8 Essential Tips For Adoptive Parents

Experts Weigh In On What Parents Should Know When Considering Adoption

(WebMD)  No. 4: Know The Costs Involved — And How to Defray Them

Depending on the type of adoption you pursue — private, independent, domestic, or international — adopting a child can cost anywhere from $4,000 to $30,000, according to the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse.

But there are ways to defray costs associated with adoption. In 2001, the adoption tax credit, which applies to all adoptions, increased to $10,390 for families earning $150,000 or less. Many employers provide financial benefits, like paid leave for newly adoptive parents and reimbursement for adoption expenses. The National Adoption Foundation offers low-interest loans to help ease the financial burden. So before plunging into the adoption process, find out roughly how much adoption expenses will cost you, and what types of financial breaks you can expect to receive.

No. 5: Use a Lawyer Who Specializes in Adoption

All adoptive parents must hire a lawyer to legalize the adoption. Experts suggest hiring someone with expertise in adoption.

"You wouldn't go to a podiatrist for heart surgery," says Becky MacDougall, director of domestic adoption and birth parent services at Sunny Ridge Family Center in Wheaton, Ill. "We usually recommend that people use a lawyer who specializes in adoptive law."

No. 6: Acknowledge The Potential Emotional And Physical Baggage

It's important for adoptive parents to recognize that a child's environment, both in the womb and during the first few years of life, can have a lasting impact on that child. For a high percentage of adopted children, that may mean exposure to drugs or alcohol in the womb and a lack of stimulation in an institution.

"I should have read more about what it was like to bring home an institutionalized child. Even my son, who was almost 3, had no verbal skills," Schwartz tells WebMD. "Nor was I prepared for the insulated life they had led. For instance, they had never seen a toilet."

"Initially, most [institutionalized children] need a very structured environment, with bland repetition, and not too many toys," says Johnson.

The possibility of substance abuse in utero also poses risks. "The baby may appear healthy, but there are long-term risks," MacDougall tells WebMD. In babies with fetal alcohol syndrome, certain areas of the brain don't develop properly. This can cause behavioral and learning problems later in life, she explains.

No. 7: Keep Expectations Realistic

"Parents have a lot of expectations of what children will be. Adoptive parents do the same thing. There’s some built-in fantasy about any child," Johnson tells WebMD.

The truth is, says Johnson, the longer a child has been institutionalized, the more dramatic and lasting the effects in the child's development. "Most babies adopted before they are 6 months are going to do as well as any other baby. Of those adopted when they’re older than 2 years of age, a significant percentage will probably have long-term issues related to institutionalization," Johnson tells WebMD.

If you’re adopting internationally, seeking input about a child's medical and developmental status from an international adoption clinic can help check expectations. "Families who consult a medical professional at the time of the adoption consultation have more appropriate expectations," Johnson says. "We know that they're all going to get better. But it's nice to inform families of potential delays, and what they can do to help them."

No. 8: Prepare To Tell Your Child's Story

Years ago, the topic of adoption was taboo, even in households that embraced adopted children. Many adopted children grew up believing they were born to their adoptive parents. A seemingly unshakeable stigma surrounded adoption.

Fortunately, attitudes have changed dramatically in recent years, and the stigma surrounding adoption is lifting. "There's a much broader definition now of family," says Applegarth.

Adopted parents can help lift the veil further by being open with their children about adoption, from the beginning. "We really recommend that adoptive parents tell children that they're adopted, from the time they hold them in their arms. Tell them it's something to celebrate," MacDougall says.

SOURCES:: Margaret Schwartz, author, The Pumpkin Patch: A Single Woman's International Adoption Journey. Linda Applegarth, Ed.D., director of psychological services, Center for Reproductive Medicine and Infertility, New York City. Nicole Witt, executive director, The Adoption Consultancy. Dana Johnson, M.D., Ph.D., director, University of Minnesota Children's Hospital's International Adoption Clinic. Becky MacDougall, director of domestic adoption and birth parent services, Sunny Ridge Family Center, Wheaton, Ill. National Adoption Information Clearinghouse.