After my column on the Democratic ticket, I received:
Cello...: "The heading of your article, "Two Johns, No Waiting" is highly offensive and a transparent partisan attack. You don't fool anyone."
Anita: "I love your sense of humor — we should have more of it in the news. We need something to lighten us up."
In response to a discussion of our threat alert system:
Bill: "Of course there's confusion, that's what it's for."
Joe: "I checked out today's color, and found myself clashing in a big way with the orange."
In I talked about military personnel getting free cosmetic surgery.
Lauren: "You're a jerk. Plain. Simple. I hate when 'sex changes' are part of jokes/puns/parodies."
Ed: "I would like to think that if my daughter at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri, wants plastic surgery she can get it. Of course we were not aware before your column over us! Thanks for the tip."
Jason: "Your article seems to be ... an attempt to increase enlistment figures for the Armed Services that are having serious trouble attracting and retaining recruits."
In I wrote about a woman whose stepson is fighting in Iraq. She's against the war, she supports the troops, and she's baffled by some people who think she's unpatriotic.
Larry: "I am against this war, but I, too, fear reprisals from those who say we are un-American or even traitors."
Susie: "Thank you. Your words describe my feelings exactly. Our leaders have sent our precious children to an illegal war."
James: "Sorry, Lloyd, but you sir are a complete leftwing jackass. Your article is horrible."
The columns that got the most e-mails had to do with . Many people completed the survey, and some sent in "write-in" answers:
In answer to the question, "How can anyone still be undecided?" Michael said, "If you haven't made up your mind yet, you have been in a cave for 3½ years."
Chris: "This poll had me rolling on the floor laughing. I wish more normal people in this great country would come out of the closet and admit how ridiculous this election year is. It's like watching a bunch of kids yell at each other and not really accomplish anything."
Sandy: "A little levity is welcomed. I'm voting for John Kerry. For 40 years I was registered as a Republican. A month ago I registered as a Democrat. You're never too old to learn!"
DJS...: "No need to take any polls... Bush will easily win."
Joyce: "I want to know why there is not a huge media fuss because the Kerry campaign is doing everything possible to stifle the Swift boat vets' constitutional right to free speech."
Jack: "Whoever Hollywood tells me to vote for, I'm going the opposite."
Neub...: "It's about time someone is having fun with this election!!!!"
Ken: "Your article is a very sad attempt at humor."
John: "Let go of your hate. It will destroy you."
In I talked about how little exercise most of us got while watching the fittest athletes in the world.
Gordon: "I was really on the edge of my recliner when I watched the weightlifting. Darn near spilled my Doritos when those guys lifted a flexing bar carrying more weight than a Toyota over their heads!"
Fred: "My wife and I should have taken our couch with us on our walk last night."
In response to
Steven: "Speaking out against profiling is not logical. We cannot just assume that everyone is equal. We have to go on our experience."
Subh...: "Excellent job on this article. Very impressive writing. Please keep up the good work."
Well, obviously not everybody feels that I'm doing "good work." However, I will "keep it up." And readers like Marie will keep sending me their comments. Hers read, "I think you are full of canal water." At least she didn't criticize my writing.
Lloyd Garver has written for many television shows, ranging from "Sesame Street" to "Family Ties" to "Frasier." He has also read many books, some of them in hardcover.
by Lloyd Garver