented and gifted programs). Interestingly, the report tonight that children breast fed were less prone to obesity did not hold true in my situation--my daugher who was breast fed has had weight problems, and my son who was not breast fed is at normal weight. It just says to me that there are other factors that must contribute, and for me breast feeding did not make a difference--oh yes, I almost forgot--the baby that was breast fed has had numerous allergy problems and my son who was bottle fed has experienced very little problems! Jane Holt

[vpletcher]

Katie, Thank you. I cannot begin to tell you how overdue this story is! I just had my third baby and have wanted to breast feed with each child. However, my body would not produce enough milk for any of my children. I tried everything from pumping every hour to hanging a device around my neck and taping it to my breasts so the baby would suck formula from a tube and think it was my breast. I tried special breast-feeding counseling, and even hormones. "You're probably not doing it right, or just to stressed", I was told over and over. The process was long and at times painful. All around me were messages about breast-feeding that made me feel, well less than a woman because I could not breast feed. My OB's seemed to have little concern or care to help. Finally with my third child, my pediatrician told me he would have to put my baby in the hospital because she was dehydrated. I spent that weekend bottle feeding her round the clock and pumping as much as a could to supplement. Even after everyone around me told me, oh just wait a few more days your milk will come in. There was simply not enough milk to sustain her. Why was I trying so hard for something I knew two times before could not happen???? Pressure from groups, the media, the government and even doctors. Breast is best. Is it so good when there is not enough milk to keep your baby alive? Thank you so much for letting me know others feel the extreme pressure to be perfect and "natural" too.
Valerie

[toyotachic]

THANK YOU SO MUCH LORI!!! I tried to breastfeed for a few weeks but couldnt do it, and then just tried to pump out of guilt because I thought I would be looked down on if I used formula right away. I hate breastfeeding being pushed on everyone. Breastfeeding isnt for everyone and I know that now.

[kmaile-2009]

Thank you so much for making this side of the story known. I had a very hard time breastfeeding my infant, and so did SEVERAL of my family and friends. It is not all bonding and beautiful looks for everyone. It can be painful physically and mentally even if you do have support, depressing from feeling like you are failing your child, and just plain not work for one reason or the other. People that have an easy time breastfeeding do not understand how it cannot work for all people. The government has put strict regulations on formual production so that it is a safe and healthy alternative to breastmilk, and people should be able to admit while, "Breast is Best," that sometimes it just does not work. Please realize that calling us stupid or lazy is harrasment, not helpful.

[rawillard]

My mother called to tell me about this story and I am glad that she did. I had a difficult time breast feeding and never really felt all the wonderful feelings that you are supposed to feel. I didn't feel pain either. What I felt was failure. My baby needed more milk than I could give him and I had to supplement with Formula starting in the hospital. I felt as if I was doing something wrong dispite the fact that we had a good latch and according to the lactation consultant and visting nurse everything we were doing was right. Now my baby is three months and he is on formula all day and I breastfeed him in the evening. During the day he is happy and content. The nights are a different story. I am still struggling with him being hungry every 1.5 hours and needing to be topped up with formula even after we nurse. Why do I keep going? Because of guilt. Thanks Lori for letting me know I am not the only one who feels this way.

[eleinap3]

Hi Lori,
I know exactly how you feel.When I gave birth to my oldest son I felt pressured in to breast feeding even though I had many problems associated with it. It made me feel that I am a horrible mother. When you are already feeling post partum depression it does not help to have people telling you to do something that you clearly can's. When I gave birth to my daughter I was standing in the pharmacy and talking to my friend regarding the formula that I was using some strange lady came up to me and said "why are you poisoning your child?" I cried for days and even though my daughter is three years old I still think about that day like it was yesterday. People and government need to understand that there is nothing wrong with giving your child formula if breast feeding is not possible or difficult. I wish there were more people talking about this issue.

