Opinion: Modern Times - Stories

'Dear Mr. President'
'Madness' Is Good For Us
'The State Of The Column' Column
'Tis The Tip Season
A Basketball Fan's Nirvana
A Device To Help You Break The Law
A Device To Help You Break The Law
A Guaranteed Way To Lose Pounds And Inches
A Guaranteed Way To Lose Pounds And Inches
A Kibosh On Complaining
A Major Beef With "Minor Surgery"
A Major Beef With "Minor Surgery"
A Margin Of Error
A Nation Of New Yorkers
A Political Dead Duck
A Real Head For Advertising
A Real Sucker
A Sorry State Of Affairs
A Thirst For E-Mail Etiquette
A Year Older, Much Deeper In Debt
Admin Ari Meet Baghdad Bob
After-Words
After-Words
Alternative Torture
America's Big Hang-Up
Amusement Park Diplomacy
And A Digital New Year To All
And A Merry New Year
And A Side Order Of Tax Breaks, Please
Are We Raising A Nation Of Wimps?
Are You Tired Of This Campaign, Too?
Are You Tired Of This Campaign, Too?
Back to School ? We Hope
Bad (Standard) Timing
Bad Fences Make Bad Neighbors
Bad Fences Make Bad Neighbors
Bad News Is Big News
Be Your Own Big Brother
Bed And Breakfast Bewilderment
Being Fat And Fit?
Being No. 1 Is Over-Rated
Below The Belt
Betsy Ross Would Be So Proud
Boomers' Aging Anxiety
Borat: Offensive, Funny, Or Both?
Breasts That Aren't A Bust
Breathing Easier
Bullets And Blankies
Bush Must Be Shocked: He's The Leaker
Calendars, Campaigning And Calumny
Camp Earn-A-Buck
Can The Democrats Be Winners?
Candidates Preaching To The Choir
Caught Napping?
Check Out These Briefs
Cheney: The Fourth Branch?
Clean Getaway For Holiday Shoppers
College Kids: They're Ba'aaack
Color Code Confusion
Count Me Out For 2004
Credit Card Blues
Credit Card Blues
Crowds And Carbohydrates
CSI: Dogs And Cats
CSI: Dogs And Cats
Cut Those Billionaires Some Slack
Daylight No-Savings Time
Dearest (Insert Name Here) ...
Deep Throat Disappointment
Do You Like Pets Better Than People?
Do You Like Pets Better Than People?
Don't Take My House!
Driving Around In Circles
Drop The Smirk, Part The Hair
Drug Testing, Baseball & Politics
Ducks, Sponges, And Politics
Early Primaries: What's The Rush?
Early Primaries: What's The Rush?
Eavesdropping: Beyond Bad Manners
Election Dysfunction
Elizabeth II And George II
Email Etiquette And Rules
Embracing Liberals
Empty Threats?
Enough To Make A Crooked CEO Blush
Enron -- Not Very Sporting
Enron Reveals Startling Figures
Evolution Of A 'Theory'
Faking It
Feeding America
Field Of Screams On Capitol Hill
Final Four Jitters
Final Four Oddities
Flipping The Bird At America's Symbol
Fly The Nice Skies
Fly With A Smile — And Nothing Else
Follow The Porn
From Airplane Food To Amish TV
From Sex To Surgery
From Smokers To "Smoking Mad"
Gaining Weight? Blame Your Friends
Gaining Weight? Blame Your Friends
Garver Diary: Ready For The Final Four
Garver Readers Have Their Say
Garver's April Mailbag
Garver: 'I Hear You'
Garver: I'm Ready To Be Sentenced
Gary Coleman Backs Bush!
Get An Earring, Join The Lawsuit
Get Fatter, Live Longer?
Giving Forgetfulness A Bad Name
Giving Forgetfulness A Bad Name
Giving Parenting A Shot
Grading The War On A Curve
Guess Who's Coming To Dinner
Gumgate
Happy (Adult) Campers
Harriet's Answers
Harry Potter & The Continuous Exploitation
Harry Potter & The Continuous Exploitation
High School Reunion Tips
Holiday Spirit Run Amok
Hollywood Wants You
Holy Holograms!
