Pre-Marriage 'Divorce Prevention'

Marriage Prep 101 May Help Couples Learn How To Communicate

(CBS) 
Here's a surprise: conflict avoidance is a no-no. It's good to fight, but couples need the Geneva conventions.

"If a couple gets into a big fight and their heart rate goes above 100, they are not thinking clearly," Michelle Gannon explains. "When you get too hot, you take a time out," he husband adds.

The research has identified specific fighting behaviors that torpedo marriages.

"There are four main hostile behaviors that are predictive of divorce. They're criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. And stonewalling often goes with the conflict avoider," Michelle Gannon says. "They just leave the room. Hang up the phone. Go away for a few days. And that is very dangerous for a relationship."

Set a time and place for potentially difficult discussions. Men in particular, who make up 80 percent of the stonewallers, need parameters.

"What time's it start? How long will it take? And, how do I signal for a timeout? They love it. They will even talk to their wife if they know those three things," Sollee says.

And then figure out what your partner loves and just do it.

"I like it when Andree tells me she loves we and as we're walking down the street and she holds my hand," Michael says,

"He's loving me all the way to the trash can when he takes the trash out, when he goes to the grocery store," Andree adds.

Bottom line: keep talking, a little communication goes a long way to making that walk into the sunset a little smoother.

Finally, there are some absolute don'ts: no eye rolling, do not threaten divorce when you're fighting, and ladies, be succinct.