[erincoughlin]

Women must breast feed. That's what breasts are for. "It hurts". Stop whining. So does labor. It is true some women can't breast feed and indeed women shouldn't be made to feel guilty for using formula when they have to. Even though I heard you can order breast milk online. As women every thing we do is hard. I breast fed two children till they were one and couldn't be happier with the results. Eventually breast feeding stops hurting. Don't get me wrong there are nursing nazi's who breast feed till the kid is 5 or more and look down on any one else who didn't. All I'm saying is breast feeding is a huge inconvience but so is motherhood and pregnancy. Just because it's hard don't give up.

[moxxiemama]

Notice a whole lot of women who condemn other women for their decisions about their own bodies and their own children. Gosh, you'd think we who didn't breastfeed drove around with the babies in our laps or hung them out the windows or something. Disgusting. How about you 'shamers' just stick to raising your own kids instead of berating other women.

[bakirkpatric]

I agree with Lori... though 50 years old and no children (by choice) I understand societal pressures regarding childbearing. Now that she has had a valuable life lesson, she can now raise her child in peace, HER WAY. If the government and others want to help mothers, then ensure they receive full pay while on maternity leave, just as Lori mentioned in her piece. Otherwise, be quiet and continue their business of pretending to be masters of the universe. All the best to Lori and her child.

[proudmom2]

Bravo to Lori for being honest and expressing her opinion of the guilt she felt from various sources to continue to breastfeed! I am a first time mother of a healthy 6 month old who has been formula and breastfed. All mothers want what is best for their child, we make decisions every day to help them grow up healthy and happy. There are a large amount of homeless, battered, and sick children in our country...but yet we continue to stick to the breast vs. bottle debate. We are feeding, loving, and caring for our children. That is enough. No one needs to tell me how to dress my child or what games to play with her, so why do they think they can tell me how to feed her? We should support responsible parenting, in any form it comes in.

[shespe]

I was glad to hear someone else feels the way I do. I too wanted to breastfeed with my first baby but for some reason never got any milk. I realized that something was wrong before I left the hospital and switched the formula. I felt guilty about it and even when I was pregnant with the second felt pressured by the nurses and others to give it another try. I didn't try and I am glad I didn't because I never got any milk that time either. I get very tired of all the ads and the news stories that almost make you feel like you are not a good mother if you didn't breastfeed. They should realize that sometimes it is just not possible. It is a very personal decision and there should be no pressure either way.

[char406]

I am so glad that finally someone is speaking out about this subject. From the moment I went to my first prenatal visit I was bombarded with breastfeeding. Are you going to breastfeed, take the classes, you need to do it for your baby, she could get sick if you don't...all these things people kept telling me. Even from my own family and boyfriend. Even at the hospital on the big day, they sent a breastfeeding coach to my room when I never asked for her. Everyone was making me feel so pressured and torn. I didn't want to do it at all, not even try it. It was just too weird for me and I don't have the commitment for it. So I said no. They made me fell like I should be crusified for my decision...and even my boyfriend was disappointed in me. It was one of the worst things to go through and made my pregnancy a little less enjoyable. And being on WIC doesn't make it any easier...they really drill it into you there. But I had made up my mind and I don't regret it. My daughter is already five months old and hasn't gotten sick, no ear infections, no diaper rashes, no allergies, nothing. I just wish people would lay back on the breastfeeding...because there's nothing wrong with formula.

[sharonec8]

I fully agree with Lori Leibovich in not breast feeding her baby. No one has the right to make a new mother feel guilty for giving her baby formula. I did it. My children did not mind. The are both heathly adults now. The mothers who want to force other women to breast feed by making them feel guilty need to keep their mouths shut. Breast feeding is not for everyone and just because we use formula does not make someone a horrible person. We love our children just as much as they do. The only difference is that our babies fathers can share in the joy of holding them and feeding them so they bond just the same as the mother. We are not bad mothers. We choose to not flop the boob out in public to feed the children. I find those people rather discusting. You want to breast feed, DON'T DO IT IN PUBLIC. MAKE IT A PERONAL MOMENT.

