The 5 basic manners you need to know in business

photo courtesy of flickr slinky789 cc

I stand up when a lady arrives at or leaves a table. I know, that is nostalgic and even possibly risky as it might be perceived as sexist. However, it is one of a set of manners I was taught as a child that I still follow. Holding doors, taking hats off indoors, pulling out chairs and lowering voices all seem to be quaint throwback ideas that are dying rapid and unceremonious deaths.

Because of diversity training, political correctness and the changing mores of society, I think the clarity of what are considered to be "good manners" has become murky. The basic guideline of "treat others as you would wish to be treated" is less of the clear path to follow as individualism changes the interpretation.

Manners are still important and can be differentiating, often times in the negative. When you make a mistake, it sticks out and is memorable. For that reason, there are certain things that you must get right.

1. Use of names -- Get the names right. Phonetically write them down and make certain that anyone who is prospect or client facing knows their names. Spelling, correct titles and deciding whether to use a nickname or proper name are all on the "must-get-right" list. I have seen big sales blown up because of a repeated misspelling of a key player's name.

2. Confirm before you proceed -- Ensure that you have agreement at each step in a meeting, tour, phone call or visit and that all of the participants have their questions answered before going to the next set of ideas or concepts. Adults not only stop listening to you when they get stuck or are in disagreement with what has been put forth, they also begin building resentment towards the speaker who proceeds without clearing up the issue.

3. Declare your accountability and keep it -- At the end of each meeting, visit, or call. It is your responsibility to declare what comes next. It is rude to ask the typical question, "What are the next steps?" You asked for the meeting, now you need to be able to provide an encouraged path to follow.

4. Host well when you host -- If you are feeding your visitors, feed them well. Creature comforts including temperature, lighting, drinks and room conditions are all noted. In the better sales organizations, even when those companies are tiny, the handling of a visitor is handled like a guest at Sunday dinner. Even the little details can make the person feel honored and valued.

5. Be gracious as a guest -- Diana Ross may be able to pull of a diva routine, but you can't. Your goal is to be gracious for what you receive. I am amazed at the number of people who miss the most basic of "Please" and "Thank you" courtesy when support staff brings them water or provides help with the projector. Buyers notice and cast a broad net of perception as to what you and your company are like based upon how you handle the simple courtesies of interacting with support staff. Be gracious in every contact.

These manners probably seem like common sense. They are to the degree you get them right. They are deal killers when you get them wrong.

[Nyasha C]

I have had the misfortune of interacting with men who don't open doors or pull out chairs and it's quite unnerving!!

In Zimbabwe it is considered good business etiquette to address people as Mr and Mrs unless they request otherwise. The Miss vs. Ms option can be tricky... I prefer Miss, but regularly encounter people who refer to me as Ms, much to my chagrin!

[harvyk100]

On the use of names, I've always found people are very quick to point out the name they like to be called. Until that point in time I will use first names as to me that's respectful. It puts both parties on a even footing.

The use of Mr \ Mrs \ Ms etc elevates one party above the other. With limited exception I find being forced to use Title and Surname to be a very disrespectful thing, it's almost like a "I'm better than you" being thrust upon me.

[sundar1811]

Hi,

You have raised a few questions about gentlemanly behavior in the beginning of this post which are very relevant. Would you have a view point on those, which can guide correct behavior ? Esp, holding doors open, getting up etc. Thanks

[ycdbsoya]

The Internet--and comment sections such as this one--are the easiest place to lose one's manners. Just look.

Tom, thanks for the points in your article, and for demonstrating that courtesy is best noticed when it has been challenged.

[mzumtaylor]

I have never understood why some women think men holding the door for us (or pulling out a chair for, or standing up when we enter) sexist. It always seemed respectful, and a throwback to a more cultured time.

One area of "Rule 1: Use of Names" that I have always struggled with is how to address people who are older than me, or higher in rank than me. I am 28 years old and I was raised by hippies. The high school I went to insisted that we call all of our teachers by their first name. If someone handed out a rule book on how to address ones elders and betters, I never received it. I just wish I had had some simple guideline hammered into my head as a child so I didn't balk when trying to address people I've just met.

[Mini40100]

I haven't had the misfortune of meeting a woman who disliked having the door opened for her (nor do I know any men who have). From what you said about your age, my guess is your entourage is a bit immature.

As for how to address people, I opt for being more formal. You can never be too polite.

[deserthackberry]

I'm 48, and my rule of thumb is to use Mr/Ms Lastname, if I've been given it, for clients or those in authority, unless asked to use first name. On most jobs, though, my boss and co-workers have introduced themselves by first name only, so that's what I use. Here in Texas, people will often put "Miss" in front of my first name, especially if they're younger than me. It makes me want to giggle, but like you said about door-holding, I appreciate it as a sign of respect or even affection. I guess that's because my Dad always held the door for my sisters and I and my Mom.

[BUMA14]

Call me a stickler for protocol, call me old-fashioned, but proper grammar and spelling are equally important:
"Phonetically write them down ..."? I guess " Write them down phonetically...";
"At the end of each meeting, visit, or call. It is.." Comma, not period.
"Diana Ross may be able to pull of a diva routine.." that would be pull off a dive routine.
I rest my case.

[TomSearcy]

More than fair- thanks for the feedback.

btw...it is Diva, not dive...but your comments are solid.

[mzumtaylor]

What is a "dive routine"? That doesn't make any sense. Diana Ross is a diva. Divas (stereotypically) don't care who they offend and what demands they place on others. I think the author meant exactly what he wrote (in that instance).

[scmuntean]

Rule Number Six: PROOFREAD!! There are several typos and grammatical errors in this article, ironically. As a university professor, I find too many of my business students think (and some actually outright say) that writing doesn't matter. Wrong! A writer's character is judged poorly when a reader finds sloppiness in the details, while perfection in writing instills confidence in the writer's ability and work ethic.

[TomSearcy]

You are absolutely right. Thank you.

[Stevefoxy]

When I started at my land grant university it was mandatory that every freshmen take one semester of English 101. It occurs to me that every new hire as part of the orientation (no matter what age) shall be exposed, without apology, and authentically to all of these points and more. Thou shalt not ass-u-me family (Sunday dinner demeanor? Non-existent) or grade school will have ingrained the basics. It's all about dealing with bullies, not the majority of pupils (retro word too). Yay or nay?

[rtkidd]

Bravo! It's a shame they have to be repeated. Everyone should have these basics drilled into routine.

[Allan Kent]

I agree with all the points listed. People do notice good manners, and they especially notice bad manners. Regarding names, one thing I am always very careful with is to use their full name unless they tell me otherwise. It's fine if they introduce themselves by their shortened name, but if all you've got to go on is a letter head or business card I use the full version. For instance I'd never shorten Philip to Phil or Rosemary to Rose.

I think the other key one here is respecting the support people as you've mentioned. Although rarely decision makers, they are often key influencers, so for that reason alone should be treated properly. But, as you say, it costs nothing to be polite for politensess own sake. Once it becomes habit, it stays and becomes second nature.