Don't Marry Career Women? Not So Fast!

Forbes Opinion Piece Roils Cyberspace

(CBS)  This story was written by CBSNews.com's Melissa McNamara.

---

What's a surefire way to attract attention to your story? Call it: "Don't Marry Career Women."

Forbes.com pulled down an article by its executive news editor about career women after it provoked a heated response from bloggers, and reposted the story with a "rebuttal" from a female reporter in their Silicon Valley bureau. The point-counterpoint has bloggers buzzing. "Forbes" is the second most popular search term on Technorati on Thursday, with over 194,000 links.

The article by Michael Noer contains reasons for men not to marry "career women." Noer relies primarily on dry sociological studies – not controversial in themselves and unlikely to spark online furor– but Noer's take on it is undoubtedly provocative. For example, his article begins:

"Guys: A word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career.

"A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women–even those with a ‘feminist’ outlook–are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner. Not a happy conclusion, especially given that many men, particularly successful men, are attracted to women with similar goals and aspirations. And why not? After all, your typical career girl is well-educated, ambitious, informed and engaged. All seemingly good things, right? Sure…at least until you get married. Then, to put it bluntly, the more successful she is the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you. Sound familiar?"

And if that sentiment weren't enough fodder for the blogosphere, the article originally appeared with a handy sidebar of "Nine Reasons To Steer Clear Of Career Women," illustrated with pictures of some sad-looking men. The sidebar no longer appears on the site but the blog Pandagon includes it here.

In her counterpoint, "Don't Marry A Lazy Man," Elizabeth Corcoran calls Noer's article "downright frightening."

"Studies aside, modern marriage is a two-way street," Corcoran writes. "Men should own up to their responsibilities, too."

Corcoran also points out that despite being a career woman, she and her husband are about to celebrate 18 years of a happy marriage. It's a point that resonates with many female bloggers who consider themselves career women and not surprisingly, took issue with Noer's piece.

"Articles like this are obviously insulting to women because they reinforce outdated and highly sexist notions of what a 'good woman' is, and they imply that if you don’t fit the Suzie Homemaker mold (which most stay-at-home moms don’t even fit) then your marriage prospects are shot," Jill at Feministe blogs. "And they reinforce the idea that marriage is the highest goal that women should seek."

"I'm still trapped in the house and perhaps going a little stir crazy, but I'm pretty damn sure it's still 2006," bitsandgiggles adds.

Other bloggers point out that Noer isn't one to shirk attention when writing about marriage. After all, he wrote an earlier piece about the economics of getting married versus hiring a prostitute. That article also contained references to several studies on "career women” and how they don't make for an ideal marriage.

Gawker notes that perhaps Noer has a few "issues with the institution of marriage."

But perhaps publicity was partly the intent of writing a potentially inflammatory piece?

"The latest rumor about the Forbes article by conveniently unreachable Michael Noer is that the piece was deliberately provocative. Not to inspire intelligent debate, mind you - but to drive traffic from the hip, highly-female blogger demographic to a publication to which they (I’m projecting here) would not ordinarily purchase a subscription," Jennifer writes at The New Charm School.

Readers on Forbes.com also weighed in. Some question what all the fuss is about. "I can't understand why women are getting so upset with this article. It is just examines statistical trends about social and economical aspects of gender equality," VegasMike writes. "The article is just informative to the reader. Men AND Women should have all the statistical knowledge facing the institution marriage today."

But Newbie disagrees. "Contrary to popular belief on this message board, a highly-educated, motivated, high-earning career woman can be 1/2 of a happy, well-functioning, productive marriage," Newbie writes. "Here's the winning formula - we support each other."

Sure many more people are reading Forbes.com today, but could it backfire? Perhaps. "It's incredibly disappointing to see them publish a piece that makes such gross generalizations about working women," Travelocity president and CEO Michelle Peluso, who has been featured in Forbes, told Salon.com. And she also said she planned to approach the magazine directly about the piece.

[random_radar]

MarkS7177,

How many career women and baby factories have you been married to? The Forbes article was about marrying a career woman, not dating one. From your comment, I would hazard to guess that you have never been married. I would prefer to date intelligent, educated, ambitious, witty, charming career women. The question is whether that woman will be happy married to you.

Let's put a different spin on the discussion. It's not a matter of whether a man would be satisfied with a career woman. The real question is whether a career woman (a euphemism for intelligent, ambitious, successful) will be disappointed with the average loser that manhood has to offer in our society. The underlying message coming from Forbes is a warning that most men don't measure up and they are headed for trouble if they actually marry that tantalizing dream of a woman whose talents and virtues are manifested by outward career success.

Of course, some men can make the grade and the rebuttals by their wives are wonderful. The truth is that there are a lot more women with their acts together than there are comparable men to marry. It is proverbial to hear successful women lament "Where are all the good men?" The answer is that a large proportion of them never grew up and they don't exist in a par ratio to the women hoping to find them and live happily every after.

Everyone can save themselves a lot of heartache if they avoid being "unequally yoked together."

