The number one skill

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(MoneyWatch) If there was just one thing you could improve upon that is guaranteed to make you more successful, would you do it? Well then listen up.

We mean it, really - listen up and listen better.

The better we listen, the more others appreciate us and, in return, the more they listen to us. By listening better, we learn more and misinterpret others less. It seems that some people are just naturally good listeners but the truth is listening is an acquired skill. One that, with any improvement, will yield great benefits.

Let's take a look at few of the barriers or bad habits that get in the way of effective listening. See which ones you might be guilty of. (We know which ones we're guilty of.)

So how did you do?

If not as well as you liked, here are a few things that you can do that will dramatically improve your listening skills.

Paying attention pays off - The first and most important thing you can do to improve your skill as a listener is to give the other person your undivided attention. In the words of Gandhi, "Wherever you are - Be there."

Listen with your voice - Say "no kidding", "um hmm", "go on", or by paraphrasing, which, by definition, is the act of restating or rewording what others say. Psychologists call this "Active Listening".

Say, "So what your saying is..." Or simply repeat the last thought the other person said. There is no better skill for effective listening then paraphrasing. If you've heard correctly, the other person will generally respond with an enthusiastic yes or nod. If you've heard it wrong, they'll know they need to clarify. Paraphrasing gives them the opportunity to restate what they said so accurate and meaningful communications take place.

Listen with your body - Lean forward, put your hands on your chin, or listen with open arms. When your body conveys a listening posture, others become more comfortable and open. If appropriate, take notes. In a business meeting, it shows your interest and helps you stay focused.

Nodding is also a key component of your listening posture. And smiling. Smiles are contagious and make others feel comfortable, and the more comfortable we are, the better we communicate. Establish and maintain eye contact. Not only is this reassuring to the other person, but it enables you to read their body language which can convey more than their words. As Yogi Berra said, "You can observe a lot by just watching."

Button up!! - Don't interrupt. You hate it. So do others. It's rude. Unless you're seeing a fire erupt behind the person speaking, let them finish. Encourage them to fill out their thoughts by saying, "tell me more." When we interrupt, the other person loses their focus and we lose the opportunity to fully understand what they're trying to convey. Make a conscious effort to see how often you interrupt others over the course of a day. Hopefully, it won't be a rude awakening.

Ask questions - In the words of Stephen Covey, "Seek first to understand, then be understood. This involves a very deep paradigm shift. We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They are either speaking or preparing to speak."

Talk less - A good philosophy is that conversations should not just be about you, but about we. As the Greek sage, Epictetus, observed: "Most of us were born with two ears and one mouth." That's a pretty good ratio between listening and talking.

Now - are you ready to listen?

[roberta323]

The most impressive thing about Bill Clinton during the two weeks I covered him as a reporter for New Times in Miami during the Summit of the Americas over the course of 10 days was the remarkable focus he placed upon you when you spoke with him, and how closely he listened to what you said; so much so that he would come up to you days later and ask you about something that worried you such as your cat, remembering the cat's middle name!

[BluePastures]

Well written and informative, but for those of us who enjoy grammar in its proper, beautiful form, can you please do some basic editing and get your homophones/spelling right for next time?

"Say, "So what YOUR saying is..." Or simply repeat the last thought the other person said. There is no better skill for effective listening THEN paraphrasing."

Your => should be 'you're' (you + are), not the possessive 'your'
Then => should be than (Than - Meaning:Used for comparison; Then-Related to time or the order in which things occur)

[Robert Solomon100]

Check out this post on my site -- http://adventuresinclientservice.com/post/9929315269 -- it talks about Julian Treasure's TED presentation, called, "Five Ways to Listen Better." There's a link in the post to the webcast, so you can hear what he says.

[ambrking]

Listening is the most important skill there is. It is vital that we learn to listen as to be able to understand what the other person is saying.

[kkayden]

Well written article with several great references. My two favorites are:

1) Seek first to understand, then be understood.
2) Wherever you are - Be there.

Greatly appreciate the reminders on the importance of listening. Thank you!

[RichRussakoff]

Thank you the Gandhi quote is one of our favorites.

[mccalllistensB2B]

Thank you for presenting this information. I am a pioneer, advocate and trained expert in the field of communication and listening for the past 5 decades. I thoroughly appreciate this article.

[Greg C100]

The Steven Covey quote is actually from the Prayer of St Francis written about 800 years ago. The rest of the Prayer is beneficial also. It's all about NOT being self-centered, and that in itself makes us better listeners, rather than just waiting to talk....

[e.elena100]

I'm so happy that someone else thinks the credit for the quote should go to St. Francis of Assisi, Italy. And I'm sure St. Francis would have immediately given the credit to the One whom all credit is due. St. Francis was humility personified.

[RichRussakoff]

Thank You for the correction. We appreciate it! St. Francis remains a wonderful influence and inspiration to us.

[MaryGoodman]

Thanks! Let us know how it works for you.

[ssensat]

Great post! I'll be using many of these points in a few meetings I'm leading this morning.