[bridgetth2]

I think breastfeeding; wheter you choose to or choose not to is simply the choice of parents just like other women's issues.
I felt a tinge of guilt when I stopped breastfeeding because my work schedule did not allow me enough time to go off and pump to keep my milk supply up when I was away from my daughter.
Ms. Leibovich deserves nothing but accolades because what she said this evening will strike a cord with thousands of women. For those of you who have questioned her "issues" think of the pressure on women either way: what about the public outcry against public breastfeeding and the lack of private areas to do so?

I have one less thing to say: the only people who have ANY right to weigh in on this are those who alone have the capability to breastfeed!
{non-fathers/men should but out}

[cncra]

I heartly agree with Lori, I am now a grandmother but I have 3 grown children who WERE NOT breast fed. They are extremely healthy, as they have been all their lives. I have 14 grandchildren, some of them were breast fed, some were not. There does not seem to be any difference in their health or their weight.
I watched my older daughter suffer while trying to breast feed her first child. She had mastitis but was determined to breast feed "because it's better for the baby and everyone will think I'm a terrible mother". I say "phooy" to that. My younger daughter discovered that, to breast feed, she would just about have to stay at home 24/7. She was not willing to do that and I supported her. She is also an excellent mother.

Young mothers should not be made to feel like terrible mothers because they can't, or choose not to, breast feed. A whole generation of us was raised on formula that wasn't as good as it is now. We're not dying in the streets, nor have we suffered any more diseases than would be normal.

Cut the mothers who don't breast feed some slack, it's really none of anyone's business what your reasons are, anyway.

[jerigo1]

I have never heard of a more selfish mother in my life. If you are not willing to withstand a little pain to do what's best for your baby, then you have no business having one. To try to make others feel guilty for encouraging you to do what is scientifically proven to be better for babies, is more proof that you indeed know that you're being selfish.
I know numerous new mothers that are working full time, pumping and feeding their babies their own milk, that are inconvenienced and tired and maybe in pain, but not complaining and whining and trying to get people to feel sorry for THEM!!
I am so disappointed that Katie Couric, of all people, would air a comment like this to make it seem reasonable, when she is in such a position to help young mothers do what is best for a baby.
Having a baby can be inconvenient and yes, sometimes painful, but the reward of knowing that you are being the best mother you can be at whatever the cost..... priceless.

[djsnjones]

I am a registered nurse who has worked for homebirth midwives and homebirth doctors for about 29 years. I also breastfed both of my children. I find it very, very sad that Ms. Leibovich had so much pain with her breastfeeding experience. Normally, breastfeeding is not supposed to be painful, aside from the slight discomfort of the first 7-14 day breaking-in period. If there is pain that does not decrease with every passing day, that is a sign that something is very wrong. The most common cause of the kind of pain that Ms. Leibovich describes is from the baby having a frenulum that is too short--a problem that is easily corrected in the doctor's office. The second-most common cause of this kind of pain is the cross-cradle hold (distinctly different from the traditional cradle hold), which unfortunately is a new hold that is being taught in most hospitals across the country. The third most-common cause is inverted nipples, a problem that is easily corrected in the last month of pregnancy. I am confident that with the right kind of advice, Ms. Leibovich could have found a painless way to breastfeed, and it is truly sad, I think, that that help was not available to her the first time. My hat is off to her for persisting with the pumping, in spite of how difficult it was for her. I hope that if she has another baby, she will have the courage to try again, and that this time someone will come her way with advice that truly helps.
djsnjones

[fourboys04]

Well, we all agree breast milk is best. Maybe a little guilt isn't such a bad thing. I had a very hard time breastfeeding my first. I, too, felt like I *had* to breastfeed. I'm glad I was pushed to do the right thing. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's easy. To not breastfeed because you aren't "comfortable" is a complete cop out. I think it's selfish to not even try and breastfeed your baby. Women gave me hard time for breastfeeding: How do you know your baby is getting enough? Ummm he's thriving and fed on demand. Doesn't your husband want to bond with your baby too? If babies were meant to bond with Fathers by nursing I guess their breasts would actually work.