[kaffers-2009]

The author stated that wives' employment does correlate positively to divorce rates, when the marriage is of "low marital quality." Well, duh - they aren't dependent on their husbands' paychecks and they can afford to get out of a bad marriage, where women without their own income have a much harder time doing that. Ooh, and they have more opportunity to meet men at work - so that's bad, but it's OK that men have always had that opportunity?

[cguy6]

I user to work with Mike Noer. He's ***, and very, very bitter.

Perhaps he should write an article entitled "guys: don't marry, date, or sleep with women."

[peterke4]

Being a housewife is a career!! If you choose to have a Family them you Choose to Have a career as a housewife!!! If you choose to also have a career out side of the home as well then you are choosing to work 2 full time jobs. This means working 16 hours a day at least. This will in the end cause stress.... I am glay that Forbes let this man speak and not try to censor his point of view, and let people know that if you choose a wife that wants to have a career other that being a housewife there maybe things to consider! I had a career outside the home and gave it up after I had children and they cried everyday when I left them at the sitters. I would have n=missed so many parts of there gorwing up if I stayed working full time outside the home. Why should I work and PAY to have someone else RAISE MY CHILDREN, CLEAN MY HOUSE, WALK MY DOG, DO MY SHOPPING......I am blessed to be able to be a "Stay home Mom" And being able to back a successful career man, and teaching and raising two very important members of society. That when the leave my home they will be ready to enter into a succesful relationships of there own.

[kaffers-2009]

Peterke4, your choice was a valid one and I am not disparaging it. However, women can have both a family and a career outside the home; they just have to make to sure they choose a man who pulls his weight with the house and the kids. I need more intellectual stimulation than I can get just from being a housewife. But men who aren't willing to do their share around the house probably should not marry career women; those women will get stressed and may start looking for a true partner instead of one who considers cleaning, raising the kids, cooking etc. to be strictly "women's work" which leads to the 16 hour days for the women that you mentioned.

[no_id1]

I just read the article on the Forbes article and I am absolutely blown away that Forbes even printed such an inflammatory and erroneous piece of fiction.

Granted it is scary to see the conservative agenda at work in the media which is promoting the stay at home little woman thing, but anyone with an education and a brain would know that it is a choice and not something women are subjugated to any longer. This article archaicly states the reason marriages fail is because the woman chooses to be a productive member of society as well as a wife and mother if she so chooses, and does not as usual give any responsibilty to the man in the relationship.

A little research into the facts he presented would probably have shown very different results. Oh the poor husband! Put upon to pick up the kid, shop at the store, or maybe even put on dinner, after a long day at work. Pal, those days are over and good riddence.

Buck up for gods sake and stop being threatened by your wifes success. If she makes more money than you, it really isn't emasculating.

[sail-on747]

Mr. Noer, seems to smack of that "Good Old Boy" school, of chauvenism. Grow up Mr. Noer, (have you no fortitude to be egalitarian?)we are living in the 21st century. But, since you have, and are presenting, your edict so publically: I say then, indeed: "What is good for the goose, is good for the gander." Although, throughout, my buiness career, I have not cheated, on my husband. Should I have? Have I missed a salient point, to make your editorial, ring true? I also, ask Mr. Noer, how do you feel, and what is your opinion, about, the brave women, in the armed forces; protecting your butt. Forbes Magazine, I am ashamed of you, for having allowed such, hogwash, to be printed, in your prestigeous publication.

[marybethinct]

I have been both, a stay at home Mom until the kids went to School and for the past 10 years a full time career woman.

I will have to say that the days that I was a stay at home Mom were a heck of a lot EASIER than working!!

It's a dirty little secret that moms who don't work want everyone to belive.

With the exception of raisng 5 to 10 kids than, god bless!!

However most American households have 1 to 3 children and it's not such a bad job to stay home!

So stop complianing at home Mom's trust me you have it easy compared to the Rat Race of the real world!!

A Career woman really does not need a Man that can't stand the heat of the kitchen!!

[mademillons]

I am 49 years old, self made multi millionaire semi-retired and just married (3 months ago) a 49 year old career woman. I am so unhappy I cant describe it. Her career is her life. I am a distant second. She promised things would change. NOT!! We had a 1 day honeymoon. She works 50 hours a week, travels often. Talks about work evenings and on weekends. The rest of the time off she is sleeping (sitting up from prior weeks exhaustion.) We have no life. If I bring it up she gets mad and it lasts for 2 days. Life is no fun. I spent almost all summer at my lake home alone, even boating alone. Guys take it from me, career girls are cold, ego crazy, passionless, boring and exhausted. Their income isnt worth it...

[peppers335]

I grew up with a my mom staying at home, all of my friends wanted the same but they had the other situation with a working mom. They mom never was at their practices as much as my mom was and so forth. There were 5 kids in my family and if you think having a job working for the man putting your effort into corporate america is good, well your life is not such of great importance. My wife stays home with our kid and she is loving it better than her "job" from her previous life. If you are so certain that working at a corporate job is the right road for you then why is there such an uproar? feel insecure? Its an opinion, it was stated in an opinion article. If you care about your kids, stay with them. I know I have a much greater realtionship with my parents then all of my other 25 year old friends. And that is a fact.

