Why my child will be your child's boss

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(MoneyWatch) COMMENTARY Saws. The kind you buy at the hardware store to cut wood. That's what the play-group teacher dumped on the ground for 3- and 4-year-old kids to play with. Knowing that doing this, in the U.S., would result in the teacher being, at minimum, fired and most likely charged with child endangerment, I had visions of emergency room trips and severed limbs dancing through my mind.

But this happened not in the U.S. but in Switzerland, where they believe children are capable of handling saws at age 3 and where kindergarten teachers counsel parents to let their 4- and 5-year-olds walk to school alone. "Children have pride when they can walk by themselves," the head of the M?nchenstein, Switzerland, Kindergartens said last week at a parents meeting, reminding those in attendance that after the first few weeks of school children should be walking with friends, not mom.

So looking down at the saws, I tried to hide my American-bred fear and casually asked the teacher about her procedures in case of emergencies. She rattled them off to me in perfect English (that's another thing the Swiss believe -- that anyone is capable of learning multiple languages), but added, "I've been a forest play-group teacher for 10 years, and I've never had to call a parent because of injury."

What's a "forest" teacher? (No, that 's not a typo or pre-school name.) That alludes to a tradition here that we signed our 3-year-old up for. Every Friday, whether rain, shine, snow, or heat, he goes into the forest for four hours with 10 other children. In addition to playing with saws and files, they roast their own hot dogs over an open fire. If a child drops a hot dog, the teacher picks it up, brushes the dirt off, and hands it back.

The school year ends next week, and so far the only injury has been one two millimeter long cut received from a pocket knife. The teacher slapped a cartoon band-aid on it and all was well. No injury form to fill out. No trip to the doctor for an extra tetanus booster. No panic. In fact, she didn't even think it necessary to mention the incident to me. Which it wasn't.

Does this mean that Swiss children are capable of handling saws and crossing roads at the same age that American parents are still cutting their children's food and getting arrested for letting them go to the park? 

Lenore Skenazy's Free Range Kids tracks the stories of how we're failing to prepare our children for leadership. Many parents in U.S. seem to be convinced that children are incapable of making any of their own decisions or even functioning by themselves at the playground. While a high school principal recently threatened to suspend a group of seniors for the dangerous act of riding their bikes to school, and a group of parents protested that their misbehaving 17-18 year-olds were sent home alone on a train, I looked around me and saw 4-year-olds walking to school by themselves and teenagers also traveling alone across Europe, handling transactions with different currency and in different languages.

The leadership at many American companies were raised in a similar way to the Swiss children in my neighborhood. Boys had pocket knives. Everyone rode bikes to school. Kids started babysitting other children at 11- or 12-years-old. Now? We coddle and protect and argue with teachers when our little darlings receive anything worse than an A on a paper.

The result? Well, the preliminary results from this method of parenting are hitting the workforce now. They are poor communicators who insist on using text-speak. Their mothers are calling employers. They believe they should be given rewards and promotions for the act of showing up to work on time.

If this trend in the U.S. continues, American children will become more crippled in their ability to make their own decisions (mom is always around), manage risk (at what age do you become magically able to use a saw?) or overcome a setback (you learn nothing when mom and dad sue the school district to get your grade changed).

By contrast, my son learns about risk management every week. He'll be in a school system that has no qualms about holding a child back if he doesn't understand the material. And "helicopter" parenting? Not tolerated by the schools or the other mothers at the playground. 

So, while he's 4 and generally covered in dirt, I suspect he'll be more prepared for leadership when we move back to the U.S. than will children who have no freedom and responsibility and face no consequences. 

That is, if he doesn't cut off his own hand with the saw.

[VirtualPaul]

Had to groan at the uber cheesy sign-off line... But nice article overall.

[waymill10]

When I was a child my best friend and I would ride the bus several miles to downtown Denver and go to Woolsworth Department store to eat pizza before going to the movies. When I was six I began mowing lawns for money. When I was seven my mother took me on a tour of the house. It went something like this; This is the washing machine, when your clothes are dirty YOU need to wash them. This is the stove, there is food in the refrigerator, when you're hungry cook yourself something to eat. I'll cook dinner you take care of breakfast and lunch. At age eight I got a job shining shoes at the local barber shop and worked part time as a bicycle mechanic at the bike shop next door. I got my driver's license when I was fifteen and nine months per Colorado law and started working in the local IHOP at 16 when I was old enough to work per Colorado law. I was the first one in my family to get a degree and in my early twenties I was a high ranking supervisor in manufacturing company with several hundred employees. I went on to teach and counsel developmentally disabled adults. I went into sales and became a leader in the industry eventually earning over 100 awards and commendations. Now I am my own boss, I get up every day even on weekends and work because I like to.
When I was a child I was taught to use power tools. I was taught archery and shooting skills. My father taught me to use saws and how to swing an axe. I always carried a pocket knife and played mumbly peg and marbles with the other boys. I walked to school and rode my bike.
I have excellent math skills and can solve nearly any puzzle. I am computer literate and took my first training in 1986, going on to learn to program. Now in my late fifties I download music onto my mp3 player and I co-owned a video production company for years.
Tell me why learning to be self sufficient as a child is a bad thing!

[connectednurture]

To me, the saw is just a symbol. It's a symbol of trust, respect, and the gift of opportunity. It's a perspective symbol. We as american parents see the saw through eyes tinted with fear... we see images of children cutting off their fingers.. we gasp as a first reaction. The swiss see the saw as just a tool. They teach their kids to use it. They see images of kids (aka people) cutting wood with it. They approach the situation calmly and matter-of-factly... sans dramatic emotion. This I can get behind. In my opinion if I can raise a child to use a saw at 3 or 4, I'm doing something right. And, yes that makes me guess that the child will grow to be a pretty capable adult. But it's hard to let go of fear we were taught as children ourselves... it takes a lot of mental re-training. Thank you so much for this article.

