Faking It

Lloyd Garver Says Cell Phone Yackers May Be Ruder Than You Think

(CBS)  And that's a problem, because next time, "Daddy" might be real, and I don't want to tell some guy to get off the phone because he's faking it only to learn that he's really talking to his sick kid. So, these fakers have the potential to make the rest of us the bad guys.

The only way to deal with this is to fight faking with faking. When you're waiting to get off a plane and the guy next to you makes that "We're just pulling into the gate, and I'll call you from the baggage" call, you can top it with "This is the last time I fly commercial. I'll meet you at the helicopter."

When that obnoxious businessman shouts into his phone, declaring he's about to make a fortune because he was clever enough to buy Amalgamated Apple Sauce at 12, you can always talk into yours and say, "What's that? Amalgamated Apple Sauce is down to 3½? Well, at least I sold in time."

And maybe we'll be tempted to resort to the ultimate defensive tactic. When we're surrounded by callers talking away on their electronic pals, we can always take out our cellular and say, "I understand, Mr. President. All personal, civilian cellular calls should be terminated ASAP. I will notify the people around me immediately, sir."

Maybe that will at least give us a few minutes of silence — until one of those phone fakers "needs to be noticed."

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Lloyd Garver has written for many television shows, ranging from "Sesame Street" to "Family Ties" to "Frasier." He has also read many books, some of them in hardcover.