Conor Knighton: How I fake liking football

The flora and fauna at University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Ariz., cheer on the Detroit Lions during an NFL game against the Arizona Cardinals in this December 16, 2012 file photo. Christian Petersen/Getty Images

(CBS News) Millions of Americans will head off to Super Bowl parties later today, where they'll be expected to talk football for hours on end -- which poses a challenge for our contributor Conor Knighton:


This year's Super Bowl pits the 49ers (with their strong running game and first-year starter Colin Kaepernick) against the Ravens (who have been beating the spread in the post-season and have had success with their recently reorganized offensive line).

Did that sound convincing?

I hope so. Because in a few hours I'm off to a Super Bowl party, the one time every year I have to pretend I know something about football.

Until today, I couldn't name a player on either team. As a matter of fact, I wasn't actually positive the Ravens WERE a team.

I stopped following football in 8th grade, and I've been faking it at Super Bowl parties ever since.

I mean, I know how many points you get for a field goal, I know what a first down is, but let's just say that while I never miss an episode of CBS "Sunday Morning," I'm typically not in front of the TV when Sunday AFTERNOON rolls around.

It just takes so much TIME to be a football fan. Even if I only watched Ravens games this year, that would be over 50 hours of my LIFE. I'd rather spend that time doing something productive.

Like watching every James Bond movie ever made. Or all five seasons of "Breaking Bad." Or that YouTube video of that guy trying to jump into an ice pool over and over again -- that one is great!

OK, maybe I'm not THAT productive.

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But I just CAN'T get into watching football. I'm probably one of the few guys my age who's never even played Madden. And fantasy football? That sounds like my nightmare.

But as a red-blooded heterosexual American man, it's hard for me to admit that. So, for one game a year, I sit on the couch and pretend to be one of guys.

It's not that bad. The commercials are pretty good.

But for the other 266 games of the season? I think I'll pass. Just like, uhm, "Joe Flacco did for eight touchdowns in the post season."

OK. Wish me luck!

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