America Divided

(CBS)  This week's commentary is by 60 Minutes Wednesday columnist Steve Hartman.

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I don't know about you, but I had a really long night last night. I was in my office watching the returns come in: waiting and flipping, flipping and waiting for that decisive moment.

But by 1 a.m., the only thing that had hit 270 was my cholesterol. Scarier still was the map. Four years and almost nothing had changed.

The country was still bitterly divided along pretty much the exact same lines.

So the way I see it, we now face a choice. We can once again half-heartedly feign coming together, but not really mean it, or we can end the partisan bickering once and for all.

That's right, I'm talking two nations – under God – divisible – the United Red States of America and the United Blue States of America.

Let's face it, we had a nice 200-year run, but we're just not compatible anymore.

So let's wish each other well and divide up the stuff. Reds, you get NASCAR. Blues, you get wind surfing. Blues also get Bruce Springsteen, while reds get every country song ever written.

Fortunately, except for a few states out West, we've divided ourselves into this convenient, contiguous pattern.

Of course some states, like Ohio, will have to be split east/west. Columbus will be our Berlin – with a cement wall right down the center. Democrats can build it, or Republicans can outsource the job to China, just as long as it's big enough to keep Howard Stern on one side and Bill O'Reilly on the other.

Also, if we each get our own idyllic society, blue states could have gay marriage, and red states could have the Ten Commandments embroidered onto every judge's robes. Blues could keep the first amendment and get rid of the second. Reds could keep the second and get rid of the first.

But best of all, by dividing America in two, we could all see how great it is as one. Maybe then we could appreciate our differences and learn the art of something called compromise.

Or maybe we could try and do that now, and save us all the trouble of getting new stamps.