Comments on: "Horrors" Found In Tween, Teen Dating

Survey Uncovers Significant Levels Of Physical, Verbal Abuse; Sex At Young Ages; Many Parents In The Dark

[texanforlogi]

Posted by weeza3 at 12:02 PM : Jul 08, 2008


I am so sorry for your loss--your grief must be well-nigh unbearable. R.I.P. weeza3''s daughter.

[texanforlogi]

I agree that the way too many parents are raising (or NOT raising) their kids is horrific. I''m stunned by how parents can "helicopter" while paying no real attention to their kids and how the parents seem bound and determined to prevent their kids from accepting any personal responsiblity.

But one thing folks may be missing is that having a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" at 12, 13, etc. does not necessarily mean dating. I had a "boyfriend" at that age--it meant that he carried my books, we held hands if no adults were around, and I could look forward to candy on Valentine''s Day. Merely having a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" isn''t the problem--it''s what they are allowed to do with them that is.

[ccdsswrkr08]

Also kids SOMETIMES, more often than not, are refelctions of their parents...if you do something around them, expect them to do it too


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Posted by lilpeach8 at 12:39 PM : Jul 08, 2008

Good point!

[ccdsswrkr08]

''I think the whole problem is that parents don''''t parent like mine did. ''

Posted by Element51 at 12:21 PM : Jul 08, 2008

Unfortunatly, Parents these days don''t PARENT. That is the problem. They wanna be their kids best friend, and be the cool mom and dad and all this psycho bable bull.

[lilpeach8]

It is evident that there is so much abuse going on today, but people need to be proactive in changing that. We can''t just complain about it and expect it to get better.

Parents may need to pay more attention to what their kids are doing, whether from a single parent home or not, listen to the music they are surrounded with. Rap music is very prevalent and most of it is about beating a girl or treating them like wasted garbage...these artists are idolized by some teens so they want to be like them!

And if your 11 year old is dating, there is a big problem!! If you don''t think your young child will do anything bad or that they dont know certain things, think again. I have seen several pregnant 11 year olds and they know more than you think. Its very sad to see it. But trust me it has happened.

Also kids SOMETIMES, more often than not, are refelctions of their parents...if you do something around them, expect them to do it too

[weeza3]

because awareness can lead to prevention, i shared my story. i will also share this..my daughter didn''t date until she was 17, she was a good student and an accomplished athlete. she was a little older than a teen when she died, but she was still a baby. she was my baby. she had been 21 for one week when she was murdered and the murderer was 20.

what happened with my daughter, as we found out after she was murdered, is that the kid who killed her had threatened to kill her family ...her mother, her father, her grandmother, if she left him. so, because she was naive and inexperienced, she didn''t tell us ( her parents ) and then she became afraid of him and he started hitting her and she did break up with him after he became physically violent. she did tell her friends and they didn''t tell us, either. so, if there are any kids out there reading this and you have a friend who is being abused, whether verbally, emotionally, or physically, tell someone...anyone. it could save your friends life.

I completely concur with Element51, kids these days do not know the true meaning of respecting their elders.

I grew up with a single mom and one sister. I was taught at a very early age how to treat a woman. Yes I agree that most boys growing up with a single mom aren''t taught well. In the sixties and seventies when I grew up, it was almost mandatory to smack your child in public when they are being unruly. God forbid that happening now. 100 people will call 911 if they see something like that happening. As for the verbal abuse, heck..that''s been going on for centuries. "Sticks and Stones"...anyone remember that? If you can''t handle someone picking on you verbally, then you better crawl in a cave and live by yourself. So many people these days are pansies and can''t take it....our society is churning out wimps who will cry when someone calls them names. I see on this article where physical abuse is happening. That of course is handled a different way. If I see my daughter act as if she is being abused, I will get to the bottom of it. The parents of the boy will be confronted, and if nothing can be done civilly, then more forceful actions will have to take place.

[element51]

I''m an old man now,63, but I was one of the lucky ones. My parents, from my earliest memory, EXPECTED certain things of me. They took an interest in my life and were involved in every aspect of my life. We always had dinner together, no tv, and my parents would question me about what I had done in school that day. There was time set aside for homework with no distractions each day. If there was no homework there were always books that my parents picked for me to read. I respected my parents and was devastated if I thought I had let them down. I raised my boys the same way. I was always honest with them and we were able to talk about anything. They knew what it meant to respect girls and that there was a code of conduct that they were expected to live by. I think the whole problem is that parents don''t parent like mine did. As to spanking, I never believed that using violence to illustrate a point was the best way. If your kids are taught respect, spanking is not necessary. Many people do not realize that parenting is a full time job and not an easy one. More education might help kids realize that life is not a game. It would be good if our educators developed school programs that delt with real life. I don''t have the answers but there is no reason that we as parents can''t improve the situation.

[stormy3808-2009]

I think everyone is missing the point of the article. Yes parents do need to be involved in children''s lives, but the point is that our children are dealing with situations they are far to young to deal with. They are being beaten, called names, coerced into doing things, and raped by a partner at the young age of 14. The problem isn''t only with the parents. It lies in a society that forces people to be silent about abuse. We all have to take a stand against what is happening to kids. The first thing that needs help is laws around dating violence. Not only are they being abused, but few states have laws to protect them.