[Zoonotics]

Interesting view of extreme ways to "teach" children. You either put them in danger (having 3-5 year olds walk to school so they can be abducted by a pedophile for example) with incompetent teachers "in charge" or you pamper them till they are adults and know nothing about doing something themselves. Newsflash, there are ways to teach them self-reliance while protecting children from harm but that is too much for the author of this article to understand.

[SeanONi]

"Why my child will be your child's boss", actually your kid will abuse cocaine in college fail out and end up washing my kid's windscreen at the lights.

[SourisOptique]

Any evidence to support this, or just lashing out due to your insecurity about your own parenting tactics?

[BobTheJoe]

Are you suggesting that all swedes will grow up to abuse cocaine and end up in low paying, low skill manual labor? That doesn't even make sense, especially since teens in the US use more drugs, are more dangerous, and get a significantly worse education through high school than teens in Europe.

[pflugOr]

Im from Switzerland, the difference is that we think that kids can handle a lot of responsability from a very age. When i was 16, i was leading a two week scout camp with 32 kids. So me and my co-leader who was 17 had the full responsability for the kids and the parents just trust. They have your phone number just in case, but they never call. (The good thing about saw's is that the kids stop sawing when they reached the skin because it starts to hurt ;-) so accidents with a saw ends never deeper than a scar on the skin).

I also lived in my own house/flat when i was 17 in a city in which people spoke another language (like a lot of other swiss kids) and i worked to pay my rent, food, train card (to commmute to work) and health insurance.

When i was in America (two times 3 months) i was surprised how dependent people in my age (23) still are, but at the other hand i wished some times also i would have had more time to grow up and i would not have been thrown in the cold water so early. I think a life where you can be young and let your problem be your parents problem is relaxed, Swiss kids don't have that - "with freedom comes responsability" thats what you get thought.

(Sorry for my poor english)

[RandallArnold]

There's nothing wrong with your English; you did better than many Americans.

[dbancroft]

OK, that's very nice, but there's a basic difference between the US and Switzerland, just as there is a basic difference between the US and France when considering the book "French Women Don't Get Fat" -- French women don't get fat because French women don't live here, where you can't just wander down the street and have fresh, healthy food slung at you from every quaint little market. It doesn't work like that here. And I agree that it is lame to the extreme to sue your child's professor for an A or allow them to converse? only in text speak? with those annoying questions? ish? But unless you're willing to include a graph on comparative crime statistics and general perviness in the US and Switzerland, do not categorize every measure of parental caution as Bubblewrap Syndrome. Would I send my 7 year old to Forest Camp? Absolutely! Sign her up! I'll send in a Hello Kitty saw! Will I allow my child to walk to school alone? Under no circumstances. Why not? 'Cuz this ain't Switzerland, baby.

[SeanONi]

Idiot

[RBleymaier]

Exactly. The level of common-sense caution should reflect the surroundings and situation.

[kimjonggod]

DONT GET YOUR HOPES HIGH,YOUR KID MIGHT STAR IN HIS OWN TEXAS CHAIN-SAW MASSACRE

[marthawilliams1]

It's always interesting to read of differing parenting methods, but in all fairness, the best way of travelling to school depends on where you live and the danger of handling a saw depends on the level of supervision provided. It's very easy to be smug, but I'm sure one thing parents share across the globe is that we try to do our best. I would not let me child handle a saw in a class unless I could be there -- that is my perfectly reasonable parenting choice. My child can, however, steer a boat. So, if it makes you happy, your child can make my child a boat.

[queenofclubs]

You know what? I am sick and tired of people, especially media elitists who constantly compare American kids to kids of other countries and to their eyes American kids always fall short! Not all kids are as bad as they make it out to be. Sure there are some, but certainly not all! Maybe if those people left NYC or the Beltway, and maybe come out to the Pacific Northwest where I live and you'll see that the pioneer spirit is still alive and well out here. Kids (boys and girls alike) do indeed walk or bicycle to school. They also go camping, fishing and some even go hunting (mind I don't approve of that but oh well). Quite a few of them are homeschooled and yet they go on to top universities. I've seen more than a few of them 'emancipate' themselves at 17 years old and go to school while holding down part time jobs! They have plans, goals, dreams, and ambitions of being their OWN basses. So before that woman starts to speak up for all American kids, maybe she needs to get out there and see what they're doing...and quit with the freaking comparisons already!

[fuzzybaird]

I agree with you Queenofclubs. I have heard several comparisons between European children and American children and believe the comparisons overall to be a bit silly. I am 22 years old so I feel It is still my right to say that I represent the youth of America, and I dont feel like my fellow students were all that pampered and pathetic. I was given a "kids tool belt" at the age of 6 complete with hammer, saw, and nails, with which I actually built miscellaneous items; when I was not destroying my parents drywall. the skills I learned from that eventually lead me to operating a CNC cutter at the age of 14. I never had adults tell me I was too young or not capable, but I still had to work hard to earn their trust. I graduated high school at sixteen and started a non-profit which develops orphanages, hospitals, and language trainings in rural India all the while with support from family and community. The United States promotes youth entrepreneurship and growing up. This article is just focusing on the flippant side of the american culture. I have been to Europe the people my age seem to be quite eager to work for me... Not the other way around. I have never once felt inferior to any coulter even with their superior stats in education. I dont feel like this vacuous individual the media portrays our generation as. We are an intelligent generation who will make a mark regardless what the stats say.