All Mixed Up

Andy Rooney On New And Not-So-Improved Flavors

(CBS)  A weekly commentary by CBS News correspondent Andy Rooney. It was originally broadcast on April 27, 2003.

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Obviously, I like to eat but I have some rules. I don't mix flavors. I like vanilla ice cream and I like chocolate ice cream but I don't put them in a dish together.

When I was a kid, I liked peanut butter and I liked jelly but I didn't like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Friday, I went to the deli across the street and took a sandwich and a Coke back here to the office. I opened the Coke, took a gulp and almost spewed it over the papers on my desk. I looked at the label and it said Vanilla Coke. Well, I like Coke and I like vanilla but I hated Vanilla Coke.

Everything's got something else in it.

Raspberry Ginger Crisp, Cranberry Almond Crunch.

Cherry Vanilla Dream with Pecans and Cashews. How about a Cherry Vanilla Nightmare?

Orange cappuccino. They have hazelnut-flavored coffee. What’s wrong with coffee-flavored coffee?

Fat-Free Hazelnut Coffeemate. The only thing I can figure is, hazelnuts are cheaper than coffee beans so that's what they're putting in with the coffee to stretch it out.

They take perfectly good water and louse it up with kiwi and strawberry. This one says Tangerine-Pineapple-Guava. I'd have to be dying of thirst on a desert island.

Sour cream and onion potato chips. I guess the sour cream and onions aren't even real. It says it’s "artificially flavored."

A can of raspberry-flavored tea says "More tea taste." So what's the raspberry all about, if they want it to taste like tea?

There’s a salt-free rice cake that's also fat-free. A fat-free topping. I've always been interested in the fact that when they don't put something in a product, it costs more. If it doesn't have fat, salt, sugar or any calories, it's more expensive.

Fat-free poppyseed dressing. I always wonder what they do with all the fat they take out of these things. Do they just throw it away?

Honey is very big in everything, now. Honey Nut Cheerios, Planters Honey Roasted Peanuts, Honey Mustard Pretzel Dip. Honey doesn't go with either peanuts or mustard. But I have an idea that honey is cheap because bees are making it faster than we're eating it.

You know, maybe I'll retire and go into business. I'd make an artificially flavored, fat-free, honey-coated hazelnut hot dog. You could have it with no-cal French vanilla or chocolate-flavored mustard.

[hwoodjablme]

I completely agree. I like ice and cream, but what is the deal with that new "ice cream" thing? Completely ridiculous. Or "sour cream": sour - good, cream -good, but together - awful. What they going to come up next? Pancakes?

[revtravel]

Gosh, Andy. When I was five I didn't like it when the peas touched the mashed potatoes or god forbid got mixed in with the gravy. OK, so you have a personal food issue. But all the plain water and plain coffee and plain Cheerios still exist. It's not like they took them away from you. Sour Cream and Onion potato chips--clearly potato chips are an important food source for us--have been around since as long as I can remember and you are just now discovering them? Shall we take bergamot (the fruit) essence out of Earl Grey tea as well? Rather than rant about such silliness like an old man throwing popcorn at pigeons alone in the park, why not comment on the fact that to say "honey" on the flavor label according to FDA laws only requires 10% actual honey and the rest can be processed corn syrups... from China? You can make us laugh AND educate us at the same time. It's OK. How about having a point to which we can say "Hey, that's right", rather than just sounding like a deranged man poking at his tray at the home. Variety is the spice of life. You may, however, prefer to keep those two things separate.

[revtravel]

Gosh, Andy. When I was five I didn't like it when the peas touched the mashed potatoes or god forbid got mixed in with the gravy. OK, so you have a personal food issue. But all the plain water and plain coffee and plain Cheerios still exist. It's not like they took them away from you. Sour Cream and Onion potato chips--clearly potato chips are an important food source for us--have been around since as long as I can remember and you are just now discovering them? Shall we take bergamot (the fruit) essence out of Earl Grey tea as well? Rather than rant about such silliness like an old man throwing popcorn at pigeons alone in the park, why not comment on the fact that to say "honey" on the flavor label according to FDA laws only requires 10% actual honey and the rest can be processed corn syrups... from China? You can make us laugh AND educate us at the same time. It's OK. How about having a point to which we can say "Hey, that's right", rather than just sounding like a deranged man poking at his tray at the home. Variety is the spice of life. You may, however, prefer to keep those two things separate.

