Comments on: freeSpeech: Lori Leibovich

Mother Speaks About Pressures To Breastfeed

[jakesmom05]

I commend Lori Leibovich for speaking on on this important topic. I am the mom of a 20 month old son, and one on the way. I pumped for 7 months (after attempts at breastfeeding unsuccessfully). I was excited to breastfeed, but had horrible problems, latching on, inverted nipples, pumping blood, leaking through shirts (Shall I go on?) I thought breastfeeding would be easy, as the books and videos showed the baby going right toward the breast. This is the biggest myth of my life! Nobody talks about it, until I heard Lori's comments. If breastfeeding comes easy for you, then why not breastfeed your child. But, don't judge or preach to others if they don't. There is a large population that has trouble breastfeeding. You wouldn't mock a handicap person for not walking a straight line, would you? Then, don't mock mothers who can't breastfeed? We all want to do it, but some of us don't have the capability to do so. So, pumping worked for me for 7 months. If my son chose the nipple on the bottle, so be it. He still drank my milk. He certainly is more beautiful and smart than many babies who had the breast. Also, once a child starts lifting up your shirt by himself...it's time to stop breastfeeding! Where's the reseach on that?

[mrsb27]

Mimip5~ There is a BIG difference between passing on helpful info and encouraging a woman (to either try to to continue) and telling a woman, "You're selfish. How can you not give your baby the very best. Your excuses are a cop-out. You're feeding your baby poison."

No, I don't consider receiving a free sample of anything as "pushing a choice". If you don't want it, don't use it.

I also don't think it's ok or acceptable to attack a woman for BF'ing or talking about it. Or for attacking a woman who is discreetly BF'ing in public. NEITHER side should be attacked.

It's not necessarily wrong to ask a woman if she is or is going to BF (though it's none of anyone else's business). Asking for the sake of conversation..fine. Or offering advice, "You're experiencing pain? This is what I tried...maybe it will work for you."...fine. Asking and then harping on her or insulting her if she says "no"...not fine.

Is it ok for a woman to say "You're BF'ing? I was never comfortable with that/it didn't work for me"...sure. It is ok for a woman to say, "You're BF'ing? You're crazy. I can't imagine why any woman would want to have a baby attached to their breast all day"...not even a bit.

As for the "formula is dangerous and can kill"...lol. IMO, that is EXTREME thinking. Though apparently bagged spinach is dangerous and can kill too...who woulda thunk it.

[mimip5]

MrsB27- How is trying to problem solve to help another women overcome breastfeeding difficulties acting "holier than thou" and "sticking their noses in"? How is stating facts "pushing a parenting 'choice'"?

Do you have an issue with people that critisize breastfeeding mothers by calling them "militant", "holier than thou", or "guilt-inducing"? This happens to some women just for breastfeeding in public.

And, FYI, formula is dangerous and can kill. Formula is often recalled, as in the case of those recent batches of Similac. This article explains all the different factors well.

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/1999/07/19/formula/

[mimip5]

Do you think handing out free samples of formula in the hospital is "pushing a choice"?
Why is it okay to attack a breastfeeding mother for breastfeeding or even talking about it yet you can't so much as even ask a mom if she is breastfeeding, or ask if she tried XY or Z to end her BF difficulties without being accused of "pushing" a choice?

This doesn't come up with any other bodily function- BF isn't an enrichment activity, it is a basic human function. When you go to your doctor for a physical does s/he say, "So, have you decided if you're going to use that insulin your body is producing? I can give you some medication to stop your body's production of it and replace it with convienent daily injections." No, of course not. But if your body was having difficulty regulating blood sugar your doctor might first suggest diet and lifestyle changes. If there was no improvement your doctor would suggest blood sugar monitoring and insulin injections. Whould you accuse someone of "pushing a lifestyle choice" on you if they suggested something that might help with your diabetes?

How about a bladder infection? If you developed a UTI would you say, "Well I gave that urinating thing a good try now I think I'll have a permanent catheter put in."? I don't think so. What if your friend said, "Have you tried drinking cranberry juice or a yeast-free diet?"? Would you accuse them of being "holier than thou" because they are able to urinate w/o getting a UTI?

[mrsb27]

After getting a good night's sleep, I'm calmer than I was after reading many of the comments last night and posting my own...lol.

However, I can't help but to laugh and roll my eyes at the continuous "holier than thou" comments made by so many BF'ing moms.

As much as breast is best and formula isn't as good...I also don't believe that formula isn't as bad as some would like to believe. "Formula can kill a baby"...sure, if the can is contaminated.

I just can't believe how much some women think they have the right to stick their noses in other people's lives.

Again, I am very pro-BF. However, I just can't grasp the concept of pushing MY parenting choices on other women.

