Confessions of a social media outcast

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg / Flickr user jodieodell

(MoneyWatch) COMMENTARY If I were still a high-tech executive, safely tucked away on an airplane 30,000 feet above an ocean somewhere, I'd have no use for social media. Sure, I'd have a LinkedIn account and all that, but I wouldn't like it, not one bit.

It's not like a religion with me; there are just a few things I like to do, and communicating with people over distances has never been one of them. If they show up here in the Bay Area or I find myself in their neck of the woods, I love hanging out with friends. It's always like we were never apart.

I'm pretty good at face-to-face. I can also do phone and email because you can actually have a substantive conversation. Besides, I've been doing that for decades in both my personal and business life. I'm comfortable with that.

But since I've somehow managed to find myself writing commentary, social media's become a necessity. And the truth is I'm really no good at it. I mean, I have no idea what to say, how to respond, what people really want to know and what is considered too much information.

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It's like I'm going through those awkward teenage years again where talking to girls is scary and you never know what to say to adults. And you know what? It's more than a little embarrassing. I feel self-conscious. Sort of like an outcast. Just like when I was a kid.

What's even worse is there's actually a part of me that wants to be in with the "in" crowd. You know, accepted. I see other bloggers, people I think are clueless idiots just out to make a buck or get attention, and they've got way more followers than I have. While I hate to admit it, I'm jealous. I know that's nuts, but some layer of my brain that still thinks I'm 16 and living in the 70s is actually jealous.

And here's the thing. When I actually try to respond to someone and say something I think is cool or interesting, half the time they don't respond back. Then I think I must have said something inappropriate or creepy. I know I shouldn't obsess about it, but what can I say, it's just the way I am.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love hearing from readers. The feedback is important because it tells me that I'm connecting with the audience I want to reach. Not only that, but I do this to help people and, whether that's one-on-many or one-on-one, it's all good. So when readers tell me what they like or don't like or ask for advice, that's great.

Come to think of it, maybe the problem is that I've never been interested in superficial conversations or relationships. I like to connect with people and get to know them. And, until I do, I'm not really sure who or what I'm dealing with, so I don't know how to approach them or what to say. Yeah, I think that's it. Also I'm overthinking it.

So now that I've spilled my guts, I've got a question for you. Am I alone? Am I the only one who has trouble connecting with people through social media? Who feels that maybe it's a little too superficial at times? If so, I can live with that. If not, at least you know you're not alone. Maybe we can start a support group or something.

One more thing. Be sure to "tweet" or "like" this article, OK? Gotcha.

Image courtesy of Flickr user jodieodell

[DavidTopus]

Great piece, Steve. So authentic. So courageous. So relevant. As a published author (talktostrangersthebook.com) and communications thought leader, I have every reason to be active with social media, yet I struggle with embracing it to the degree others tell me I should. Indeed, it has its place, but where I get stuck is in believing it is the holy grail it is held out to be. I know a lot of people who spend a lot of time with it and don't have much to show for it. Maybe the reward is intinsic, who knows. But most of those who are making money, leading organizations, managing departments, engaging with clients, and making things happen are doing it in the "physical" real-time, face-to-face world. Like you, I think that's where the real action is.

[stobak2]

David,

Thanks for adding your weight to the infinitely quieter side of the social media story. Best of luck with your book; it sounds like a winner.

ST

[Baragala]

Thank you so much for letting me know that I'm not alone. This whole social media-thing *is* too superficial, so creating and maintaining real relationships between people is impossible. I feel as though social media is the simply an extension of the quality vs. quantity debate.

I laugh when I hear people say that they create deep relationships by spending short, intense periods of time with someone. I've tried to have "quality time" with my family which ended up being pretty silly, because we couldn't focus enough to make our 90 minutes together truly "quality". I have found that when we spend more time together, we can get comfortable and wonderful things happen. It seems that social media is the same way - sure, I can post my relationship status as single, married, or whatever, and everyone will have that fact. The short time spent reading my status was quality time for the reader, but there is no richness that way. No questions are asked or answered, and no relationship was created. Give me the quantity time that social media abhors, any day of the week.

[cmstevens06]

Baragala, you have a very limited view of the usefulness of social media. I agree that it is not a replacement for face-to-face communication or interaction, but it has served a lot of purposes very successfully.

I have two good friends in other parts of the country who are disabled to the point that they require assistance just to get to medical appointments. They are almost completely homebound. Social media like Facebook and Twitter allow them daily interaction with friends who, due to work and other obligations, can't come by every day. As much fun as everyone pokes at the games on Facebook, they allow people like my friends some form of interactive entertainment. In addition to our phone/online conversations, I have running Words with Friends games with both of them.

Facebook has also made it very easy for my high school class to reconnect. That is no easy feat when you graduated from a DoD school in Germany. We literally scattered to the four corners of the planet. The research to find one another that would have taken months prior to Facebook takes minutes now. I found almost my entire graduating class in just a few days. We're planning our (I am so not telling what year) class reunion primarily via Facebook and a website.

Social media also serves as a very useful marketing tool if used properly. There have been numerous blogs on Moneywatch about how to use Facebook/Twitter/blogs effectively to promote a business/product so I won't repeat those. I'm a big fan of businesses that use social media to save me money. I'll take a coupon for a useful freebie in exchange for a "like" any day. I can always "unlike" the company later if I choose to do so.

One last point... In emergencies, social media is a great way to communicate quickly. Last year when the earthquake hit the DC area, a lot of communication services were interrupted. No one could call out on landlines or cell phones because the system was overwhelmed. Text messages were spotty. The only thing that worked reliably? Twitter. That was the only way anyone could get any information or let anyone know we were okay. I didn't have a Twitter account then, but I got one after that. Power companies in this area use it extensively to communicate with customers when there are widespread outages after hurricanes and big storms like this summer's derecho.

I wouldn't want to do business via social media or maintain a relationship exclusively via social media, but I'd hardly call the "whole social media-thing" superficial. It is a useful tool for certain types of activities, much like a hammer. It works great for pounding in nails, but not so well for turning nuts and bolts.