Based on my service as a father of two adult daughters and three granddaughters, here's my guide to a successful Father's Day.
One: Avoid jokes. I've never known a child, teenager, young adult or adult who ever laughed at anything ever said by a parent.
Babies love to be tickled, but happy results from parental comedy pretty much stop there.
Two: Do not sing, even to the grandchildren. The parents have already convinced them that you cannot carry a tune.
Three: Do not, under any circumstances, use the Father's Day lunch to reveal you may try out for "Dancing With the Stars."
Four: Avoid all mention of illness, especially dental and digestive problems. Senior problems are of no interest to Juniors.
Five: Offer no advice unless asked on anything, especially affairs of the heart, which obviously no parent has ever had any experience with.
Six: Pick up the check. They really like that! Besides, the waiter always gives it to the oldest guy at the table anyway.
If you will follow these rules you'll probably get a nice tie today. Maybe even a hug, which makes it all worth it . . .
. . . even that part about having to pass on "Dancing with the Stars."