Social networks and the narcissism epidemic
Simon & Schuster
(MoneyWatch) COMMENTARY Ages ago I was a senior vice president at a company getting ready to go public. When the IPO prospectus (an SEC document for potential investors), came out, I learned that a colleague had negotiated a better compensation package than I had, and I guess he learned the same thing. I don't know if that made his day, but it sure as heck didn't make mine. I was pretty upset.
Did it help to know that he was getting a better deal? Actually, it did. I learned how to avoid that sort of thing in the future using what's known as a "most favored nation" clause. Of course, I'd used those types of clauses in customer agreements for years. That's why I was so angry -- I should have known better.
In any case, information is power. To the extent that knowledge informs your thinking or gives you an advantage of some sort, it's a good thing. But there can also be a downside. In the above example, the information was useful. But the truth is that it distracted me for quite a while, which didn't help one bit.
Conversely, sharing information gives up power. No, I'm not talking about information that should be shared so people can do their jobs effectively. I'm talking about information that nobody needs to know but you share it anyway. Most people do way too much of that, especially these days.
You see, we live in an era where more information is spread faster and wider than ever before. The amount of information that passes through data centers or the Internet "cloud" is mind-boggling and growing every day. And we're encouraged to share.
These days, everyone has a voice, an opinion, a social media presence, a website, a blog. We post all sorts of information on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. And we're virtual voyeurs of everyone else's information, as well.
In the past we've talked about how sharing too much information can get you fired. If you didn't read it, you should. It'll sober you right up. But there's another aspect of our contemporary culture that can cause you even more problems, a growing epidemic called narcissism.
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Narcissism is an overly positive and inflated view of self. It's when you constantly seek attention, value appearances over reality, and lack the ability to emotionally connect with others, to paraphrase from "The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement" by noted psychologists Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell.
Well, there's an aspect of narcissism that you're probably not aware of, and you should be because it relates to our social networked and "always on" culture. In my opinion, it's remarkably insidious and can also damage your career.
You see, narcissists are very big on engaging other people. Influencing others or bringing them into your sphere, so to speak, is a narcissistic tendency because it provides an immediate reaffirmation of your power and ego, a real-time reinforcement of an inflated self-image.
In a culture where anyone can comment on anyone else's blog or Facebook timeline, where you can literally tweet your favorite media personality, a famous actor or athlete, even the President of the United States -- and maybe even get a response -- the narcissistic tug to engage is enticing and growing.
Back in the day of my little run-in with an SEC document, there were always attention seekers who tried to get a rise out of others or got themselves all worked up over a coworker getting away with a promotion she didn't deserve or who knows what. They're probably the same people who are always noticing and complaining about every little thing their neighbors do, as well.
Today, the infrastructure, gadgets and applications to behave that way on a large scale are at our fingertips. Indeed, our culture and society encourages it. Today, you can literally mind everybody else's business. What you may not realize is that there's a huge downside to doing too much of that. It's narcissistic behavior, it's addictive behavior, and it doesn't bode well for your career or your happiness.
Last month a popular Forbes article claimed that big company CEOs were doing their companies and shareholders a big disservice because 70 percent of them had no social network presence. Maybe those CEOs know exactly what they're doing. Maybe they know something you don't. Maybe there's a lesson here. You'll be happier and more successful if you focus on minding your own business. That's the lesson.
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About the only possibly important bit of info about me available on the internet is that I have a whole family of people with various mental illnesses and personality disorders. One of them could even be a true narcissist.
One thing I do know is that I've always been very opinionated. I also have a pretty good real world social circle and have very few interests in common with the vast majority of them and can only take nonsensical prattle in small doses. The internet has given me a place to better connect with people with whom I share interests. I've also gained what for me is valuable insight into the minds of people who don't necessarily agree with my opinions and even though my opinions may not change I've learned to appreciate their opposing views. A true narcissist lacks the ability to relate with people on an emotional level. If I lacked that ability I would never have been able to learn those things.
Do I have feelings of importance associated with this? Not so much, really. I realize that I'm but one in a sea of millions of voices and opinions, mine no more important than anyone else's. The internet just gives me a place to share my thoughts so I use it.
- ST
Finally, I don't think your closing point really supports your argument. Even putting aside that the median S&P CEO is 55, these people have no need to make themselves more available. Quite the reverse actually. The mere fact that they are in a position of power doesn't mean we should emulate all their choices.
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here's what they know.
they know that the more that's 'on the record' ... which means in writing ... w/ their signature ... addressed or sourced from them ... their email ... or any other electronic media ... the greater the chance is that it could come back and haunt them ... and be used against them.
if they're smart ... they'll conduct communications that are important in person ... or on the phone ... and in a format that cannot easily be archived ... to be used later against them. info that needs to disseminated to a broader or public audience can be done thru a spokesman.
there are already many high profile examples of people getting themselves in trouble w/ what they 'tweet' or put on a blog ... and in some cases ... completely destroying their career.
First, the idea of what social networking provides and the manner in which it is used must be viewed as two separate entities. The product or concept cannot always be blamed for the manner in which an individual person uses it. Additionally, many sites are now publicly traded IPO's, or charge monthly fees for premium services, and as such they are a business.
The freedoms of thought and expression:
Let us not forget that so many nations of this world do not guarantee and do not allow individuals to freely express thoughts and beliefs. This is important to consider as social networking is global networking.
Ideas on all levels and from people of all backgrounds can be shared, discussed and developed with little obstacles.
Personal and professional development:
Blogs allow individuals the opportunity to not only share thoughts but to develop and strengthen writing abilities. They further allow the ease of sharing articles from an array of topics including the news.
Linkedin provides both users and companies the opportunity to present themselves to a large audience, to attract new business, to seek and identify gainful employment and to remain in contact with current and past colleagues.
Enjoyment and life in general:
I became a member when Facebook originally started as an "online yearbook". The user had to provide an educational e-mail address from a pre-defined list of colleges and universities to join. This provided an incredible chance for students to remain in contact years after they parted and moved on to new ventures. I agree that a great number of people share more than they should but that is the choice of those people.
I am not a subscriber to all aspects of social media such as the games, and so forth, and do agree appreciation needs to be given more to meeting people in person and connecting on that level. However, I see and utilize daily the positive aspects of social networking as does virtually every company and every media outlet.
Please do not be too quick to disapprove of the technological advancements that have provided humanity the first opportunity to connect on a global scale. Ultimately, if you are unable to see the benefits, then do not use it. If you do not or have not used it, please do not be too quick to judge it.
Social interaction is what you get when you go outside and meet people in person and have conversations about.. anything.
Social networking is a hunting ground for trolls, finger pointers and character assassins who's identity is hidden behind a computer screen.
Video games are priced based on how much work went into it and how fun it will be for the player. The more effort put in and the funner it is, the more it costs to buy. Then the player beats the game and up on a shelf it goes to collect dust.
Social networking is also a video game, but not much effort is put into it and it's not very fun at all, which makes sense why it's free, but people can't seem to detach from it and put it on the shelf.
There are many other reasons not to like social networking, but I really enjoy that comparison :D
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you don't have a power switch on your tv ... a dial for your radio ... or a choice in what you're reading?