How Do You Spell SAT?
How To Get More People To Vote
How To Get More People To Vote
How To Win The Lottery
I Just Want A Phone That's A Phone
I Miss The Pasta, Not The Plumbing
I'll Have A Clone-Burger With Hybrid Fries
I'll Have A Clone-Burger With Hybrid Fries
I'm So Glad I'm Not Pregnant Now
I'm So Glad I'm Not Pregnant Now
If They Advertise It, We Will Buy
In D.C., 'We Don't Know Jack'
In Praise Of Grumpiness
In Praise Of Solitude
In Praise Of Wishy-Washiness
In Praise Of Wishy-Washiness
In Search Of Cool
Inaugural Extravagance?
Indigestion At 30,000 Feet
Intolerance A Family Value?
Is 60 The New 40 Or Is 40 The New 60?
Is 60 The New 40 Or Is 40 The New 60?
Is Grandma Un-American?
Is It Four Years Already?
Is It Four Years Already?
It Should've Been More Decisive
It's Over For The Yankees
It's Time To Graduate
Joe Biden Does Something Heroic
Just Call Back
Just Cloning Around
Just Say 'Yes' To Dinner
Just Say What You Mean
Kansas Seizes Title In A Game To Remember
Knitting, Purling And Scratching
Lawyer Tried To Take Them To The Cleaners
Lawyer Tried To Take Them To The Cleaners
Leave The Amish Alone
Leaving 'Disney On The Potomac'
Let Sleeping Lawyers Plea
Let The Games Begin
Let's Keep Pluto In The Family
Listen To The Children
Live Long And Procrastinate
Lose Weight, Get Rich Reading E-Mail
Martha's Dilemma
Maybe Sports Should Investigate Politics
Men: Want More Sex? Do The Laundry!
Men: Want More Sex? Do The Laundry!
Missing In Inaction
Modern Times: The Swimsuit Issue
Must Everyone Speak English?
My (Almost) Evening With Bill Clinton
My (Almost) Evening With Bill Clinton
My First $3.00 A Gallon Fill-Up
NCAA Final Four Update: Friday Night Fever
NCAA Final Four: They're Just Kids
NCAA Finals Final Diary Entry, Finally
NCAA: Goliath Vs Goliath
New Car Hell
New Hampshire, Join The Rest Of Us
New Hampshire, Join The Rest Of Us
New Immigration Law Is Alien To Logic
New Year's Resolutions For Other People
New Year's Resolutions For Other People
No Extra Charge For UFOs And Aliens
No Fear On The Links
No Longer Just Child's Play
No Longer Just Child's Play
No More Sensationalism!
No More Lawsuits
No More Lawsuits
No More Terrorism - Wanna Bet?
No Quick Pass To Security
Non-Food Nonsense
Non-Retirement Plans
Not A Weak Week For News
Not Coming Soon To A Screen Near You
Not Coming Soon To A Screen Near You
Not So Silent Movies
One Confused Male Feminist
Online Shopping: The New Humbug?
Online Shopping: The New Humbug?
Oscars' Hidden Health Hazards
Our Man Goes To Hoops Heaven
Our Man Tests The Water
Outsourcing Gone Wild
Outsourcing Gone Wild
Overdosing On 'The Da Vinci Code'
Owe The IRS? No Problem!
Owe The IRS? No Problem!
Pardon Libby? Pardon Me!
Pardon Libby? Pardon Me!
Parents, Iraq And Worry
Paris On Two Prozacs A Day
Patients For Sale
Politics, Lies And Audiotapes
Postage Stamps Get Personal
Praying For Pay, Paying For Prayer
Presidents Do It; Why Not You?
Profiling Is Not The Best Angle
Put The 'Sin' Back Into Sin City
Radio Has Gone To The Dogs
Raise Your Hand If It's Cheating
Read 2005's Headlines Now
Readers Rail, Wail, E-Mail
Ready For Your Close-Up, Senator
Real Election Reform Is In The Cards
Real Magical Tale Behind Harry
Real Money From Virtual Reality
Reality Or Racist TV?
