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This column is actually an open letter to the students of Texas Tech, who now will have the dubious privilege of taking courses from former Attorney General and White House Counsel Alberto Gonzales. The disgraced former official finally landed a job outside of government—he resigned in 2007 — and now (for one year anyway) will teach political science - “contemporary issues in the executive branch” - at a school most recently known for hosting basketball coach Bobby Knight.

Hey, young people! What an opportunity you have. It’s not every day that you get to take a class with a man who has played such a significant role in recent American legal and political history. After all, your new professor is at the heart of: 1) the U.S. Attorney scandal, 2) the terror-memo scandal, 3) the Texas clemency memo scandal, 4) the Valerie Plame scandal, and the 5) domestic surveillance scandal. There are probably a few other scandals he’s involved in that we don’t even yet know about!

Your new professor is so wanted as a witness and deponent in Washington that when he lectures to you in Lubbock you’ll probably have federal investigators sitting in on the class hoping he says something material and relevant. So the first thing you ought to do is buy yourself a really good cell-phone with recording capabilities. You never know when you are going to be able to sell sound-bytes of his remarks to your local television station. And YouTube? Forget about it.

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