How to handle an angry boss

(MoneyWatch) 

New research from a team of Stanford researchers shows that the state of mind in which a person listens to an angry outburst has a big effect on whether or not they actually get upset. It gives some clues to help anyone lessen the impact of being yelled at, either by an angry boss or an angry spouse.

A common technique often recommended by cognitive-behavioral therapists tries to give people a different framework through which to view an angry person. So if someone is yelling at you, you might tell yourself that they've just received some bad news about their job or about a family member, and are now taking it out on you. The Stanford research seems to show that this technique also works if applied pre-emptively - before the angry outburst has even begun.

Jens Blechert, who led the research, refers to this process of rationalizing someone else's outburst as reappraisal. This is how he suggests the brain handles such information:

You can see this as a kind of race between the emotional information and the reappraisal information in the brain. Emotional processing proceeds from the front to the back of the brain, and the reappraisal is generated in the front of the brain and proceeds toward the back, where it modifies emotional processing.

Using brainscans to measure the effect of anger

Blechert and his colleagues did two experiments to see how people react to anger, and if they could modify those reactions in a useful way. In the first experiment, subjects were shown photos of angry people. But only one group was told, ahead of time, to consider that the angry person might just have had a really bad day and was acting out inappropriately. Once the subjects had adjusted their attitude toward the angry person, they weren't upset by the same photo the next time it appeared. The other group of subjects was repeatedly alarmed by the pictures of the angry people.

The researchers then conducted a similar experiment, but tracked electrical brain activity while the subjects were being shown pictures of angry people. The researchers found that "reappraising" - in effect, making excuses for the angry person - was able to wipe out the signals of negative emotion they first felt when looking at the angry faces. Says Blechert:

If you're trained [in] reappraisal, and you know your boss is frequently in a bad mood, you can prepare yourself to go into a meeting. He can scream and yell and shout, but there will be nothing.

It'd be nice to think Blechert, who also works as a therapist, is right. This could be a very simple way to cut down on a lot of work stress, in my opinion. But this study only worked with photos of angry people. None of the subjects actually had to endure an angry person screaming at them in person. Blechert plans to use a video of any angry person yelling at the subjects next. Any volunteers?

The study will be published in an upcoming issue of Psychological Science.

Do you have any great tricks for defusing an angry boss? Or is it all about taking cover and living to fight another day?

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[manager4591]

I came across a great book I'd like to share re: angry bosses. Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant - TOT, suggests looking at your bosses through a parental but non-patronizing, "lens." The author, Lynn Taylor, talks about using empowering tools for "terrible two" boss behavior, like tantrums, stubbornness, mood swings, short attention spans, ignoring and other traits. (LOL humor, but great info.) Skills like distraction, set limits, humor, positive and negative reinforcement, role modeling...with many anecdotes I can relate to for many reasons...best price was Amazon: http://ow.ly/7GC42

[pedersen,jobs]

Quoting (or mis-quoting) Stephen Covey's 7 habits book:

you may have no control over how people talk to you, but you can control how you react to it

When I'm confronted with this sort of situation, my first reaction is to walk away from it.
If that's not possible - like with the boss situation, or when you really need this person - I try to ignore the anger and only listen to the parts that I can actually use to improve, and just let the rest roll over my head.

I also find ways to make it clear that yelling at me is the least effective way to get me to do what they want me to - usually without turning it into a confrontation. either by having a conversation when they are in a good mood, or when I've proved the added value that I bring. My boss is a yeller (often) but I can't remember an occasion when he yelled at ME.

I don't really care whether this person had a hard day or has mitigating circumstances, but if that's what it takes in order to "not take it personally" then by all means use it.

The key is to take what is useful for you or for the task and ignore the rest. and if that is a challenge, look for another place to be.

[A8LOOONG]

The first posts are a bit lengthy, however "WAS" your streamline "get-to-the-point" approach leaves out an inevitable confrontational component that may send you packing. If a boss is unhappy with him/her self, you're not going to be able to "handle" them -- he/she is, after all, the boss! I like the idea of pre inoculating myself to focus his anger toward the subject, not me personally. I've done this in a tiny company for which the boss = the owner and is very angry all the time. He doesn't make friends well and doesn't care to. He knows everything and I had better remember that. The best way to deal with that boss is to just listen and say "I understand." I may not really understand and I certainly rarely agree, but it seems to diffuse a lot. I borrowed this from Charlie Sheen's 2 1/2 Men character -- but it really works.

