Ask The Experts

Larry Magid, Steve Jones And Cynthia Hunter Answer Your Questions

(CBS) 

Steve Jones

I am a 73-year-old grandmother who is addicted to the computer and besides the possibility of addiction which is, at best, not a healthy lifestyle but at worst tends to isolate people, I am concerned about the impersonality of computers. My generation grew up extremely self –conscious, with the idea that someone (from God to Santa to the next-door neighbor) always had their eyes on us and would tell. Today's teenagers are totally unselfconscious as exhibited by their clothing, behavior, and conversations. I overhear things I would rather not hear and see things I would rather not see. Now they have the anonymity of the Internet. Are we going to raise a generation of children with no inhibitions what-so-ever?
— Ardys Parrish

Youth has become over the last few decades generally less inhibited. That is a tendency that began long before the internet was invented. However, I doubt we will ever have youth who are entirely disinhibited. They may not be inhibited in ways that adults believe they should be, but they will be inhibited in ways their peers think they should be. Peer pressure is a strong inhibitor. While teens may push the limits of what is socially acceptable to adults, particularly online, they will stick to the limits their peers impose, and they will always look for those limits, in some cases imposing limits themselves if they cannot be certain of peer approval. And, indeed, their peers will impose limits, if only because of the constant formation and reconfiguring of social groups.

The important issue is whether parents and other adults in their lives are helping young people to understand and develop their sense of self and identity (whether online or not) as they emerge into adulthood. Adolescence has not been an easy process with or without technology, and open, honest and non-judgmental channels of communication between teen and parent have been a positive way that parents can aid their children during it.

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I have noticed that when I use a word processor, I get into the habit of composing sentences word by word, because it is easy to go back and forth within the sentence and make changes. When I write using pencil and paper I tend to think in longer strings of thought because it is troublesome to recast a sentence once it is written. My question is: Is the use of technology changing the way our brains compose written material?
— James Carpenter

I think it's too soon to know that answer to that question (although their may be neuroscientists who, with brain scans, claim otherwise).

We typically communicate differently for every medium we use, be it paper and pen, phone, fax, e-mail, instant messaging, etc., and we typically adopt different "voices" when using those media. In short, each new medium has fostered developments and changes in human consciousness (please see Walter Ong's short but brilliant book "Orality and Literacy" and Elizabeth Eisenstein's book "The Printing Press as an Agent of Change"). Today's technology is likely changing the way our brains compose written material in relatively superficial ways (through the creation of new words, shorter sentences as you note, and the like) but the changes may not be nearly as deep as those that took place over several centuries as literacy took root, spread, and supplanted oral cultures.

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My 20-year-old daughter has her MySpace private now (to my relief). But now that she has a Sidekick, even in the car she is typing away, intent and enjoying herself. She seems to have become more difficult to have a conversation with. It is, in my opinion, rude for someone to be focused on a machine while they have people right in front of them. Is this normal behavior?
— CM

It is normal for young people to find ways to isolate themselves from their parents in particular circumstances (headphones were an easy and early way to do that, as was reading a book) but it is up to you as the parent to determine whether you find it troublesome or not. If you do find it troublesome (which, judging from the tone of your question, seems to be the case) I would suggest asking your daughter to tell you what she is typing, with whom, what sorts of things she communicates about using her Sidekick, the kinds of things her friends do with their Sidekicks (or other mobile devices), and so on.

In other words, try to draw her into a conversation about the things she likes and does. Additionally, have you communicated with her using technology? It might be interesting to give that a try (mind you, not when you are driving!).

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I know a lot of older kids who are totally hooked on online gambling, especially poker. There's no way grown-ups can technically outsmart these kids, so, as they used to say, "what's a mother to do?"
— Washington, D.C.

About the best one can do initially is try to find out from a child what they are doing and why they think they are doing it. Is it a problem? In what ways? Does the child perceive it to be one? Is their a non-threatening way to show them it is a problem? Kids often seem to "get hooked" on a variety of things and move on from one thing to another fairly quickly. If there is a long-term gambling problem, I would strongly urge professional counseling and assistance.

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How much teenage use of technology is considered too much technology?
— Jessica Lipps, N.Y.

Excellent question. Parents are having to answer it on an almost daily basis. In truth, I have no idea, as it is really an individual matter, and it depends on how one defines "technology."

I'll assume that your question is more about contemporary technologies like video games, internet, computers, iPods, and the like. But even so, it is still not possible to come up with a nice, tidy, generalized answer. For some teenagers, use of technology is frightening (yes, believe it or not, there are teenagers who are very apprehensive about using it) while for others it is simple to use and easy to understand. I would suggest trying to determine the purposes to which the teenager is putting the technology. Is it to connect with other people, particularly friends and family? Is it to learn about the world? Is it to have fun? Is it to engage in illegal, illicit or at least dubious behaviors? Is it to do homework and study? And, crucially, what does the teenager think would be too much? It may well be that no one has asked them and that they have very strong opinions on the matter, particularly as they have no doubt observed many of their peers' use of technology.

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I have an 11 year-old boy and I know there is absolutely no way he will never see online porn in his adolescent career, no matter how careful we are. My question is: What, if any, are the effects of that, if any? It's distasteful, but is it harmful?
— Concerned Dad

I am not a psychologist, nor do I play one on TV, on the Internet, or anywhere else for that matter. I do, however, share your concern. I think it is difficult to isolate the effect of any one exposure to pornography, and often difficult to identify any cumulative effects, because there are so many other variables involved, such as a child's general well-being, development, and family and social life. If your boy engages you in conversation about things he has seen online do not shy away from the conversation, try to understand his questions and viewpoints, and try to guide him, in a non-threatening fashion, about what you consider to be the values you uphold and that he should follow. This is an ongoing process, and does not begin or end with viewing porn online (or anywhere else for that matter) and is one of the most difficult things about parenting, for as children assert their own identities and test their boundaries they may or may not agree with the values parents hold, but they will be influenced by them if parents continuously and consistently share them through word and deed, more strongly than they will be influenced by what they see.