Romantically Challenged? Get Coaching

Frustrated Singles Increasingly Turn To Experts For Dating Help

(AP) 
John Fergus, a Los Angeles-based dating coach who charges $75 an hour for his counseling sessions, cites his 34-year experience of organizing singles events and workshops as qualification. He concentrates on modifying his clients' behavior and body language to match what he's seen work in a singles environment. But it isn't a one-size-fits-all endeavor; he tailors his advice to suit each client's personality, weaknesses and strengths.

Feinstein and Fergus both say their client base is evenly split between men and women. In what may be a sign of growing social acceptance of romance counseling, Feinstein says she has seen a major uptick in her male clientele in the past year.

"I used to have a lot of women clients and no men, but now I almost have more male clients than I know what to do with. That movie 'Hitch' may have made it more acceptable for men," she said, referring to the 2005 comedy depicting Will Smith as a "date doctor" for romantically challenged men.

For many people who seek out the services of a dating coach, it isn't their first attempt at self-improvement. Fergus estimates that 40 percent of his clients have seen a therapist.

"One of the concerns a lot of my clients have is that they may have worked on a lot of issues already, but they're still sort of stuck socially," he said. "My goal is to help them find what's holding them back, and help them develop the social skills they need to get past it."

Edelberg began receiving personal consultations from Feinstein in the summer of 2003. Later, Feinstein began to accompany Edelberg "in the field," watching her interactions and helping her identify obstacles, including what eventually became known as "the circle top."

"It was a very revealing lace mesh shirt with clear sequins on it," Edelberg said. "When I wore it, men wouldn't come within five feet. They'd circle around, but never come talk to me."

The two later found a less daring, ribbed V-neck sweater produced better results for Edelberg.

Today, Edelberg is engaged to a real-estate attorney she met through mutual friends, with a wedding planned for this winter.

She has a ready explanation for why Feinstein's guidance succeeded where self-help books failed: "Patti holds you accountable for what you're doing. A book won't do that.

"She made me go out and do things I enjoy doing and meet men that way," Edelberg continued. "Cooking classes, dancing lessons, whatever."

That advice may be no more insightful than the kind a friend might offer for free, but Edelberg noted that even the most well-intentioned friends often fail at playing Cupid.

And sometimes what discouraged singles need the most is "a good kick in the butt, — something even good friends are frequently reluctant to provide, she said.

"Friends may not be honest with you about what you need to do," she said. "They'll try to protect your feelings, but that doesn't get you anywhere."