A Mind For Murder

(CBS News)  This story was first broadcast on May 14, 2005.

When they talk about Carmin, the oldest of their four daughters, Danny and Judy Ross are never at a loss for words.

"She's bubbly, she's fun to be around. She makes the room warm. She's the sunshine," recalls Judy Ross, who even put together a list of words that come to her mind when she thinks of Carmin.

"Brilliant, empathetic, thoughtful, spiritual, patient, political, loving, peaceful, delightful, silly, playful, courageous," reads Judy. "Full of life -- daughter of our youth."

Looking back, Danny and Judy say their daughter's 1985 wedding to her sweetheart, Tom Murray, was one of the best days they ever had. "Both of them wrote their wedding vows," recalls Danny. "I stood there and cried through the whole thing."

Carmin met Murray at Ohio State University, but it wasn't a typical college romance. Carmin was a junior, and Murray was her English professor.

"I was hesitant, because I didn't know why a professor would be interested in one of his students," says Judy.

Murray was only 27, a first-year professor. But once Judy Ross met him, she says she was impressed: "He was very easy to talk to. Very proper. Good manners. Everything."

Carmin's three little sisters, Samantha, April and Heather, never had a brother, but they were delighted to have a brother-in-law.

"He was attending church with us. He didn't drink excessively. He didn't smoke. He exercised," Danny remembers. "He was polite all the time, around everyone, and I said, 'Tom, you're too good to be true.'"

In 1988, after Carmin graduated from law school, the couple moved to Manhattan, Kan., where Murray took a job teaching linguistics at Kansas State University. His colleague, Lyman Baker, says Murray made an immediate impression.

"A very gentle guy. A very good, very sharp mind," says Baker. "Personal, reasonable, good listener. He was serious, did his work. People really appreciated having a colleague like that."

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[mntocogirl]

I am completely appalled by the first poster''s (jabailo) comments! First & foremost there is never any justification for taking another persons life! PERIOD! Second comparing a man''s violent actions to a bull or a tiger is about as ludicrous a comparison as you could find. We are not animals sir - we are humans & thus are expected to act in a far superior manner than we expect of a bull. Additionally this man was not being held captive in this marriage - if he felt it was so terrible & he was being treated so badly then stop being such a wimp - stand up for yourself - show some pride and walk away!

[greatlakes99]

There is frequently justification for taking another person's life: self-defense, war, capital punishment, police action - to name a few if you believe in such things.

[nellybean3]

I honestly cannot believe the 2 post that I just read. Clearly you are blaming this woman for her own death. Everyone are responsible for their own actions. Just like you read that she met someone and started an affair, I am sure you read that AFTER she became pregnant, her husband started treating her like ***. She met someone else, fell in love and decided to divorce her husband. SHE MOVED ON! He needed to get over it. He was upset by the fact that he no longer had control over their relationship and her life. Since he did not want to have a baby and "THEY" got pregnant, he decided he lost control - so he gained control by treating her poorly. Once she gained power over that and decided to divorce him, he decided he now wanted something to do with their daughter - just to dig at her. When she decided not to move away to California but instead move 90 miles away, he was pissed by that. You guys don''t know what he did or why she felt that she needed to move away from him. As you know, she was no longer his spouse when she decided to move Lima in with her - which is her right and her choice. And I hardly feel the ex husband was so called "pushed over the edge" and killed her because he was investigating it on the computer. You guys don''t know how her behavior was to him nor his to her - you were not there. You simply read a typed summary which spanned in real life 18 years of marriage.

[graceesmom]

This is a sad case. I feel for the family and the child of the victim. I also feel for Murray in a way. People handle emotional distress differently. I mean it must be quite a blow for someone to tell their spouse that they will be moving out to live with another person and will be taking their child with them. But Carmins father says she would have never left Murray. Well she did. She didn''t go all the way to California but she did leave and with their daughter. You know the people suffering is the families. I guess some people get ruthless when the feel that they dont really know what to do. Murray could have probably gotten custody because there was another man she was involved with. I know that some states see it that way. I hope Ciara has a wonderful life even if it is without both of her parents. A shame that her father took her mothers life. Bless her heart.

[jabailo]

So, what we have here is another O.J.

A man driven to an insane rage...but why?

If a person goes in front of a bull and waves a red cape is it any wonder they get gored? If you taunt a tiger in its cage, and it comes after you -- who is to blame.

The family and the wife in this story were completely disingenuous. Clearly, the wife was selfish. Although he was the primary bread winner as she flitted through various "careers" he seemed to stick by her. She seemed to do what she wanted, when she wanted...and when she was done with him, she cast him aside, walked all over him and shoved a new lover in his face.

It doesn''t justify murder, by really, people have to take account of what drives other people. Her behavior was that of a person who was just as cold-blooded to him as he ended up being to her.