Second best isn't good enough for me. So when I see a woman choose to formula feed right from the start, she is CHOOSING not to give her baby the best.

[karenlee101]

Lori showed a lot of hurt and bitterness in her commentary this evening. She chooses guilt on her own, as we all do. Consider why the judgements of others are so painful for her. I'm sorry she resents the nursing of her baby. That commentary was so painfully telling about herself as a mother, and/or that she nursed solely on the basis of the opinions of others. (sad) I also believe firmly in the public awareness campaign that teaches society the import of breastfeeding America's babies. I know it to be a pivotal decision in the life of any mother who has a viable choice. I was never nursed a day in my life. As a child I was beset with allergies and problems that have since been proven to be lessened or eliminated by nursing. My five children were nursed without suppliments for one year or more. I feel sorry for babies who haven't that advantage and I also feel sorry for mothers who do not have that lovely experience. My kids have NO allergies, miraculous considering their mother's health record! I barely ever dealt with colds or ear infections. My bonding experiences are cherished parts of my life and as my children have matured into teenagers I more fully realize how vital that time was in nourishing not only my babies, but myself as well. I'm sorry for the mothers who cannot or will not choose breast feeding, but that is no reason to stop the awareness campaign about the importance of breastfeeding.

[k8mo77]

I also agree with Ms. Leibovich statements and am thrilled to see someone speaking out about the pressures of breastfeeding. All the ads and articles about breastfeeding absolutely pressure mothers into breastfeeding and go as far as saying that by not doing so you are putting your child in harms way. Every mother wants the best for their child so of coarse with these ads we are going to feel GUILTY if we are not doing the BEST thing for our children. I tried breastfeeding with my second child because of all the pressure and felt like it was something I should do if I was really a good mother. After several complications I ended up switching to formula because breastfeeding just became a disaster - from my daughter not eating to me getting infections and having a hard time pumping enough milk. I have to say both of my children were formula feed and have been completely healthy and are on the higher end of their developmental/growth charts. These ads do intially make me feel guilty for not breastfeeding my children, but my children are completely healthy and I am still being the best mother I can be - and I don't consider myself taking any "risks" with my children. I think the government should spend more time and money addressing serious problems that kids face - I know for a fact that formula is NOT the most harmful thing that our children are facing today!

[madisonrae1]

I understand her pain, I really do. but I think she better the best decision to continue to pump for her child after her babies latch could not be fixed. babies who are breastfed are healthier, less likely to gain weight, the list goes on and on. I don't understand why anyone would CHOSE to formula feed your child. I just don't get it. the benefits of breastfeeding as a FAR SUPERIOR method of feeding is beyond question. why would you deliberately CHOSE something second best for your child? if the FACTS of the superiority of breastfeeding make YOUR decision to formula feed your child, that is ultimately your problem. your values are clashing with your actions.
the fact is, the message is out there because formula companies market their product to make it sound like formula is remotely in the same ARENA as breastmilk. its not. its hardly even in the ballpark.
I am sorry for those women that would like to bf, but cannot because of supply reasons. I have no sympathy for those that deliberatly chose to put thier children's health at risk because its "gross" or "inconvienant".
and I do wish Katie had discussed a bit more about the lack of support from the gov't for new mothers. it sucks and as a feminist I think bfing and actualy SUPPORT for it should be on the forefront of the movement. bf babies are healthier and in fact it would save the companies money if they would actually give women time to at least pump, if not a year's paid leave.

[momof3boys3]

Being a mom of 3 children. I had twins 3 months early. they had to spend almost 3 months of there lives in th NICU. to this day we have no idea why they came early. i had to pump for those 3 months because that was the only thing i had to give my boys besides all the love in the world. it was a very trying time for my husbend and i, even though we had the help of our family they all had jobs and we couldn't expect them to wach are oldest that was 3 at the time. my husbend went to work every day and my son went to mysisters wile i spent at least 4-5 hr. with our little ones that i could not tuch for the first month month and a half because my tuch would stemulate them to much. i knew that giving them my breast milk they were still getting a part of me. no matter how bad it hurt i still did it. i know that formula is not poisen and i know that it will not hurt them but i also know that when you can not hold, care or give your child kisses you as a mother will do anything for your child. so if you can enduer the pain that some weman may have then breast feed but for the ones that can't that is ok there is not not a thing wrong with it. formula feed.