[ronny525]

I agree with his comments. American men are simply tried of career American women. We are kicking you to the curve. Good riddens.

RH

[ronny525]

I agree with his comments. American men are simply tried of career American women. We are kicking you to the curve. Good riddens.

RH

[ronny525]

I agree with his comments. American men are simply tried of career American women. We are kicking you to the curve. Good riddens.

RH

[ronny525]

I agree with his comments. American men are simply tried of career American women. We are kicking you to the curve. Good riddens.

RH

[ronny525]

I agree with his comments. American men are simply tried of career American women. We are kicking you to the curve. Good riddens.

RH

[ronny525]

I agree with his comments. American men are simply tried of career American women. We are kicking you to the curve. Good riddens.

RH

[my2cents_06]

It is hard for me to totally disagree with the comments. Many career women make incomes similiar if not more than their husbands. I have personally known friends who have complained that there husbands weren't ambitious enough because the wives earned higher wages. Also, studies have shown that women are having far more extra-marital affairs largely due to the accessibility of ready, willing and able partners in the office. I think what is happening is a correction of the dynamic between men and women. I still believe that traditional roles by and large will work better over the long run but clearly not as they did when a wife stayed home with the kids and the husband worked. Some argue that one of the reasons that the Western world has done well economically is because we have the extra resource of women laborers whereas in places such as the Middle East, women are discouraged or not permitted to become a force in society. I think the simple solution is to determine what value system a potential marital partner has and ask oneself is that what I want to live with for the rest of my life. Personally, my next wife will not be a carrer woman because - coincidentally I presume - many of the negatives that I experienced were very similiar as to what was described in the article. Go figure!

[ajones61-2009]

Wow. Is there no middle ground in being a wife and PART TIME career woman? There's a little thing called working from home with the emergence of the INTERNET. I'm in Advertising and Marketing and can complete over 60 hours worth of at-the-office work from home daily before lunch, and not on Sunday. I agree that ANYONE's career can put stress on a marriage: the husband's career and the wife's. You have to find balance in your life no matter what gender you are. BALANCE

[lunarclipse]

Has anyone figured out that possibly, just possibly, the reason women without careers are statistically less likely to divorce is that they simply lack the financial means to escape a bad marriage? (not that marriage to a man who opposes women having careers could be oppressive or anything).

Oh, and ronny - it's "riddance", not "riddens"

[lunarclipse]

Oh ronny - also, it's "kicking you to the curb", not "curve". But then, you're obviously a moron.

[peppers335]

there is a direct correlation between women in the workforce and unemployment rates. So if someone in the household doesnt have to work (financially speaking), do America a favor a give the job to people who need it.

[seaport3]

Who is married to this chauvinistic insensitive,moron?

[elle_1]

WOMEN--GET REAL AND BE HONEST

I am a 24 year old female in law school who exemplifies everything Mr. Noer istrying to convey. I do not want to have kids (they are inconvenient and will ruin my party life); do not want to get married (why do so when there are so many guys to sleep around with); and will value my career more than anything else (what satisfaction do friends and family really bring?). Sadly, I am one of thousands of young women who feel this way. This is due to the bad ideas brought on by the feminist movement.

We are now living in a time when dogs/cats are replacing actual children. This is also a time in which there is an increase in the number of divorces occurring. In a few years, there will be more kids in America born of foreign parents than American parents. In addition, there is an increasing number of American men becoming more interested in foreign females.

Career women tend to be conniving, uncreative and unpleasant. I have found female bosses to be less pleasant than male bosses. The reason for that is that women in "power" feel that they have to prove themselves, therefore they tend to be overly aggressive.

It is ironic that despite this being a time in which freedom of speech is touted, the comments of one individual can spark so much uproar, leading to him having to recant his statements. The women who are upset are just too dishonest with themselves and others to admit that Noer may have a point.

- Elle

[elle_1]

WOMEN--GET REAL AND BE HONEST

I am a 24 year old female in law school who exemplifies everything Mr. Noer istrying to convey. I do not want to have kids (they are inconvenient and will ruin my party life); do not want to get married (why do so when there are so many guys to sleep around with); and will value my career more than anything else (what satisfaction do friends and family really bring?). Sadly, I am one of thousands of young women who feel this way. This is due to the bad ideas brought on by the feminist movement.

We are now living in a time when dogs/cats are replacing actual children. This is also a time in which there is an increase in the number of divorces occurring. In a few years, there will be more kids in America born of foreign parents than American parents. In addition, there is an increasing number of American men becoming more interested in foreign females.

Career women tend to be conniving, uncreative and unpleasant. I have found female bosses to be less pleasant than male bosses. The reason for that is that women in "power" feel that they have to prove themselves, therefore they tend to be overly aggressive.

It is ironic that despite this being a time in which freedom of speech is touted, the comments of one individual can spark so much uproar, leading to him having to recant his statements. The women who are upset are just too dishonest with themselves and others to admit that Noer may have a point.

- Elle