Recall This Recall
Reining In College Admissions
Relaxation Makes Me Nervous
Resting Up For The Next Olympics
Ring-A-Ding What?
Rogue Preschoolers?
Romance On The Web
Save Marriages: Abolish The 'Swatch'
See J.Lo And Ben Run
Seeing Red On New Greenbacks
Seeing Through The Smoke
Seeing Through The Smoke
Semper Cute And Perky?
Sex Rescues Politics Again
Sex, Drugs, And Congress
Sex, Violence, And Passing The Buck
Sexy Calendars: A Grave Business?
Sexy Calendars: A Grave Business?
Sexy? That's A Laugh!
Silver Bullets, Tarnished Excuses
Slobs Make Better Lovers
So Crazy It Just Might Work
So Crazy It Just Might Work
Something You're Dying To Write
Speak English Or Else?
Spelling Still Kounts
Still Tricky
Supreme Court Jesters
Supreme Justice
Survivor: The Home Version
Take That, OPEC!
Taking 'Intelligence' Out Of 'CIA'
Talking Dirty In Congress
Taxation Without Procrastination
The April "Mailblog"
The April "Mailblog"
The Baggy Pants And Sports Bra Epidemic
The Baggy Pants And Sports Bra Epidemic
The Big Sting
The British Are Coming!
The British Are Coming!
The Cadillac Of Columns?
The Debate Game
The Devil Made Me Do It
The Fat And Smoke Conglomerates
The FBI Wants You
The Fighting Pacifists
The First Lady, The TV Show
The Flag, The Code, The Leak And More
The French, Our Election, And Sex
The Garver Poll
The Holiday Letter
The In-Box Is Full
The Indefinitive Election Poll
The Kosher Peace Plan
The Latest Wrinkle On Staying Young
The Mother Of All Debates
The Naked Truth About Politics
The Political Olympics
The Republicans Really Won
The Right Choyce For Dems' V.P.
The Shortest Presidency
The Trouble With Tall People
Theory Of Relatives
There She Was, Miss America
These Writers Don't Monkey Around
They're Still Heroes
This Town Wasn't For Sale
TIPtoeing Around New York
To Italy, With Amore
To Protect And Slime
To Russia, With Love?
Today's Polling Place: The TV Set
Today's Polling Place: The TV Set
Too Much Information
Triple-Seven Couples: Lucky In Love?
Trumping Trump
Truth Or Consequences
Try To Laugh A Little
Try To Laugh A Little
Turning Down The President
TV Justice Has Changed
Two Johns, No Waiting
Unfortunately, We Can Hear You Now
Unreal Real Estate
Viagra, Breasts & Your House
Virtual Sex, Real Problems?
Virtual Sex, Real Problems?
Wake Up And Go To Sleep
Way Off Target
What America Really Thinks
What Do We Tell The Children?
What Empty Nest?
What Is This Column About?
What Is This Column About?
What Our Leaders Are Really Like
What's The Rush For Holidays?
Whatever Happened To 'Good Morning'?
When All A's Isn't Good Enough
Whistle-Blowing On Whistle-Blowers
Who Cares About The Environment?
Who Cares About The Environment?
Who Deserves An Asterisk?
Who Endorses The Endorsers?
Who Endorses The Endorsers?
Who Is Harriet Miers?
Who's Listening To Those Free Calls?
Who's Listening To Those Free Calls?
Why Do We Lie To Our Doctors?
Why Iowa?
Why Iowa?
Why Is Everyone So Angry?
Why Is Everyone So Angry?
Why Marry Scott Peterson?
Will New Citizens Meet The Test?
Will New Citizens Meet The Test?
Will You Vote For A Nerd For President?
Will You Vote For A Nerd For President?
Wish We Could Trust Them
Worrying About Not Worrying
Year-End Wrap-Up
You Can't Make This Stuff Up
You Don't Look A Day Over 900
You Don't Look A Day Over 900
You're My Two And Only
Your Checklist Of Football Cliches
Your Vote Counts Here