4 things a manager should never say

People listen to leaders. It's one of the qualities that helps define them as leaders -- and their followers as followers.

But because of this, leaders need to mind what they are saying, and avoid knee-jerk responses. "A leader's brain must always work things out ahead of his mouth speaking them," says Patrick Alain, author of The Leader Phrase Book: 3000+ Phrases That Put You In Command.

To help wannabe leaders cement their status, Alain has compiled a shortlist of four phrases that a good leader will never, ever say. Avoid these lines and people will be more likely to follow your lead.

'That's impossible'

This flip statement will hurt your credibility in two ways, says Alain. "It is inherently negative and makes the individual who uttered the statement or remark feel like they need  to justify it immediately. [Also] using this phrase in excess can expose the user as someone who wantonly trivializes others and their work, even if they don't really mean to."

A better choice, according to Alain? "I find that hard to believe." Truthful, yet not dismissive. 

'[John Doe] is a jerk'

Randomly gossiping about or putting down others will kill confidence in you as a respectable leader. "Even just venting frustration near the coffee machine or in a chat window can prove disastrous. Anyone with an axe to grind can forward your vent simply by clicking [send]," says Alain.

If you need to discuss a problem employee with another colleague, discuss it with the appropriate person -- privately and in a constructive way. For instance, "I have a tough time seeing eye to eye with [John Doe]," says Alain. John Doe may eventually hear your concerns, but through the right channels -- not the grapevine.

'My way or the highway'

Real leaders don't give ultimatums. "Ultimatums like this one don't usually solve anything. In fact, open threats often lead to grievances and even litigation," says Alain.

If you really have a problem with an insubordinate direct report, use the proper steps (and guidance from HR) to work through the issues. You may still need to let someone go -- but you'll likely sleep better at night knowing you gave him official notice of his shortcomings and tried to help him improve. And others will likely notice how you handled this situation.

'I'm always right'

Using this phrase is the equivalent of taping the word "narcissist" to your forehead. "Anyone tempted to use this phrase runs the danger of being perceived as distant, haughty and self-aggrandized," say Alain.

That said, there are some situations, particularly if you are in a decision-making position, where you really need to take control. If you must leave no room for discussion, Alain suggests starting with, "I'm sure you can agree with me when I say ..."

More on Moneywatch:

• Become a better manager: 14 simple tips to try today
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• Are you the office bully? 4 ways to tell

[HuffChick]

I find this article to be shallow. I hate to say it. It's too basic to be taken seriously and the commentary is too broad to apply specifically to the manager-employee relationship in a way that is either helpful or value added.

[hazelgirl77]

Another one that should be thrown in and that I find unprofessional is be honest with me..I had a past manager say that to me about something they were confronting me about my work it really made me mad afterwards..made me think were they basically accusing me of lying..in certain situations you can ask a person that but not when you are knit picking or telling them about something they did wrong.

[bigdaddycash]

Another thing that no-one should ever say is "ultimatums." The plural of ultimatum is ultimata.

[HuffChick]

Actually, it's either or. Both plurals are acceptable. And for the record, 'no one' is not hyphenated. Ugh.

[Lynn Taylor]

I enjoy reading your articles! Another phrase I would add is: "Please see me." There's so much fear in today's workplace, and a terse comment like that to an employee as a text or e-mail - or as a response to their work - can create unnecessary anxiety. I believe it should be avoided - in particular - if the manager is going to be inaccessible for an extended period. Thanks for raising the subject.
Lynn Taylor, Author, Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant
http://*****/7uAlH

[Borgcubicle]

I disagree with the first one. I don't think that "I find that hard to believe" is necessarily more respectful than "That's impossible." In fact, I think it can sound more insulting because it sounds like you're accusing the person of lying.

[drwenkman]

Your observations would be vastly more relevant if directed towards marriage guidance counseling, as your "4 things" are the self same "4 things" that spouses should never say! That's if, the health of their relationship is something worth preserving and maintaining... And, let's be honest, there are a huge number of much more interesting things that managers should never say (none from personal experience, I hasten to add!):
1. I think its fine to cross the line between personal, private and work... (the line between the carpet and the bed, perhaps?)
2. Just do it... (I'll be needing you to jump off that cliff over there.)
3. Don't think, just do... (disengage your useless grey matter, thinking will only slow you down! )
4. Let's discuss that in the car park... (or cellar, stationary cupboard, in fact anywhere I can abuse you, without too many witnesses).
5. Switch the cameras off for a minute... (I'm going to something horribly unprofessional).
6. Sun Tsu said... (I can read 2000 year old, Oriental, battle strategy and implement it to manage you muppets; sure I can!)
7. I take two sugars... (go on tea-boy, and shine my shoes while you're there!)
The list could go on for days, with the inappropriate and miss-guided things managers say, so next time, please make it more amusing, love...

[jeannutson]

Those are very essential points to remember not just in a leaders' statements but actions as well.

[robertcathey]

Better headline: "4 things no one should never say".