'The Early Show' Offers Up The Most Depressing Office Party Tips In History
First of all, know this: The holiday party is not – NOT! – for having fun. "The goal is getting a little face time with the big boss," says etiquette expert Jodi R.R. Smith. You shouldn't talk shop, she says, but you should go in with a plan as to what to say. So how do you find out what the big boss might be interested in? Simple: A little cyber-stalking! Says Smith: "Nowadays, there's no excuse for people not knowing information about the boss, because you can Google anybody and get good information."
Also, if your spouse is too ugly, or lacks the social graces to navigate the hors d'oeuvres table, leave that dead weight at home. "If you're concerned about how he or she might make you look, then there's another tip: Consider going alone. Take an honest but loving look at your significant other and decide whether that person is really going to be helpful to you," says Smith.
More advice: Let's say you need to go to the bathroom. Don't admit it! Bathrooms are no place for professionals. Saying you have to head for the head is simply not "a professional image to project." And for heaven's sake, never say you're going to the bar, "because you run the risk of appearing to be an alcoholic." (Don't worry about the fact that this means you won't be able to drink – according to Smith, you should barely be drinking anyway.)
Should you screw all this up and "end up playing the party fool anyway," Smith has one last easy tip: Look for a new job! "Get out while you still have your dignity," she says. "Or what's left of it."
So there you have it: At this year's company party, don't drink, cyber-stalk and suck up to the boss, avoid the bathroom, and make sure your significant other is nowhere to be found, as the presence of that cretin could undermine all of your hard work and bladder control.
Oh, and have a great time!