Stupid News Tricks

Maybe Ted Koppel's Nightline isn't the best news broadcast, but it's as good as any broadcast on television, even if it is on ABC, which is why I don't get why the ABC brass wants to dump it.

As I understand it, they say it doesn't attract enough younger viewers who buy things.

So who is it that buys all these luxury cars and mutual funds? Teenagers? The last time I looked, I made more money than the interns around here.

But as I said, I don't get it. It's an old coot kind of thing.

To solve this crisis, ABC is trying to lure Brother Letterman to ABC and put him on in Koppel's late-night spot. Well, I hope they don't.

But if they do, here is my advice. Let's make it a straight, baseball-style swap. Letterman and his team for Koppel and his gang.

As I understand it, the ABC folks say this isn't about Koppel, it's about generating more revenue for the network. Well, that's one way to look at it.

By the same logic, you could tear down the Washington Monument and charge people to park there. There's no question that would generate more revenue for that piece of property. But where is the logic in destroying one of your most prestigious attractions?

So I have two messages. Stay home, Dave; you wouldn't be happy over there.

And Ted, if they do run you off, keep us in mind. We may be needing something for that 11:30 slot.

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