(CBS News) Sixteen days to Christmas, but who's counting? 'Tis the season for gifts, particularly gifts with an affordable price tag, which is where a thinly-disguised David Pogue of The New York Times comes in:
You think you get stressed when you get on a flight?
Try my job: to fly the whole world in one night!
I got reindeer with rabies, and scrapes on the sleigh,
And that hurricane - hoo! Nearly blew me away!
But I do it. You know? For it's all a good cause:
To spread joy via gadgets - that's me, Techno Claus.
Now, this year, some folks are in financial jams,
So everything here's below one hundred clams.
Carbon Audio Zooka Wireless Speaker, $99.95
The tablets, the iPads, are all of the rage
For music and movies, a digital stage.
But the speakers - my gawd. I mean, listen to dat -
They got all the strength of a sneeze from a gnat!
So you put on the Zooka, a cylindrical wedge
A good-soundin' speaker, clips right on the edge.
And it's Bluetooth, you see? Look, ma, no more wires.
Your laptop, your car, or where'er you desires.
Tagg Pet Tracker, $99.95
I love all the reindeer. But Blitzen and Prancer
Keep wandering off. Well, guess what? Here's the answer.
It snaps on the collar, no muss and no mess,
Then it tells me their whereabouts with GPS.
It sends me a text if they wander too far.
It's 8 bucks a month on the old "Christmas card."
But it sends me a text if they stray from the yard!
POP Bluetooth, $49.99
These fancy new phones are some dazzling tech,
But talking like this? They're a pain in the neck.
The POP Bluetooth handset connects with no cords,
You'll love all the comfort and fun it affords.
There's much to be said for this older design,
Nostalgia, and color - and straightness of spine.
Monopoly Zapped Edition, $29.99
Monopoly's part of American lore,
Inspiring young realtors since 1904.
But now, to the shock of the gaming old guard,
For taxes or fines, you can pay with your card.
Monopoly Zapped is its newfangled name;
It uses your iPad to update the game.
Necomimi Brainwave Cat Ears, $99.99
When I wear these out, folks are somewhat agog.
They whisper, "He had too much spike in his nog."
You might think I'm hiding some elf puppeteers,
But no - these are actually brain-controlled ears.
They perk up for happy, and flop down for pain,
Supposedly triggered by waves from my brain.
It's random a bit, but I wear 'em, because
They get me more kisses than mistletoe does!
Today's ebook readers are marvels, I think.
They play movies, surf Web sites, and clean out your sink.
You might wind up payin' for more than you need.
May be all you're wanting to do is, well, read.
Behold the plain Kindle. It doesn't do much:
It doesn't light up, and it doesn't have touch.
But it's great. Leave all that to the wealthier schmucks.
What else brings such pleasure for 70 bucks?
Sound Oasis Sleep Therapy Pillow, $49.99
I've tried milk and cookies, I've tried counting sheep.
The night before Christmas, I never could sleep.
Then from Sound Oasis there came to our home
Flat stereo speakers inside of the foam.
Hooks up to your music source, easy as cake
And somehow, it don't keep the Mrs. awake.
So there's some ideas from your buddy, Saint Nick.
I hope that for your loved ones, they do the trick.
I'd wish you a white Christmas now, 'ere I fly,
But at this point, we're grateful to simply stay dry.
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