[midmimom]

As a mother of three breastfed children, I have learned that breastfeeding is like any other learned skill. It takes time, effort, support, and good teachers for there to be success. I find it unfortunate that the commentator in this segment was unable to connect with resources that could have helped her with her breastfeeding troubles. Granted, there are legitimate reasons for not breastfeeding, but they are rare. Usually breastfeeding problems can be easily solved with some loving instruction and time. Instead of using blame as an excuse for poor decision making, why not gather support to encourage governmental awareness of the necessity of breastfeeding support for new mothers or exposing the corrupt system of formula marketing?

Breastfeeding is not always easy - but is any part of parenting? The future health of our children depends on the critical decisions we make for them while they are young. Don't make excuses. Make responsible choices and take positive action!

For very helpful information about breastfeeding check out the La Leche League website. They are the leading authority on breasfeeding in the United States and internationally.

[CrystalD]

I agree!!! I just had my first child 3wks ago! The hosptial gave me a HARD TIME about breastfeeding they pressured me and had me so upset! I would have one nurse to come in and show me how to breastfeed and then when her shift was over, a different nurse would come in and tell me I was doing it wrong, they drove me crazy!!!!When I got home from the hospital I cried and cried! I felt like I had to breastfeed! I felt like I was a bad parent if I didn't do it!I tired so hard, my daughter just couldn't do it and I pumped milk with a hand pump day and night! It hurt so bad!!! I just cried everyday. I didn't like it at all and I was worried about what other people thought! Finally I woke up one am. and decided I wasn't going to do it any more! I don't care who don't like! My husband and I wasn't breastfeed and we turned out just fine! There's nothing wrong with using formula!

[mammatimes2]

Re: breastfeeding: A new mom should never feel guilty about not breastfeeding her new born child. I completely breastfed my 2 boys until they were a yr. old. I chose to do it because they were my first priority and because I chose to be a stay at home mom. Never did I give it a second thought. And it is true that breastfed babies have less infections. My boys are grown up now. When they were growing up, rarely were they seen by a doctor, except for their usual baby shots. I wish more young moms would choose to breastfeed their babies---they form a very special bond thay is not there otherwise.

[nikynu]

As usual, I see that the majority of responders who are pro-breastfeeding cannot and donot respect the ideals of another mother. They always have a eason as to why the new mother "failed" the process. I am also a nurse and never breasfed nor do I advocate it . I think giving birth is quite enough and then the dredgery and constant inconvenience of breastfeeding? When I ask is the mother to have time for herself? I think that everyone should read "Misconceptions" to get the reality of infant care and the demands on new mothers. Shame on all you radical breastfeeders. Do as you wish but do not push it onto others.

[uleryroad]

I have two beautiful children and neither of them were breastfed - ever. These girls throw a wrench into the theory that formula fed children do not thrive. Not only do they have exceptional health - with my oldest not getting ill until she was 4yrs old (she's now 9), but they both exhibit exceptional intellectual capabilities as well. I too could not breastfeed because of pain and supply and also felt the "wrath" of the community for not doing so. I'd love for someone, anyone -to challenge me on my choice. The only consequence we had was that the formula cost money - though even that wasn't bad, because I received coupons to participate in a research program regarding satisfaction with the product, so it ended up being around $3 for premixed formula. Breast is best as far as economy, availability and accessibilty, but its not the only option. I was told by my pediatrition that a healthy diet, exercise and vitamins prior to delivery is the best prevention of most concerns (as evidenced by my children). Lay off the pop, salt and fried foods and your children will thrive.