This is great advice. So many people, not just women men included, try to avoid being "too direct" or "too demanding" and end up not being assertive enough. The "I" message suggestion here is vital. It does 2 things the expert here probably didn't have time to mention.
First it is extremely difficult for someone to say no to a direct request from someone else so it gives an opportunity for a higher level commitment from the other person. The challenge here is "lip service" which we've all gotten. This is a "yes" with no follow through. Sometimes the "yes, with a lack of follow through" is just because really isn't a priority of the person making the commitment so they just never happen to get around to it, and sometimes, it is the person is just "yessing" us to to move on and not be bothered anymore and there really is no intention to follow through.
As the person making the request it behooves us to set accountabilities to next steps before leaving that conversation.
Secondly, the "I" statement shows ownership of the issue and leadership. How many times have you had someone "pass the buck" on a request, something like, "we need to do this because (our boss, the home office) is asking for it." This is weak communication, if you are asking someone for something take ownership of it. If it truly is coming from above and you need that for leverage, use it and add, "and I agree this is important to get on right away because...." This gives ownership to the person making the request and is strong, assertive language.
All great suggestions in this interview and I would like to offer anyone who would like to learn more about assertive, effective communication and the 7 biggest mistakes human beings make that kill the communication that kills the trust that kills the relationships we need to influence for maximum success to download the white paper report, "The 7 Deadliest Sins of Leadership & Workplace Communication: How Leaders & Employees Undermine Motivation, Morale and Trust in Work Environments" - it is available FREE at http://www.HowToImproveLeadershipCommunication.com
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First it is extremely difficult for someone to say no to a direct request from someone else so it gives an opportunity for a higher level commitment from the other person. The challenge here is "lip service" which we've all gotten. This is a "yes" with no follow through. Sometimes the "yes, with a lack of follow through" is just because really isn't a priority of the person making the commitment so they just never happen to get around to it, and sometimes, it is the person is just "yessing" us to to move on and not be bothered anymore and there really is no intention to follow through.
As the person making the request it behooves us to set accountabilities to next steps before leaving that conversation.
Secondly, the "I" statement shows ownership of the issue and leadership. How many times have you had someone "pass the buck" on a request, something like, "we need to do this because (our boss, the home office) is asking for it." This is weak communication, if you are asking someone for something take ownership of it. If it truly is coming from above and you need that for leverage, use it and add, "and I agree this is important to get on right away because...." This gives ownership to the person making the request and is strong, assertive language.
All great suggestions in this interview and I would like to offer anyone who would like to learn more about assertive, effective communication and the 7 biggest mistakes human beings make that kill the communication that kills the trust that kills the relationships we need to influence for maximum success to download the white paper report, "The 7 Deadliest Sins of Leadership & Workplace Communication: How Leaders & Employees Undermine Motivation, Morale and Trust in Work Environments" - it is available FREE at http://www.HowToImproveLeadershipCommunication.com