Andy Rooney: Happy New Year, Maybe!

Andy Rooney Resolves Not To Try To Get Ahead With Anything

The idea of the year 2010 doesn't do much to me. It seems like a nice, even round number. But those of us who hate New Year's Eve and the necessity it brings with it to have fun are looking forward to New Year's Day, when New Years Eve will finally be over.

For years I've been fighting a losing battle to make Sept. 1 New Years Day, but no one will listen to me on that. If we had changed the date on which the new year starts, August 31 would be the most sensible New Year's Eve. And we wouldn't be faced with this unpleasantness this Thursday night.

I always go to a very nice party but I don't even like nice parties on New Year's Eve. I just want to be alone that night feeling miserable about all the things I didn't get done in the year past and all the hard jobs I have ahead of me in the next year.

Every year I try to jot down some resolutions. I have some more this year.

I'm not going to stop eating coffee ice cream four times a week. I always have and always will.

I'm not going to start smoking cigarettes this year. This is the best kind of resolution for me. I've never smoked cigarettes and I have no intention of starting. Coughing….

I'm not going to exercise. I joined the YMCA several years ago so I belong but I don't go there and exercise, I just belong.

For the first time I resolve not to try to get ahead with anything. I never have gotten ahead and I see no reason to change now.

So happy New Year, almost everyone. If you drink New Year's eve, don't drive and if you drive and drink, don't do it near me!


Written by Andy Rooney
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