I think the attitude of some BF'ing moms towards those who at least TRIED but couldn't stick w/it (for whatever reason) is really unfair and so incredibly judgemental. "I don't buy it.." Well, who cares? There's nothing for you to buy. Are women are expected to prove themselves to you? lol

I believe that those who are so strongly against formula should just smile, be happy w/their choices and mind their own business. ;o)

[eleakd]

I hope that everyone who is reading this takes the time to educate herself (or himself) on breastfeeding. There is a lot of miss information given on this topic. I don't even know where to start.
First, I do breastfeed and yes, it is one of the hardest things I've ever done. The first 8 weeks were draining but frankly, they are for every new mother. I felt guilty also but didn't quit b/c I knew it was best. A parents job it to do what is best for our children despite our selfish needs. Breastfeeding gets easier. Pumping alone is another difficult aspect of breastfeeding. But is it worth it? Isn't it always worth it to do what is best for your child?
I have no empathy for someone who states they felt pressure to breastfeed. They are the minority. The pressure to formula feed is everywhere, such as television, magazines, friends, doctors, etc. ..even this very site. The majority of women do not continue to breastfeed after 2-3 months.
I also find the comment that women can't breastfeed hard to swallow. There are women out there who have never given birth to a child yet are making efforts to breastfeed their adopted children.
Lastly, breast cancer is not contagious! It cannot be passed through the mother's milk. Once again, everyone needs to educate themselves about breastfeeding and find support if you choose to breastfeed your child.

[vickys67cuda]

7 years ago this November, my daughter had her 1st child. She was going to breastfeed. The pediatriation strongly believed in breastfeeding. He would not even allow a pacifier. Her milk had not come in before leaving the hospital, but he insisted no formula or pacifier as the baby would become 'nipple confused'. I respected my daugher's wishes. After 2 days at home, she called me at 6am crying uncontrollably, the baby had been crying a long time, he was hunger, she could hear his belly growling, and her milk had still not come in. I stepped in, sent Dad to buy formula and I fed the baby. At 4 week check-up the Doctor asked how he was on breastmilk, to which he was informed formula only. He replied the 'nipple confused' word again, and I wanted to punch him because her milk 'NEVER' came in. What did he expect--air only to sustain life? Shortly thereafter on Law and Order they used this same story line where a baby died because this young mother did what the pediatrician said--breastfeed and nipple confused--and I could see where if I had not stepped in, my daughter was just nieve enough to have faith in the doctor. They are not always right. With her second child, she did breastfeed for about 2 weeks (same pediatrician) but switched to formula because the 3 year had no time with her because she felt like she was sitting around all day with her breast exposed. And she is a great mom. And she got a new pediatrician.

[robotip]

I already posted a message stating that my acid reflux baby did a lot better on special formula (Neocate) than on breastmilk. Then Midmimom suggested that my doctor should have recommended medications so that my child could continue to be breastfed. I wish that it could have been that simple, however, my child's digestive problems are pretty severe and traditional remedies haven't worked for him. He has seen 4 gastroenterologists and continues to have reflux problems at 2 years old. My husband and I did try several medications on my son (even though I hated the idea of giving my child drugs), including Zantac, Prevacid, Nexium, and Axid. They did not help. We also tried homeopathic remedies, every home remedy you can think of and we tried the traditional "lifestyle" changes such as lifting the head of the bed 30 degrees. I can assure everyone that I have tried EVERYTHING to help my son with his reflux. As for breastfeeding, I tried one breast at a time, timed feedings, untimed feedings, pumping and then giving in a bottle, elimination diets, pumping foremilk out first and then giving him hindmilk only, etc., etc. In addition, I carried my baby in a Baby Bjorn almost 24 hours a day. Nothing worked to ease my baby's discomfort, except for the formula. I'm not saying that Neocate cured him; I'm just saying that it made him more comfortable. He still cried in pain, he still had reflux, but he did not cry for HOURS at a time like he did on breastmilk.

[lesakt]

I'm a first time mom who struggled through five months of breastfeeding difficulties, including a lot of pain and family pressure to just give up and formula feed or pump. I did not give up, I sought the services of lactation specialists, worked through the issues one feeding at a time, and now enjoy a successful breastfeeding relationship with my 15 month old son.

I find this "don't guilt me into breastfeeding" argument to be very unproductive. Would a parent quit putting her child in a car seat because the baby didn't like it, or it just wasn't "working out"? A cultural change in attitudes and beliefs about child safety came about because medical professionals and the government "guilted" parents into putting their kids in child safety seats. They likewise "guilted" parents into putting babies to sleep on their backs, thus preventing many SIDS deaths. Breastfeeding is best and if people have to be "guilted" into accepting that fact, then so be it. We need a cultral shift to bring breastfeeding back into the norm. If guilt is the motivator that will allow moms to nurse their babies whenever they're hungry wherever they are without rude comments and dirty looks or a blanket over the baby's head then so be it.

[slackerinc1]

JennDogg23, do you also feel mothers should be able to make a "personal choice" to smoke or drink during pregnancy without being "made to feel guilty"? How about letting their kids ride in the car without car seats or seat belts? If those are "different", how so, exactly? In each case, it is taking a risk with the child's health and well being.