The Costs When Caring for an Elderly Parent

(MoneyWatch) 

Earlier this week I wrote about the financial strain of caring for an ailing spouse. That got me thinking about the costs adult children may take on when they become caregivers for their parents. Is this yet another expense -- along with retirement and our own kids' college education -- we should all be budgeting for?

I decided to reach out to Gloria Barsamian, a social worker and author of Sustenance and Hope for Caregivers of Elderly Parents for her take on the issue.

Here's the bad news. Adult children can -- and often do -- spend thousands of dollars each year caring for their elderly parents. According to a study from the National Alliance for Caregiving, the average caregiver shells out more than $5,000 a year in out-of-pocket expenses. If you live far away, you'll end up forking over nearly $9,000 a year.

If you can afford to help out, that's great. I can't think of a better way to thank the person who spent 18 years caring for you. But all too often family members don't really have the extra cash to support a parent but feel obligated to find a way to do so anyway. As a result, 38 percent of caregivers reduce or stop spending for their own future and 34 percent defer major purchases or home improvements.

What should you do if you can't realistically afford to help Mom out? First, be honest with yourself and don't let guilt force you to spend money you don't have, says Barsamian. Instead, try giving more of your time directly to your parent and to researching programs that could assist your loved one.

Also, don't be afraid to talk about money with your parent, says Barsamian. Ask your mother or father if the two of you can sit down and sort through her or his finances together. You might actually find that Mom has more cash than she realizes. Or, that she qualifies for government programs that could help her out financially.

You can go to the National Council on Aging's Benefits Check Up web site to see what programs your parent may qualify for.

In my next post, I'll walk you through hidden caregiver costs you may encounter and some solutions from Barsamian on ways you can either avoid them or lessen the financial burden.

More on MoneyWatch:
Death in the Family: 12 Things to Do Now
8 Steps to Protect Your Family
12 Tough Questions to Ask Your Parents
Mothers Day Poem image by Mothers&Daughters, CC 2.0.