What Money Can Buy
FILE - In this April 12, 2012 file photo, Postmaster General Patrick Donahoe speaks at the Helena Regional Airport in Helena, Mont., to answer questions about the direction of the U.S. Postal Service. Bowing to strong public opposition, the U.S. Postal Service backs off a plan to close rural post offices after May 15, hoping to prod a recalcitrant Congress to back its cost-cutting plan that includes an end to Saturday delivery. The mail agency now says it will reduce operating hours at 17,000 rural locations instead, after a review process that could take months. (AP Photo/The Independent Record, Dylan Brown, File) / Dylan Brown
Like most of you, I get stacks of catalogues sent in the mail. Here's just a few of them. Early Winters, Monterrey Bay, Anthrolpologie, Cuddledown.
The other day, I actually opened the one called Preferred Living. It said it was for the affluent homeowner, and I wanted to see what I might be missing.
First there was the monk that doubles as a liquor cabinet. A nice companion piece to the turtle that doubles as a garden hose keeper.
Then, there was the penitentiary-tested lunch tray that is also drill-instructor inspected, if you're looking for a really tough lunch tray!
Then there's the can safe - "the perfect way to conceal valuables in your home - in a fake can. As the literature says, "Who's going to steal your fruit cocktail?"
That's true. You don't hear about too many stolen fruit cocktails.
There's the magnetic playing cards. You know, for all those times you're playing cards outside, and the wind just blows them away.
And then you've got your patio thermometer clocks - visible from outer space - so the next time you're in outer space, and you want to know what time it is or check out the temperature on Earth, just look at your patio.
You've got the shoe shine bracket - makes it easier to shine your shoes and the rolling workseat, easier to wash your car.
Of course, if you're that rich I'm not so sure why you're shining your own shoes or washing your car.
Then you've got your electronic money counter. If you buy that, you'll have $499 dollars less to count. And, of course, the electronic check writer.
I don't have any of these things and frankly I don't want any of these things, but here's one I really don't want.
The automobile organizer. Here's a guy at work in his car. "A spacious work surface with a non skid border that stabilizes your briefcase or computer. It also has an optional steering wheel desk!"
Now I'm going to assume the people who sell this thing aren't suggesting you use your desk while driving, but stuck in traffic or even at a red light - with it right beside you or even on your steering wheel, you probably would use your steering wheel desk.
It also has a lot of other compartments it says are made of high-impact composite. That's good, because with one of these things, sooner or later, I'm thinking , you're going to have impact!