[jrh98409]

Borrowing directly from Dana Carvey's SNL "Old Man" skit, Andy Rooney has sunk to new depths of irrelevance with this piece of duodecagenerian nonsense:

"When I was a booooyyy!...."

This bit was neither informative nor funny. It shows that Rooney's notorious ejection of Da Ali G (http://www.hbo.com/alig/episode/ Episode 12) from the set was not a gesture indicating an upperclass impatience with absurd time consumption, but only the imperiousness of an oldster who has too long forced his screen presence on an unamused and overly indulgent TV audience.

[feelfree1]

Mr. Rooney,

Re: "Well, I like Coke"

Coca-Cola has a history of backing goon-squads/death-squads in South America that target labor organizers. For this reason, Coke always tastes like blood to me, no matter the flavor.

Coca-Cola has also been banned in parts of India, because it has been found to contain high levels of pesticides. Yuck. I would prefer vanilla.

Why not do a humorous piece about that, rather than give Coke a free ad?

Re: "You know, maybe I'll retire.."

Good idea.

[bragdonec0]

yawn....
write about something worth reading, or if you want to debate useless information start a rant and rave blog somewhere.

[lvrohrs]

What is wrong with people, complaining about your thoughts on a purely, inane but still fun subject!!! Do you think they are taking life too seriously or maybe are just skewed by the terrible conditions of our world at this moment in time?

We thoroughly enjoy your commentaries, no matter how simple or complex they are--very nice to listen to your common sense approach on things.

We usually just tune in for the last minutes of the hour just to hear you, Andy.

Thanks, M Rohrs

[guysdigdirt]

write about something worth reading, or if you want to debate useless information start a rant and rave blog somewhere.
Posted by bragdonec0
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If you do not like it do not read it, did someone force you? You are probably one of those ranting about Harry Potter being too popular but have never even opened one of the books. Get over your self-important self.

[guysdigdirt]

FeelFree1, bragdonec0, jrh98409 & revtravel,
Just because it is not the Saturday morning cartoons does not mean it has to make sense to you. Get over yourself, relax and have a good time. We are not here for a long time, we are here for a good time so stop being so serious all the time.

[slim1h2o]

I don't like PBJ sandwiches either A.R. YUK! LOL

[veronickah]

Thank You, Thank You, Andy...Nothing irritates me more than to find something I like and buy and use it only to return to buy another one and find...New, improved, added texture, added flavor, reduced this or replaced that...What the heck was wrong with the original? I''ve stopped buying from certain mfg. because of that. Case in point Unilever. I loved the Caress lotion..no longer available because they jumped on the bandwagon of body wash. So,I buy from Avon,P&G,B&BW;lotion, bar soap and body wash. Jerks ruined their own good thing but, I still have soft skin without them! HA Ha.

[stevanovich9]

All these food combinations that don''t go together started with Dr. Brown''s celery soda and chocolate soda. Both of them taste like dish water.

[vzbolt]

Well stevanovich9, drinking dishwater certainly is an interesting habit! Presumably the dishwater you are using for comparison would be the original plain, not a flavored or improved version. On the plus side, I guess used dishwater would be quite pleasing as opposed to another more colorful flavor of waste material that I have seen mentioned.

[vzbolt]

Well stevanovich9, drinking dishwater certainly is an interesting habit! Presumably the dishwater you are using for comparison would be the original plain, not a flavored or improved version. On the plus side, I guess used dishwater would be quite pleasing as opposed to another more colorful flavor of waste material that I have seen mentioned.

[vzbolt]

Well stevanovich9, drinking dishwater certainly is an interesting habit! Presumably the dishwater you are using for comparison would be the original plain, not a flavored or improved version. On the plus side, I guess used dishwater would be quite pleasing as opposed to another more colorful flavor of waste material that I have seen mentioned.

[sparty601]

you must of run out of material

[urboydigger]

Somebody should inform Andy of honey bee colony collapse syndrome. Honey is not getting cheaper or more abundant.

I can hear him now... "Why can''t bee''s be either black or yellow. I would like it very much if bee''s decided to pick one or the other. Wouldn''t it be less confusing? Honey is ok, but wouldn''t it be better if bee''s didn''t sting" Yes, Andy. It probably would.