[GregMiliates]

This is a useful technique, and really does work if you practice it in real life--though it does take some practice in being conscious about doing it. Essentially, what you're doing is innoculating yourself against personalizing your boss's anger. So, instead of reacting to their outburst by thinking you're a terrible person, you've already innoculated yourself by reminding yourself that your boss doesn't handle situations appropriately with others, is a loose cannon, is going to personal stress, etc. Even if you've done something to provoke the anger--like made a big misstep in your job--you don't need to personalize the anger; instead, by NOT internalizing the other person's anger, it makes it easier for you to actually hear and respond to the feedback--even if it's delivered inappropriately. This tactic is also from cognitive-behavioral research.

On another note, a bad boss is actually GOOD for you. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but my last bad boss was honestly one of the best things that ever happened to me. Without her, I'd probably still be stuck in an unfulfilling, frustrating job, instead of building my own consulting business,

A bad boss is GOOD for you because you can use your negative emotions to propel you toward something better. Keep thinking about your crazy boss and lousy job each day, and you can motivate yourself to take actions--even small steps--every day that move you to a better situation.

I made the transition from frustrated employee--with a micromanaging boss--to satisfied business owner. I started a consulting business part-time, and built it into a full-time endeavor which is the sole income for my family of 4. I've QUADRUPLED what I used to make at my day job, and have much more flexibility & financial security.

You can check out an interview I recently did where I talk about how I made the switch from employee to consultant, and where I talk about some of my initial fears & doubts, and give actual income & rate numbers:
http://www.startmyconsultingbusiness.com/how-i-made-the-switch-from-employee-to-consultant.

Whether you decide to start your own consulting business as I and lots of others have done, you can use a bad boss/job to propel you toward a better place.

Greg Miliates
http://www.StartMyConsultingBusiness.com

[tmittelstaed]

The problem here is that it isn't the anger that a boss displays that is the problem. The problem is where the anger is directed.

There is no problem if a good boss gets angry and screams about something as long as he's directing his anger at the situation rather than the person, and the situation merits it. For example if an employee does something dangerous like stacking something heavy high up that isn't secured, there is nothing wrong with the boss coming in and screaming at the crew at the top of his lungs something like "god d a m m i t t I don't know which one of you god d a m fools left the parts drums unstrapped but by god they better be secured in 10 minutes or your all going to be fired" In this case the boss almost certainly knows perfectly well who screwed up, and the crew also almost certainly well knows who screwed up, and the person who screwed up also almost certainly well knows that he screwed up.

But a boss who comes in and singles out an employee and humiliates them by basically telling them they are stupid idiots, that is a different situation entirely.

And, a boss who not only does that but obviously enjoys making people crawl, that is the worst. Pair that attitude with sexual or racial discrimination on the part of the boss and it's an expensive lawsuit waiting to happen.

As a manager, and owner of a business during my career, I am absolutely convinced that the second 2 kinds of bosses are not only ineffective, but actually encourage lower productivity, and in extreme cases, business loss. And this anger displaying is part of an entire gamut of other undesirable behavior among managers.

The "view through different framework" trick has been known for years as the "finding the good in someone" trick. Not only is it useful for an employee to learn to use to face an angry boss, or angry customer, but it is also a good way for a manager to teach employees how to get along with each other.

Fundamentally, what this boils down to, as corny as it sounds, is happiness. People who are unhappy with their lives are generally unhappy with themselves, and generally don't like themselves very much. And those kind of people are incapable of liking others.

When hiring managers or considering someone for promotion into management, that trait mixed with ambition and competence is what I look for, and the presence of the three of them determines if a person is going to be successful at being a manager. It is not simply being friendly with other people. It is their entire world view of life. The successful managers are the ones who think of themselves as winners and like themselves and like other people, but do not think of being a winner as beating other people. Instead they really believe that everyone can be a winner and they want everyone to be winners, even the people that they beat out. Those people should be getting angry because their ambition drives them to want to see things done right, and nothing ever happens perfectly.

[wasadem1]

Should we get colege credit for reading all of the above post? I say if a boss makes it personal, simply ask him or her if it is. If it is then take care of it.