[stormy3808-2009]

I think everyone is missing the point of the article. Yes parents do need to be involved in children''s lives, but the point is that our children are dealing with situations they are far to young to deal with. They are being beaten, called names, coerced into doing things, and raped by a partner at the young age of 14. The problem isn''t only with the parents. It lies in a society that forces people to be silent about abuse. We all have to take a stand against what is happening to kids. The first thing that needs help is laws around dating violence. Not only are they being abused, but few states have laws to protect them.

Respect is a two-way street. Teaching your kids to say "Yes, sir" is not teaching respect. You have to show respect in the way you treat them and others, and you have to point out to them when they are being disrespectful, because they have so many bad role models in media and peers, and even adults.

Standing up for oneself is not necessarily disrespectful, but the two are often confused. People need to stand up for themselves, and they need to treat others with respect.

[stormy3808-2009]

I think everyone is missing the point of the article. Yes parents do need to be involved in children''s lives, but the point is that our children are dealing with situations they are far to young to deal with. They are being beaten, called names, coerced into doing things, and raped by a partner at the young age of 14. The problem isn''t only with the parents. It lies in a society that forces people to be silent about abuse. We all have to take a stand against what is happening to kids. The first thing that needs help is laws around dating violence. Not only are they being abused, but few states have laws to protect them.

[stormy3808-2009]

I think everyone is missing the point of the article. Yes parents do need to be involved in children''s lives, but the point is that our children are dealing with situations they are far to young to deal with. They are being beaten, called names, coerced into doing things, and raped by a partner at the young age of 14. The problem isn''t only with the parents. It lies in a society that forces people to be silent about abuse. We all have to take a stand against what is happening to kids. The first thing that needs help is laws around dating violence. Not only are they being abused, but few states have laws to protect them.

[weeza3]

globlwarming...it is news because awareness is knowledge and knowledge is prevention. if my daughter had been aware of and recognized the signs of a sociopathic personality she might still be alive. she was young and naive. she was shot and killed by a kid she broke up with. his father was a doctor and spoiled him rotten and never held him accountable for his actions or told him "no". as a doctor he should have been aware of the signs of a troubled child, but instead he bought him a gun " for protection". what kind of sorry excuse for a parent buys their kid a gun? wouldn''t any decent parent want to know what the kid was involved in that required him to have "protection"???!!!!

we live in a society of unaccountability and the problem isn''t just bad parenting, it is non-parenting and there are just as many, and possibly more, parents out there with the same drug and alcohol problems as their children.

so, anything that raises awareness and that can, hopefully, prevent tragedy is most definitely news.

the kid that killed my daughter turned the gun on himself and killed himself, too.
so, the kids father has wake up every morning (if he can sleep at night) knowing his son killed a young lady who was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside with a gun he bought for him. the father and mother also have to know the little b*stard is burning in hell and will for eternity. that''s a long time.

[ltxndvh]

globlwarning & mnmaid, maybe it''s so prevelant that you don''t call it "News" but kids stalking, hitting, slapping, and kicking their girlfriends/boyfriends, texting them 100 times a day demanding to know where they are and who they are with - this is something that parents don''t realize is happening. It''s "News" to most of them!

[lovemy3boys]

My parents'' style was "you''ll do as your told while you live under our roof". If you don''t like it, move out! I have 3 boys and they can get unruly...as a parent today you''re pulled...on one hand, your first instinct is to beat their butts when they act up, but then you realize you''re in public and can''t do that for fear of being turned in, so you try to be firm and the kids know you can''t do anything in public.

I remember once my younger sister mouthed off to my mom in the grocery store and my mom popped her a good one on the behind (embarrassed her)...people were looking at my mom and my mom said, "if you think you can raise her better, take her home with you." Noone said anymore. It was classic!

I do think children need more discipline and not get "free reign" but kids figure out really quick how to get what they want (esp in public). I don''t think any kids should EVER date (boy or girl) before they are 16.

As for boys, they learn how to treat women by watching how their fathers treat their mothers. Of course, 50% of households don''t even have a father so how''s a young man supposed to have a role model these days?

When the family is broken, it affects other parts of society...we need to do a better job of teaching men/boys to take responsibility for their children and be a good role model. Girls need their daddies too. Studies have shown how important a male role model is in a family.

[mswolfestock]

I think differnet hit the nail on the head when he used the phrase "Free-Range Parenting" to describe how kids are treated today. Most "parents" are cowards, and they want to be their kids'' friend, they want their kids to like them. Forget about the kids having RESPECT for the parents or any other authority. Forget about the kids being kids, forget about rules, boundaries, and respect.

These are the same kind of "parents" who can''t understand why American prisons are bulging at the seams.

This reminds me of a country song by David Allen Coe -

"I TURNED TWENTY-ONE IN PRISON DOING LIFE WITHOUT PAROLE . . . . ."

Millions of kids will go down this sorry path, and the only ones to blame are the idiots who should have used birth control. Kids going wild are the result of idiots breeding without a brain, which should be illegal. I mean, you need a license, training, certification, etc to do EVERYTHING ELSE in this society. It''s high time we did something to prevent the birth of throw-away kids.

[jboxton]

differnet-You represent the other end of the spectrum that is just as silly as little kids dating. Come on. 7 stations on a regular antennae? Let me guess. Your girls all wear long flower skirts and bonnets. Your outdated Brady Bunch style of parenting is absurd. I am willing to bet that you are from the midwest.

[ltxndvh]

The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline provides information and help for teens, parents and concerned adults around healthy dating and abusive dating behavior. This service is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year at 866-331-9474 (TTY 866-331-8453) and via online chat at LoveIsRespect.org.